


Alpha Instincts

by falloutgirl



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha posturing, Alpha/Alpha, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Situational Humiliation, Verbal Humiliation, more in authors notes PLEASE read them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-11-09 02:45:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 60,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17993390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutgirl/pseuds/falloutgirl
Summary: Jaehyun has to look up to meet his eyes, a feat not so easily accomplished. This alpha is tall,oh god he’s so fucking tall,Jaehyun cries internally. His hair pitch black and with an undercut on the side. His eyes are a dark molasses brown, and his full posture leaves Jaehyun making direct eye contact with his nose if he looks straight ahead.“Calm down, Jae,” Yuta says to the left of the alpha, but his voice sounds like it's coming from a million miles away, “this is my coworker Johnny.”





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Growl For Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8584318) by [MitchMatchedSocks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MitchMatchedSocks/pseuds/MitchMatchedSocks). 



> **PLEASE READ**
> 
>  
> 
> this fic is greatly inspired by "Growl For Me" by MitchMatchedSocks, which is an EXO Kris Wu/Oh Sehun fic that deals with the same premise. It was one of the first EXO fics I read, and also one of the first ABO fics I read that dealt with Non-traditional ABO dynamics. Suffice to say, I really loved that premise and wanted one for NCT, especially considering the dynamic that Johnny and Jaehyun have with each other! I thought it would be fitting. Do check out "Growl For Me" and read that fic if you haven't! You don't really need knowledge of EXO to enjoy the fic, either. Just an open mind and a love for ABO, dare I say. :D
> 
> this fic has been rewritten several times, it started off as abo/wolves, then just wolves, then just abo, to now this, which I hope you will like! Johnny/Jaehyun have a great dynamic that really lends itself well to this type of AU... Let me just say I am excited to post this, finally. After months of just throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what would stick.  
>  
> 
> **!!!!!!!!!!! ADDITIONAL TAG WARNINGS !!!!!!!!  
> **  
>  **Elements of this universe can be taken as allusions to homophobia. Several characters make very terrible, demeaning, and derogatory comments to each other, against the basis of another character's secondary gender. If internalized homophobia, situational homophobia, or any of that is exceptionally hard for you to read, I would suggest passing on this fic. This is merely chapter one, and quite frankly, it will get worse before it gets better.**
> 
>    
> All mistakes are my own, I don't NCT, Welcome to my Playground, etc etc.
> 
> Lastly, this fic is dedicated to my johnjae family who got me back into fic writing in the first place. i'm BACK bitches! I hope you enjoy!~

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks Taeyong, who’s currently face down on the couch cushions in their big shared house.

“No,” Taeyong mumbles into the fake suede, voice thick. 

Jaehyun eyes him uncomfortably for the better part of the next fifteen minutes, mind whirring with whether or not he should… do something to help his best friend.

“Um,” Jaehyun finally mumbles out inelegantly, now with a glass of water in his hand, “do you, uh… do you want me to call someone to help you?”

Taeyong flips over onto his back on the couch and Jaehyun notices the layer of sweat that has collected on his forehead. “Do not,” Taeyong says, at the same time that Yuta walks through the front door of the loft.

“Taeyong’s in heat soon?”

“Yes,” Taeyong whines from the couch. 

“Want help?” Yuta asks, putting his bag down and making his way to the living room. 

“Later,” Taeyong says, and Jaehyun is confused.

“I thought you said you didn’t want me to call anyone,” he asks.

“You’re right.” Taeyong stretches his arms up and Jaehyun gets hit with a wall of lemony scent—like someone took a Febreeze and sprayed it right up his nose.

“Oh god, put your arms down,” Jaehyun crinkles his nose.

“Shut up,” Taeyong says.

“You smell sour, like lemons.” 

Taeyong looks absolutely  _ affronted  _ for all of three seconds until Yuta interjects with, “I love lemons.” 

Taeyong blushes deeply across his cheekbones, and Jaehyun knows better than to comment.

“I don’t need you to call anyone because Yuta is going to help me,” Taeyong continues from Jaehyun’s previous question. 

“This is new,” Jaehyun intones.

“It is.” Taeyong shrugs.

“We talked about it for a while,” Yuta says, finally sitting down next to Taeyong, who then lays his head down on Yuta’s shoulder. 

“Does Doyoung know?”

“I don’t see how this concerns him,” Yuta says, voice a little  _ too  _ tight at the mention of their other alpha housemate. Taeyong squeezes Yuta’s thigh and he shakes his head. “Sorry,” Yuta looks at Taeyong, who nods back at him. 

Jaehyun nods at the two of them. 

“Well it’s none of my business either,” Jaehyun shrugs. “Just be safe guys, and Taeyong, if you need anything let me know.” 

“Thanks Jaehyun,” he says, before another wall of his heat pheromones hits Jaehyun in the face. 

“Ugh,” Jaehyun gags.

“We’re going to my room now,” Taeyong says, getting up and pulling Yuta’s arm. 

“Oh!” Yuta says, “I mean, yes we are. Bye.” 

Jaehyun snorts, “Disgusting.” 

“Don’t wait up,” Taeyong singsongs, as he closes the door to his bedroom. 

***

Jaehyun decides that with nothing else to do, he might as well cook something to eat for dinner. He goes into the kitchen and looks over at all the different ingredients they have, trying to think of a meal. He notices a box of noodles and decides he’ll just make some spaghetti. As he’s halfway through the cooking process, he hears the front door open and shouts out an “in the kitchen!” for his two other roommates. 

Just as the pasta is finishing up its boil, Jaehyun sees Doyoung round the corner out of the entry hallway and get into the kitchen, Jungwoo right behind him. Before Jaehyun can even ask how their day at work went, Doyoung’s face scrunches up and he lets out a low growl. The sound has Jungwoo whimpering and retreating deeper into the kitchen to hide behind Jaehyun, while Jaehyun just stares at his other best friend, entirely confused. 

“What’s that smell?” Doyoung rasps out.

“Spaghetti,” Jaehyun says, voice neutral.

Doyoung eyes him before shaking his head, to clear the alpha fog out of his brain. “Ugh,” he says, placing a hand to his temple. 

“Taeyong’s in heat,” Jungwoo pipes out gently, his beta voice soft and soothing. Jaehyun leans his back farther into Jungwoo’s chest. He turns away from Doyoung and continues to finish up the spaghetti. 

“Heat,” Doyoung repeats.

“Yes,” Jaehyun replies, mixing the spaghetti, sauce, and meatballs together. He reaches into the pantry beside the stove for some oregano, and starts adding some into the mix. 

“Where’s Yuta?” Jungwoo asks, and Jaehyun can feel him tensing up just a little behind him. 

“Um,” Jaehyun says, turning the stove off, “he’s uh…he’s helping Taeyong.”

Doyoung growls  _ deeply  _ again and his fist slams down hard against the granite countertop. “He’s  _ helping  _ him?!”

Jungwoo whines against the back of Jaehyun’s neck. 

“Doyoung,” Jaehyun says harshly, leaning himself more into Jungwoo’s space, “you need to calm down. You’re scaring Woo.”

Doyoung growls again but this time it’s not as heavy. He shakes his head one more time and rubs a hand over his eyes. “Ugh, fuck,” he grumbles, taking a deep breath through his mouth. 

Jaehyun turns to Jungwoo and pulls him into his embrace. “Are you okay?”

Jungwoo gulps, “Fine now,” he throws a look behind Jaehyun’s shoulder, at Doyoung, “thanks Jaehyun.” Jaehyun nods and rubs his back. 

“I’m going to my room,” Doyoung pipes out, stretching his hands out in front of him. He doesn’t make eye contact with Jaehyun. Before he walks away, he turns once more towards them and says, “I’m sorry for my behavior, Woo.” Jaehyun watches as Doyoung shuts the room door behind him. 

They stand in front of the stove, in silence for a moment, before Jaehyun shrugs. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” Jungwoo replies, almost smiling.   
  


***

They dig into their big bowls of spaghetti together at the dining table, stuffing their faces with noodles, meatballs, and garlic bread. Jaehyun’s a veritable Emeril Lagasse if he does say so himself.  _ Restauranté Italiano _ ,  _ or some shit _ , Jaehyun thinks. He looks across the table to Jungwoo, who’s currently on his second bowl. 

“Someone’s hungry,” Jaehyun laughs, waving a fork around.

“Starving,” Jungwoo keeps shoveling food in his mouth, “work was,” he pauses, swallowing his food. “Uneventful,” he settles on. 

“You have sauce on your chin.”

Jungwoo gasps, “oh!” And wipes across his face with the back of his hand. 

“Gross,” Jaehyun says, scrunching up his nose. Jungwoo makes a noise of contentment and keeps on eating. 

They continue eating together in relative silence, the only sound the clinking of silverware and Prince’s  _ Purple Rain  _ album that Jungwoo turned on low before they started digging in. Jaehyun studies Jungwoo’s face, notices the way the flush across his cheeks gets deeper and deeper. Jaehyun’s about to ask if Jungwoo’s okay, before a moan comes out from the direction of Taeyong’s room, loud enough to be heard over the music. 

Jungwoo flushes a deeper crimson, and he looks like he’s about to laugh, before a loud  _ crack  _ comes from Doyoung’s room across the house. Jaehyun notices Jungwoo  _ visibly  _ shudder. 

“Think he broke the headboard again,” Jaehyun says, sighing. “It took me a while to fix it the last time, you know?” He tries to make the situation light. 

“You’d think Yuta would get tired by now,” Jungwoo says around a bite of a meatball, carefully skirting the topic of Doyoung. 

“Yuta?”

“Of course,” Jungwoo laughs, before looking serious. “Taeyong can go for hours.”

Jaehyun makes a face, “Didn't need to know that.” 

Jungwoo laughs, tension releasing from his shoulders. He goes back to eating his food again, as if the previous events never happened. Jaehyun fiddles with the spaghetti in his bowl, appetite lost to his thoughts. He thinks about when he and Taeyong both had the great idea of moving in together into this big house, and then roping three of their best friends from college into joining in and helping with the rent. It works for them—for the most part at least—and pheromones, omega heat, and alpha posturing aside, the five of them find a way to make it work. Jaehyun stares off into the distance towards Doyoung’s room, and if he focuses his ears enough, he can hear the telltale sounds of Doyoung organizing and reorganizing his room in an attempt to forget about what Taeyong and Yuta are currently doing. Another moan that is just a  _ bit  _ too loud sounds from Taeyong’s room, followed immediately of course, by a crash of… something from Doyoung’s. Jaehyun doesn’t understand what’s going on with those two—or three he should say, since Yuta now seems to be a part of it—but whatever it is, he hopes they don’t fuck up the house bad enough that he can’t get the homeowner’s insurance to cover it. Or get them kicked out of their mortgage. Whichever comes first of course. 

Jaehyun goes back to pushing the food around on his plate, not really eating, before he hears the scrape of a chair against the hardwood floor ring out. He looks up and sees Jungwoo, cheeks stuffed with garlic bread, getting up to clear the table. Jaehyun makes a move to help but Jungwoo waves him off.

“You cooked dinner,” Jungwoo says, grabbing Jaehyun’s plate from him, “this is the least I can do.” He walks over to the kitchen and puts the plates in the sink, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt so he can start to wash. Jaehyun studies the back of Jungwoo’s head over the kitchen island, before getting up from the table and making his way to help. 

“I’ll dry,” he says, picking up a rag and grabbing the wet dishes from Jungwoo.

“What did I say?” Jungwoo says but there’s no bite to his tone. He offers Jaehyun a small smile.

“I just can’t sit around and not help,” Jaehyun replies.

They wash and clean up the kitchen in companionable silence, and Jaehyun lets Prince’s warm voice fall over him like a soft cloud. He takes a deep sigh and feels good right now, feels content to just bask in Jungwoo’s calm, beta presence for now. 

“You’re very demure,” Jungwoo says, when they’re finished cleaning and are now sitting close together on the couch munching on popcorn and watching  _ Halloweentown _ . 

Jaehyun drops his popcorn back in the bowl, and feels his alpha hackles slightly rise up inside. He knows he isn’t… the most  _ conventional  _ alpha, but for Jungwoo to say it out loud so blatantly still stings. Jaehyun feels like grabbing Jungwoo by the shoulders and shaking him, trying to make him understand that, no, Jaehyun isn’t a fucking  _ wuss _ , he isn’t  _ pathetic,  _ he just… doesn’t see the importance in posturing the way others do. He opens his mouth to respond, but Jungwoo continues on.

“It’s a good thing,” Jungwoo smiles at Jaehyun and instantly, he feels his irritation abate. “I’m sorry if I offended you, Jae. But I just mean… you’re easy to be around. As a beta, you’re perfect. You don’t stink the place up with any territorial scent, and you’re more than willing to bow out of confrontations with Doyoung, and even Yuta. And you…,” Jungwoo pauses, fidgeting with his hands, “you’ve never scared me,” he finishes in a soft voice.

Jaehyun thinks back to the altercation in the kitchen earlier, and his heart swells. He grabs Jungwoo’s hand gently and rubs a thumb over one of his knuckles. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I like him of course,” Jungwoo sighs out. His shoulders sag, and his disposition goes from semi-cheery to sad in the span of seconds. “I’m painfully obvious,” he continues, making eye contact with Jaehyun. He puts the popcorn bowl on top of the coffee table and moves himself more into Jaehyun’s space. Jungwoo takes a deep breath of Jaehyun’s scent to center himself, and Jaehyun pulls him closer. “I’m painfully obvious,” Jungwoo repeats, “to everyone but… but Doyoung.”

“Oh, Woo,” Jaehyun says into his hair. Jaehyun breathes Jungwoo in, he smells like melons.

“It’s fine. Doyoung’s an  _ omegachaser. _ He wouldn’t even look at me. I’m just a beta. I don’t have a nice smell… I bet I don’t smell like anything.” Jungwoo turns his face into Jaehyun’s chest and Jaehyun pretends he doesn’t feel the tears that start to soak through the front of his shirt.

“You smell like melons to me,” Jaehyun says, and he turns his body so he can hold Jungwoo closer, and wrap his arms around Jungwoo’s back. He rubs gentle circles along his spine. 

“That’s just my shampoo,” Jungwoo mumbles, tongue rubbing against the fabric of Jaehyun’s shirt. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

Jaehyun sits there on the couch, T.V. show already tuned out, as he continues to massage Jungwoo’s back. His best friend is  _ hurting _ , and Jaehyun feels such an overwhelming need to protect Jungwoo. He’s the youngest of their friends, after all. And Jungwoo has always been sweet.  _ So sweet…  _ sweet like honey. To everyone they know. And Jaehyun sighs, holding Jungwoo just that tiny bit closer. He can’t do anything about Doyoung—not if he doesn’t want to start a fight, and as Jungwoo so helpfully pointed out earlier, Jaehyun’s…  _ demure _ . The word doesn’t sit so heavy on his tongue anymore. 

Jungwoo pulls himself back out of Jaehyun’s chest, and wipes his face with the sleeve of his shirt. His eyes are red and his cheeks are flushed, but Jungwoo looks better than he did earlier. “I just wish he’d consider me, you know?”

“If he doesn’t consider you, that’s his loss, Woo. You’re the  _ best _ . You’re kind, considerate, and just damn  _ funny _ . Plus, you aren’t afraid to put any of us alphas in our place when need be,” Jaehyun says, offering Jungwoo a small laugh, “I kind of love that about you. You’re very strong.”

“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t,” Jungwoo says, voice small.

“What was that?”

“You alphas,” Jungwoo says, and wrings his hands out in front of him, like he’s debating whether or not he should say what’s on his mind. He clearly decides these words need to be said, and he looks Jaehyun right in the eye. “You guys love  _ omegas _ . You love to dominate—to control. Maybe not consciously, Jaehyun, but I know you crave it.

“I’m a beta, I’m not exactly the easiest type to dominate. Mentally, I want it… in fact,” Jungwoo says, and he smirks at Jaehyun, “I  _ crave  _ it. I love being held down, pushed around, I love giving up control to someone I trust  _ so  _ much. I love knowing someone else will take care of me. That I don’t have too. Alphas can be so weird sometimes, always fighting for control, fighting for a piece of any willing omega. Taking and taking. Giving nothing in return.”

Jungwoo looks away. “Most of you don’t see there are some of us betas who wouldn’t mind letting you guys take from us. Everything we want to give you.”

Jaehyun sits and lets Jungwoo’s words fall into his mind, he throws them around for a bit, bouncing them all over his brain, Jungwoo’s right—in some cosmic way, he is. Most alphas don’t even take a second glance at betas, wouldn’t even give them the time of day. Jaehyun can’t imagine living like that… feeling like his entire existence was rendered invisible. 

“But you’re different of course, Jae,” Jungwoo barrels on, and his face is still red, not from crying, but from sheer determination. “You  _ let  _ me walk all over you, you  _ let  _ me boss you around. You know when we first became friends and I would always ask you to bring stuff to my dorm? And you always would no matter what it was?”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun laughs fondly, remembering walking the nearly half mile to the beta dorms almost everyday to bring Jungwoo one random item or another, ranging from emoticon designed pens to a single bar of black charcoal soap, “I remember.”

“My beta roommates never believed me when I said I could get an alpha to do anything. Most of the time I asked you to do that shit was just me fucking around with you.”

“I figured as much,” Jaehyun shrugged, and Jungwoo looks surprised at the admission, “but I adore you as one of my best friends. I would do anything for you—just like I’d have done the same thing if it was Doyoung or Yuta or Taeyong who asked.”

“You continue to surprise me,” Jungwoo laughs, “you know when I called you demure earlier I didn’t mean anything by it. I just… you’re so easy to be around. You’re  _ safe _ . Not many other alphas can radiate that type of energy. It used to piss me off, I thought it was an act. But I know it’s genuine.”

“Thank you,” Jaehyun covers his face with his hands, embarrassed. 

They sit in companionable silence, the laughter of  _ Halloweentown  _ mixing with the thoughts racing in Jaehyun’s head.

“Sometimes,” Jungwoo says into the silence, and he looks melancholic, “I wish it was you I was in love with.”

“Jungwoo, I—”

“You’re so easy to love,” Jungwoo cuts him off and pushes on, “you make me feel… like  _ I’m  _ easy to love.”

“You are,” Jaehyun says, and scoots close enough to Jungwoo that they’re nearly sharing the same breath. He places a gentle hand on Jungwoo’s cheek and runs a thumb near his mouth. “Like I said,” Jaehyun breathes out, “if Doyoung can’t see how amazing you are… he doesn’t deserve you.”

Jungwoo leans into Jaehyun’s touch, and closes his eyes. “I want an alpha of my own,” he confesses, “I want someone to hold me down and fuck me every night… but take care of me every morning.” Jaehyun chuckles. 

“Have you ever thought about that, Jaehyun? About someone holding you down and fucking you? All alpha instinct bullshit aside—have you ever considered what it would feel like… to give yourself up to someone else completely?”

“No,” Jaehyun answers honestly, “I’ve never thought about it.” But now the thought bounces around in his brain, touches every corner of his mind, and he can feel himself intrigued at the thought… at letting someone take over. Someone strong enough to make Jaehyun feel what Jungwoo’s describing, to place him in the euphoria of handing over everything to another person—completely.  

“Bet you’re thinking about it now, aren’t you?”

Jaehyun blushes, “Maybe.”

“Don’t be coy. It doesn’t suit you.” Jungwoo wraps his hand around Jaehyun’s arm, and leans more into his touch. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

Jaehyun locks eyes with Jungwoo and they seem to share the same singular thought. 

“Would you like some company tonight, Woo?”

Jungwoo smiles. “I’d love some.”

***

Hands attach themselves to porcelain skin as Jaehyun kisses his way down Jungwoo’s spine. Jungwoo is face first in his mattress, comforter bunched up under his legs and pillow wedged between his head and the bed. He turns his head to the side, eyes blown wide. 

“Touch me, Jaehyun,” Jungwoo whines out, “put me in my place, come on.”

Jaehyun runs his hands down Jungwoo’s sides, squeezing at the supple flesh of his hips. Jungwoo gasps in relief, his already hard cock brushing lightly against the bed. It drives him mad. Jaehyun leaves gentle bites along Jungwoo’s ass, pinching the flesh between teeth. Jungwoo gasps at the pressure of teeth, a low whine leaving his mouth.

“Jaehyun, I wanna see you,” he says haughtily, and within seconds he flips himself around onto his back and stares up at Jaehyun. Jungwoo wraps his hands around Jaehyun’s neck and pulls him down, attaching his lips to Jaehyun’s, biting, squeezing, pulling. Jaehyun responds back in kind, equally pushing back against Jungwoo—giving as good as he’s getting. The kiss is wet and messy, spit covering both of their chins as their teeth clack together. Jaehyun cups Jungwoo’s cheek to get a better angle as he runs his tongue against the roof of Jungwoo’s mouth.

Jungwoo wraps his legs around Jaehyun’s waist, pulling him in. Their cocks rub together and Jaehyun gasps, eager for the feeling of hot skin pressed against hot skin. Jungwoo’s warm at all the points where their bodies connect, and Jaehyun gets lost in the feeling, the gravity of being in bed with another person. Jaehyun bites Jungwoo’s lips one last time before he turns his gaze to the pile of clothes near the floor, his pants haphazardly thrown across the room in their race to get naked earlier.

“Eyes over here, big boy,” Jungwoo says breathlessly, and manhandles Jaehyun’s chin, so he makes eye contact with Jungwoo. Jaehyun lets out a loud moan at the contact, before realizing it.

“You like that, huh?” Jungwoo asks, heels of his feet digging into Jaehyun’s spine. Jaehyun groans in pleasure at the feeling. “You like when I’m rough with you?  You want me to push you around?”

Jaehyun merely groans in response, burying his face in Jungwoo’s neck. Just an hour ago Jungwoo put the thought into his mind… and in the time since it has only fostered into something more. He pants against Jungwoo’s neck, desperate, but ashamed to ask.

“Thinking about a big strong...  _ alpha _ ?” Jungwoo interrupts Jaehyun’s thoughts, says that last word lightly, like he’s afraid he might scare Jaehyun off. 

“Ugh,  _ yes, _ ” Jaehyun whines, he feels his face heat up, and sucks in air against Jungwoo’s chest. “Can’t stop thinking about what you said. What the fuck… it was so hot.”

Jungwoo reaches between their bodies, and grabs their cocks, stroking them together. Jaehyun’s cock has leaked out so much precum, enough to make the glide of his hands over flesh so much easier.

“You’re so  _ wet,  _ Jaehyun,” Jungwoo teases, “so thirsty for this. You ever thought about how it would feel? A big alpha pressing you into the sheets, making you squirm, pushing you to your limit?” Jaehyun gasps, completely lost in the feeling of Jungwoo’s hands on him. His body feels so intensely warm, his cock keeps leaking precum all over his and Jungwoo’s hips. He lets himself be consumed by the fantasy, by the idea of a big, strong, alpha, pushing him down, face down into the mattress, cock stiff against Jaehyun’s entrance. And Jaehyun would whine, he’d cry, he’d  _ beg _ .

Jungwoo keeps working them both over, thumb brushing against the slit on Jaehyun’s cock. Jaehyun lets Jungwoo take the reigns, too occupied by the fantasy to fight for control. Jungwoo pushes him around and flips them, so Jaehyun’s on his back as Jungwoo straddles his hips. “Fuck, you’re so hot like this,” Jungwoo grunts, breathless, “this is the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.” He presses a hand on Jaehyun’s chest and keeps it there, keeps Jaehyun down against the mattress. 

“Think about being stuffed full of cock,” Jungwoo moans at his own words, immensely turned on by Jaehyun’s reaction and the pheromones Jaehyun keeps involuntarily releasing. “Think about that big alpha scenting you, oh fuck—Jaehyun,” Jungwoo gasps, “it’s so hot when an alpha scents you, when they rub themself all over you—not even in a sexual way, but just to make you smell like them,” Jungwoo’s hand on Jaehyun’s cock moves infinitely faster, “So everyone knows who you belong too.”

“F _ uck! _ ” Jaehyun gasps out, gut clenching, the alpha in his mind is huge, tall, wide—a looming presence that blocks out his vision, covers his mouth, makes it so he is the only thing Jaehyun can focus on. “Fuck,” he whines this time, “I—I’m gonna fucking—”

“Come on,  _ baby _ ,” Jungwoo grunts out, a teasing edge to his voice even though it’s strained. Jaehyun knows Jungwoo’s getting off on this as much as he is—maybe even more. Jaehyun knows he gave up control almost entirely without fighting back—just let Jungwoo sit on him, push him around, and tell him what to do.

“Baby, baby,  _ baby _ ,” Jungwoo repeats like a mantra, “come for  _ me.” _

Jaehyun’s gut clenches at the endearment, his eyes squeeze tightly shut, and he hears the imaginary alpha’s voice chuckle as he comes all over himself and Jungwoo. “Uh— _ ugh _ ,” Jaehyun says, as he opens his eyes. His body feels raw, and his mind is a live wire. Open, crazed, and charged on excess energy. He and Jungwoo didn’t even fuck, really. But he feels like he just went through the ringer. He stares up at Jungwoo and sees the blissed out look on his face. He must’ve came right after Jaehyun did.

“Thank you,” Jungwoo says, voice hoarse, “that was hands down the hottest thing I’ve ever got to experience.”

“What was?” Jaehyun’s voice cracks. He clears his throat with a cough.

“You let me dominate you,” Jungwoo chuckles, “you didn’t really put up a fight.”

“I wanted it,” Jaehyun shrugs laying down.

“But still,” Jungwoo runs his cum covered hand over Jaehyun’s chest and he shudders, “I thought you’d have pushed me around more.”

Jaehyun shrugs again, “I couldn’t stop,” he pauses, “thinking about what you said. About… um, being… uh,” his voice trails off.

“Use your words,” Jungwoo laughs.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about being dominated. About giving myself up.” Jaehyun sighs, the weight of the confession settling in his bones. He’s an  _ alpha,  _ for fuck’s sake. He shouldn’t feel like this.    

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Jungwoo says, running a hand down Jaehyun’s chest in a soothing manner. “I think it makes you stronger than other alphas. To admit that you don’t mind giving it up.”

“But I—I shouldn’t want to,” Jaehyun mumbles, crestfallen.

“Shouldn’t want to, or don’t want others to find out you like it? Don’t want… Yuta or Doyoung to judge you for it.”

Jaehyun shrugs, lost in thought.

“For what it’s worth,” Jungwoo states, “I had so much fun. And I could tell you enjoyed yourself too. Fuck everyone else. And look at you,” Jungwoo smirks, running a hand over Jaehyun’s cock, to where his knot is formed at the base. “You got a knot without fucking into anything. I’d say your body was telling you yes, even if your mind is telling you no,” Jungwoo laughs.

“Alright, whatever,” Jaehyun rolls his eyes, and feels a little bit better. He looks at Jungwoo with a serious expression, before he breaks and starts laughing. Jungwoo joins in too, and they laugh together, bouncing on the bed. 

“Shower?” Jungwoo asks, “maybe if you behave, I’ll pin you against the shower wall,” he teases.

Jaehyun lets out a growl, arousal growing again, “Bet.” 

***

The days pass on since that incident, and Jaehyun does his best to throw himself into the thick of his work. He lets the paper trails attached to accounting and mundane office work follow him everywhere he goes, reciting formulas and figuring out equations from the moment he wakes up until the time he goes to sleep. He doesn’t avoid Jungwoo of course, because Jungwoo would never in a million years let him. He smirks at Jaehyun every morning, though, giving him a coy smile over his cup of coffee. The others will eye them curiously, most especially  _ Doyoung,  _ to be precise—since Yuta and Taeyong are too involved in each other at the moment—and for some reason, that encourages Jungwoo to be even more…  _ coy  _ than usual.

“I know you’re trying to get a rise out of him,” Jaehyun said one morning after Doyoung had rushed out the door, face flushed a deep red after he walked into the kitchen and saw Jungwoo make grabby hands for Jaehyun’s ass, “but I swear he’s going to challenge me to a fight pretty soon, and I’m not really in the mood for one of those.”

“You could take him,” Jungwoo said easily, laughing. 

“Maybe,” Jaehyun said, but soon, thoughts of Doyoung…  _ taking  _ him fill his mind instead. He feels his face heat up.

“If one of us is lusting after Doyoung, it’s gonna be me,” Jungwoo said, trying hard to hold in his laughter.

“I absolutely hate you.”

“No you don’t,” he said, and takes a big sip out of his mug.

“No I don’t,” Jaehyun agreed.

The tapping of a pen against the side of his work desk brings him out of his reverie, and he looks up to see one of the interns,  _ Mark,  _ his mind supplies, holding a steaming cup of coffee in one hand. 

“Hi, Mr. Jung,” Mark says, voice extra cheery for two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, “I brought you one of these.” He sets the coffee down on the inside edge of the desk, and Jaehyun lets the aroma of the coffee soak into his bones.

“You’re the best,” Jaehyun says, seriously, “have I ever told you that?”

“Once a day since I started,” Mark grins.

Jaehyun points to the pile of stapled and ready financial reports in the outgoing box on his desk. “Run that up to Taeil, would you? He’s expecting those this afternoon, but I got ‘em done early.”

“No problem,” he grabs all the files and holds them tightly in his arms, “see you later Mr. Jung!”

“It’s Jaehyun,” he smiles.

“Okay,” Mark says, “see you later Mr. Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes as he watches Mark leave and close the door gently behind him. Now once again left to his own devices, especially after finishing his work early, Jaehyun decides the best thing to do is fuck around on his computer until it’s time to go home. He stares at the clock that hangs above the door of his office, and solemnly realizes that he has 2 hours to kill. No self-respecting top financial accountant of a pretty well established company would ever use their work time unwisely, however, Jaehyun is neither self-respecting  _ nor  _ a top financial accountant at this company so, go figure.

He pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket and hides himself behind his big computer monitor. Jaehyun plugs one of his bluetooth earphones in one ear and switches his phone onto data, before loading up, of course, a porn site. Jaehyun isn’t above searching porn at work, and getting a promotion and his own office three months ago has only encouraged him to continue doing so. He refuses to use the work wifi still, no matter how many times Renjun in IT tells him they don’t track or monitor employee movements. Renjun once told him he thought  _ The Matrix  _ was a documentary. Jaehyun isn’t inclined to believe much of anything he says. He loads up his current favorite website, knottyknots.com and searches through the most recent videos. Jaehyun scrolls for awhile, uninterested in most of the videos that show up on the homepage. A lot of them are in all caps and, quite frankly, ridiculous, with titles such as  _ HORNY TINY OMEGA GETTING RAMMED BY A MEGAKNOT  _ or,  _ OMEGA LOOKING FOR DADDY _ , or Jaehyun’s personal favorite so far,  _ HOT OMEGA STRIP TEASE - SLAVE 4 U BY BRITNEY SPEARS.  _ Jaehyun considers himself a man of more refined taste, so he passes by most of the weirdly titled and oddly filmed videos, before something else catches his eye. It’s unassuming from what he can surmise from the title—it not being in all capital letters is the first dead giveaway—and the fact that Jaehyun found the video on page fourteen of the search. He glances at the clock and realizes that a good twenty minutes have passed while he searched around for something good to watch, and he figures if he wants to see the video before he has to leave for work, he might as well just watch this one. In times like this, Jaehyun can’t be too picky. 

He clicks the video and the screen on his phone starts to load it up. He reads the title of it,  _ Alpha surprise,  _ and feels like he’ll probably be in for some solo work. Ever since he slept with Jungwoo and the confession but not  _ really  _ a confession happened, Jaehyun hasn’t been able to watch porn involving alphas and omegas without—for some stupid ass reason his brain can’t seem to figure out—feeling an immense level of guilt as he subconsciously realizes he started focussing less and less on the moans of the omega, and more and more on the grunts and thrusts of the alpha. He shut his laptop real quick the last time he watched that type of porn, when it dawned on him that he came not to the sound of the omegas whimpers, but to the command of the alpha’s voice when he said  _ Go on. Come.  _

Jaehyun shudders at the memory and his attention is brought back to the present when moans start to sound in his earphones. He focuses his eyes to the body on the screen. The alpha is big and wide, just the way Jaehyun’s fantasies recall, and his arms have veins racing down all over. The alpha strokes his cock on screen, his face hidden from the camera. His grunts are deep and…  _ meaty _ , and it goes directly to Jaehyun’s cock. “God,” he mumbles to himself, feeling himself getting a little warm under his shirt collar. He reaches up and loosens it just a little bit, knowing he can’t take his clothes off completely until he gets home. The alpha on screen keeps stroking his cock, up and down,  _ up and down _ , his speed increasing little by little as he works himself over. His grunts and his moans get more and more breathless, and Jaehyun can feel his own pants tightening as the alpha gets closer and closer. He runs the hand not stroking his cock behind himself, probably reaching for something, and Jaehyun strains his ears until he can hear a faint buzzing noise.  _ Might be a fan _ , he thinks to himself, brain too occupied on the alpha’s movements to really try and decipher what the noise might be. The alpha lets out an extremely loud gasp, bordering on a  _ whine _ , and Jaehyun watches as the sweat beads along his collarbones, and drips down along his forearms.  _ It’s hot _ , Jaehyun feels his face heat up.  _ It’s so hot,  _ and he doesn’t think this video could get any better. If he was at home, Jaehyun knows he’d have a hand wrapped around himself right now, have his cock leaking against his stomach as he jerked himself off to completion. Jaehyun can almost taste the orgasm riding on the tip of his tongue. 

The alpha in the video stops stroking himself, and Jaehyun scrunches his face up. He was  _ so  _ close. Why would he stop? And then, he turns himself around, to go on all fours, and Jaehyun feels the blood rush to his face as he lets out an audible gasp.

Aside from the strong lines of the alpha’s back, that had first caught Jaehyun’s eye, what is currently making his mouth both wet and dry at the same time happens to be the huge, butt plug slash vibrator slash  _ heart attack inducing device  _ that the alpha has stuffed himself full of and—oh. Oh,  _ god.  _

Jaehyun’s hands can’t stop shaking. He can’t  _ breathe.  _ What he first thought was a fan is actually the pulsing sound of the vibrator slash dildo, and what he pitily thought was the remote for said fan is actually—of course—the remote for the dildo currently resting inside the alpha’s ass. He moans deeper now, more guttural, and Jaehyun hates how feels his pants get tighter at the noise, how he feels the sweat gather at the back of his neck, and how he knows, if he was at home, he would be well on his way to—

The alpha groans out in pleasure on the phone screen and Jaehyun watches the angle, studies how he can see the way the alpha’s cock jumps as he makes the pressure of the vibration stronger and stronger, how his moans and groans turn less and less…  _ aggressive,  _ and more whiny, more sensual, more…  _ demure. _

The alpha’s body spasms inwards, and Jaehyun sees him as he grabs his hands onto the bed sheets beside him, and comes. 

Jaehyun shuts the app off and stares at the wall for an indeterminate amount of time.

His skin is on fire.

His face is hot.

But the worst part is, even though he saw an alpha fucking himself on a dildo, pushing away his alpha instincts, forcing himself to  _ submit _ , even to a fucking  _ toy _ — Jaehyun can’t deny the one singular fact that has haunted his mind since his conversation with Jungwoo, that has invaded every sense of his brain in fantasies—both daydream and subconscious alike—that he is without a doubt, one hundred fucking percent turned the fuck on. 

_ Fuck,  _ he thinks, and looks down at his crotch. 

***

Jaehyun’s never been one to be inconspicuous—he’s well aware—and his roommates are usually able to tell when he’s got something to hide. Currently, Taeyong and Yuta are out since they keep fucking—on every surface of the stupid house, no less—and Doyoung’s too goddamn self involved in his own pity party to be much of an observational force right now. 

That leaves Jungwoo, unfortunately: Jungwoo, who both knows Jaehyun’s deep dark and  _ scary  _ secret but also played a deft hand in such a creation of said secret. Jaehyun’s starting to realize the most evil one of his friends is none other than Jungwoo himself. Go figure. He is currently inside a CVS, sunglasses on his face in a very brave but also obscure attempt in trying to hide the fact that the only item he is here to buy is this half liter bottle of lube. Yes,  _ lube _ . Jaehyun proceeded to spend the last hour of work in a state of absolute shellshock—staring at the door of his office like he was trying to determine the exact fibers within the wood grain. He knows if he doesn’t buy the lube now, while he has the nerve, he’ll never do it. And while he knows that Doyoung and Jungwoo probably have lube, he doesn’t really want to be met with Doyoung’s intense interrogation or Jungwoo’s knowing smirk. So, he braves the CVS line and hopes that the people around him don’t wonder why such a  _ sexy  _ and  _ young  _ alpha as himself needs this much lube. Jaehyun gets to the cashier, a young kid who looks like he wants to be absolutely  _ anywhere  _ but here—and wow, Jaehyun can relate. The kid rings the bottle of lube up without even blinking and Jaehyun hands him the cash before he waits patiently for his change. Once the cashier passes it back to him Jaehyun grabs his purchase and books it outta there like a bat straight from hell. He feels the sweat on the back of his neck start to build up again, and he knows he’s still half hard in his work slacks. 

He’s going to do this,  _ I’m going to do this,  _ he thinks, and feels the skin of his neck shake as he drives back to the house. Jaehyun usually gets home first, so he’s hoping he can beat everyone there and run to the shower maybe—or his bed, even—and jerk himself off enough to get rid of this sick, cloying feeling that keeps bubbling up under his chest. 

Jaehyun makes it back to the house in record time, and hides the bottle of lube in his work bag. He slings the bag over his shoulder and makes his way to the elevators, waiting to be taken up to his house. The ride up there is stifling, and Jaehyun feels like someone’s gonna catch onto him and… and beat him up or make fun of him when they find out what he’s going to do. He feels so raw, emotions frayed at the edges—so, so, delicate.

Jaehyun unlocks the door to the house, and the first thing he realizes, unfortunately, is that he is not, alone. His quick trip to CVS and going through the after work traffic must’ve added more time then his currently single-minded pea brain can handle. Jaehyun pushes open the door wider and sees all of his friends camped out in the living room on the couch, watching a movie. There’s a huge bag of popcorn on the coffee table and their laughter and voices are loud and louder against Jaehyun’s barely-holding-it-together façade.

The second thing Jaehyun notices, and this is where he starts to feel himself settle down and come back to Earth: his  _ hackles  _ rise—something that doesn’t happen often, as his nostrils fill with the scent of an unknown  _ alpha.  _ Jaehyun  _ growls _ , dark and territorial, and it’s loud enough to make the people on the couch pause their movie and turn towards him. Jaehyun’s got his shoes off and the door closed, but his bag is still slung over his shoulders. His eyes scan the room until they settle down on the unknown person sitting on the couch next to Yuta, Jaehyun’s mind so preoccupied earlier he didn’t even realize someone else was there.

He gets an answering growl in return from the guy, before he stands up from the couch and—

_ Oh my god _ … 

Jaehyun has to look up to meet his eyes, a feat not so easily accomplished. The alpha is tall,  _ oh god he’s so fucking tall,  _ Jaehyun cries internally, his hair pitch black and with an undercut on the side. His eyes are a dark molasses brown, and his full posture leaves Jaehyun making direct eye contact with his nose if he looks straight ahead. 

“Calm down, Jae,” Yuta says to the left of the alpha, “this is my coworker Johnny.”

Jaehyun feels the energy leave his body instantly, and a wave of emotions—namely embarrassment—soon replaces it. 

Jaehyun looks away from Yuta, back to the alpha, back to  _ Johnny—oh fucking hell— _ and he has a nice, big, warm smile on his face.

“Sorry,” Jaehyun mutters out, “that was rude of me. Welcome to our home! I’m Jaehyun.” 

Johnny’s eyes seem to shine even brighter than they did earlier. Jaehyun wants to know how that’s possible. 

“I’m sorry too,” Johnny says, and Jaehyun feels his knees shake at the sound of this man’s voice. Oh god—what the fuck is wrong with him? His voice is honey… his voice is sugar… his voice could tell Jaehyun to do something and… 

And Jaehyun would do it.

_ It must just be the hormones,  _ Jaehyun figures, still on edge since he hasn’t jerked off yet. It absolutely  _ has  _ to be. He can’t think of any other option. He shakes himself, trying to clear his head. Johnny is just wildly attractive for an alpha. It means nothing.

It means  _ nothing _ .

“Anyway,” Johnny continues, oblivious to Jaehyun’s internal dilemma, “I didn’t mean to growl back at you,” he blushes and Jaehyun wants to cry, he’s so  _ fucking  _ hot. “It’s so nice to meet you! Yuta and everyone else have told me a lot about you.”

“Have they really,” Jaehyun says, winded, but he’s blaming the cadence of his voice on the walk from his car, naturally.

“Only the good shit,” Taeyong says, laughing at this whole exchange, “like how you’re a complete fucking mess all the time.”

“And how you sleep with a teddy bear,” Yuta chimes in giggling, already sitting back down on the couch next to Taeyong.

“And how you sometimes cry yourself to sleep,” Doyoung finishes, getting up from the floor to lay himself over Taeyong and Yuta’s legs. Jaehyun rolls his eyes, but yet he’s thankful they’ve somehow managed to figure out whatever shit was going on there between them. 

Jaehyun doesn’t even  _ want  _ to make eye contact with Jungwoo, knows already what is probably rolling through his fucking mind.  _ Oh god _ , Jaehyun thinks,  _ Jungwoo’s probably having a fucking field day _ , and sure enough, Jaehyun looks up and sees Jungwoo smirking at him, eyes glittering in mischief, and Jaehyun can only hope. 

“And what did Jungwoo say?” Jaehyun directs his question at Johnny, “I hope you ignore everything all of them have said.” 

Johnny laughs and the sound expands inside Jaehyun’s chest. He feels like he’s about to crack open. 

“He said you’re quite the mystery,” Johnny says, feigning seriousness, “but a very good friend.”

Jaehyun feels his face heat up. “Oh god,” he moans.

“Cheer up, Jae,” Jungwoo says, giggling, and Johnny moves back to his place on the couch. “Come join us for our movie.” 

“I’ve got to shower first,” Jaehyun says, “I’ll be out soon.” 

They all nod their understanding, and Jaehyun makes his way to his bedroom which is at the end of the hallway on the left side. He grabs his clothes, brain working on autopilot, as he throws his work bag on top of his bed. The bottle of lube sticks out from the top of his bag, like an omen. Jaehyun feels the sweat collect on the back of his neck, feels his skin vibrate, before he thinks,  _ Fuck it,  _ and tucks the bottle of lube into his clothes and takes it all with him to the bathroom. Jaehyun throws his clothes in the sink basin and starts stripping off his work outfit, making a pile that he kicks to the side, on top of the ugly green shag rug that Yuta thought was  _ artful,  _ or some shit. Jaehyun turns the water on hot and on  _ high _ , hoping that maybe somehow in the process he might just drown himself under the downpour. He places the bottle of lube on top of the small rack inside the shower, stuffs it against Taeyong’s nasty ass body gel and Doyoung’s shampoo. It stares at him in the face, and Jaehyun surmises if bottles of lube could laugh, this one would be rolling on the floor. He tries to pretend his friends and their house guest are not outside, and Jaehyun breathes deeply, in and out of his nose, to calm himself down. It’s easy to let the feel of the water against his skin lull him into a state of arousal, as flashes of the video he watched at work that afternoon start to flit in his mind. Jaehyun can’t stop obsessing over the way the vibrating dildo stretched that alpha’s hole wide, can’t stop thinking about what it would’ve looked like if it was a knot stuffed up there instead, can’t stop thinking about what it would  _ feel _ like, to be spread open, gasping and moaning— 

He looks down at himself and sees his cock is red and hard, curved up against his belly. Jaehyun doesn’t think he’ll be able to do this any other time, doesn’t think he’ll be able to muster the nerve to get himself this worked up again. He grabs the bottle of lube off the rack and generously pours some onto his fingers. He’s watched enough porn to know it’s best to warm it up in his hands first, but Jaehyun doesn’t really give enough of  a shit right now for semantics. He  _ needs  _ this.

He steps out of the spray, against the back wall of the shower, and lets his lubed up fingers trail down his stomach until he ghosts over his hip and they rest at the curve of his ass.  _ Moment of truth,  _ he thinks, before running his fingers around his rim. He presses lightly against his hole, and something deep and guttural inside him rises up—an intense feeling of  _ wrongness  _ that stirs inside his gut. An innate instinct telling him that this, above all else, is something he cannot go back from. A  tightness settles across his skin. 

Jaehyun takes a deep breath and pushes past it—he has to know how this feels… even if it’s only just once. He pushes a first finger in, the lube helping him ease it forward. It’s not unpleasant, is Jaehyun’s first feeling, but it’s not  _ good,  _ either. Right now, it’s just a finger in his ass.

He pushes it back and forth to try and build up a rhythm, and that gets him panting. Jaehyun soon moves to pushing two fingers into himself, bracing his body against the wall of the shower with his other hand and shoulder against the wall. He keeps working at himself, the spray of the shower hitting his body, and it’s easy to fall back into the fantasy of the alpha with the dildo up his ass, gasping and moaning against the vibrations as they shake him from the inside out. Jaehyun thinks about that alpha’s long and hard body, imagines what it would feel like if that alpha was fucking his fingers into him instead, using that dildo on him instead, pushing him to his limits instead— 

Jaehyun’s fingers brush against his prostate and his eyes shoot open as he muffles a scream against his arm.  _ This feels good,  _ he thinks to himself,  _ this feels so fucking good,  _ he starts to speed up his movements, fucking himself on his fingers in earnest, body tensing with every stroke over his prostate like lightning in his veins. Jaehyun moves to three fingers quickly, and pants open mouthed against his arm. He scrunches his eyes closed tight, lets the vision of the fantasy alpha consume him. He goes back, imagines thick arms, thick fingers, a strong jaw, wide shoulders. His fingers speed up. He thinks about a chest so big he would be enveloped, thinks about an alpha so huge that he could feel small.

He thinks about dark molasses eyes and a low, rumbling voice. He thinks about jet black hair, with an undercut, and fists clenched tightly against sides.

He thinks about a low laugh, and a scent so strong, pheromones so woodsy, so  _ thick _ , so controlling—his eyes shoot open when his fingers press into his prostate,  _ Johnny’s  _ image so carefully embedded behind his eyes.

A silent scream, and Jaehyun comes.

***

Jaehyun makes his way out of the shower, relaxed, carefree, and so, so,  _ so  _ fucking guilty. He washed his hair and body immediately after he came, making it as clinical as possible to avoid the singular thought that the nameless broad alpha he’s been letting himself fantasize about for weeks has moved out of fantasyland and into reality in the form of Yuta’s friend. And even painfully worse, is Jaehyun realizing after he came that it’s the hardest he’s come since the time he slept with Jungwoo, and the only reason why he even came that hard to begin with was because Jungwoo has a filthy mouth and also hates Jaehyun and loves to ruin his life. Great.

He hides the bottle of lube in his bedside drawer, underneath literally everything else, in the hopes that the snooping best friends he have will never notice it. Jaehyun, clean and with his hormones now semi under control, makes his way to the living room where all his friends and Johnny are still camped out at. It seems to him that ages have passed—he feels like he lived and died for three lifetimes while in that shower, mind you—but a quick glance at the clock tells him he was gone for all of thirty minutes. Of fucking course.

Jaehyun goes to the kitchen first to buy himself some time, still not believing that he got off to the visage of Johnny. Jaehyun wants to find it in himself to be pissed off at the guy, but he can’t even look at him without wanting to shrivel up and die of embarrassment. He came untouched. By his own hand. His own hand that had three fingers shoved up his ass—a place that usually,  _ usually _ , no alpha would ever touch. It’s against the rules, or some shit, against biology. Jaehyun knows if he voiced that singular thought out loud, Jungwoo would coming running into the kitchen with a baseball bat to beat him into submission. 

His dick has the  _ audacity  _ to twitch at the thought.

He hates himself.

He grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge and then walks to the living room, where, of course, the only available seat is on the big sectional next to Johnny. Jaehyun wants to cry. When did this become his  _ life _ . Yuta and Taeyong are cozy on the other end of the sectional, while Jungwoo and Doyoung are pressed up nicely together on the small loveseat. Jaehyun can feel Jungwoo’s heart eyes from over here. Jungwoo looks absolutely  _ tense as shit _ , and he meets Jaehyun’s eyes before giving him a wink. Jungwoo sure as hell isn't moving anytime soon—or this week, if he could so help it. 

Jaehyun sits down next to Johnny of course, because one, he’s not a fucking asshole and two, he knows quite well if he didn’t then Jungwoo will start smirking at him, or Yuta’ll think he’s posturing again, and there’s only so much bullshit Jaehyun can take in a day. He makes himself cozy and offers Johnny a warm smile as he tries to catch up with whatever’s happening in  _ Beetlejuice.  _

“Sorry again about earlier,” Johnny whispers to Jaehyun, having moved a little bit closer to him so that he wouldn’t have to speak too loudly. 

“I should be apologizing,” Jaehyun says back in kind, “don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you didn’t actually fight me.”

“Not a fighter?”

“Not really,” Jaehyun murmurs, mind not even attempting to focus on the film anymore. “I prefer the ‘do not engage if not necessary’ approach,” Jaehyun chuckles. 

Johnny gives him a  _ look _ , but doesn’t say anything more than that. They both turn their attention back to the movie, watching as the characters chase after each other on screen. Jaehyun finds himself reaching for the bowl of forgotten popcorn on the coffee table, and when he situates himself back against the couch cushions, Johnny is much closer than before. Their thighs barely touching. Jaehyun stares at the small distance of space between their legs, and feels a warmth spread across his face. He looks over at Jungwoo, who is intensely preoccupied with Doyoung’s hands, and at Yuta and Taeyong who are watching the movie intently, but with their fingers wrapped tight together.

_ Oh well,  _ Jaehyun thinks. What his friends don’t know won’t hurt them.

***

Contrary to popular belief, Jaehyun has soon found out that fucking himself open on his fingers is the best, fastest, and most surefire way for him to get off in the shortest amount of time, while still having the most mind blowing orgasms his body has to offer. Jaehyun can’t believe other alphas don’t do this—granted, it is something that a lot of them would look down on—whatever, Jaehyun is too fucking happy and blissed out every second of every day to really give a shit anyway. He finds himself more alert at work, less snappy with his friends at home, and of course, much more willing to participate in Jungwoo’s harebrained schemes to get Doyoung to notice him as more than just, in Jungwoo’s own words, a  _ beta bitch _ .

“He’s such an omega chaser,” Jungwoo whines, “I fucking hate him.”

“No you don’t,” Jaehyun says, from his seat across Jungwoo in their favorite Italian restaurant. 

“Yes I do,” Jungwoo fires back, but there’s no heat to his words. He looks ready to faceplant himself into his bowl of carbonara. Jaehyun almost feels bad for him.

Doyoung is, apparently, on a  _ date _ . Jungwoo hasn’t been able to shut up about it for the whole day since he went into Jaehyun’s room at ass o’clock this morning on a Saturday and stuck his freezing cold fingers under Jaehyun’s armpit. He really has no sympathy left in his body. Or warmth either, for that matter. 

“So who’s this person he’s on a date with?”

“Some fucking—some stupid whiney ass omega bitch from the marketing department, don’t ask me I am fuming,” Jungwoo viciously stabs his food with a fork and shoves a chunk of it into his mouth.

“Okay, okay,” Jaehyun puts his hands up in a gesture of surrender, “Are you sure it’s a date?”

“Yes.”

“Are you positive?”

“Yes.”

“Are you really positive?”

“I will  _ fucking  _ end your life,” Jungwoo says this around a mouthful of food. It doesn’t seem as threatening as he thinks.

“Please do,” Jaehyun says, “put me out of my misery.”

“You mean your Johnny themed misery?” Jungwoo says now, brain totally in tune on Jaehyun’s life as it is, now that Jaehyun was dumb enough to give him a way to get out of talking about himself.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jaehyun acts dumb. He tries to act  _ really  _ dumb. Images of Johnny from the past couple of weeks flow through his mind. He’s become a regular occurrence at their house now, ever since Yuta explained that Johnny’s roommate left to move in with his mate and now Johnny lives alone. 

“He’s not really one to live alone,” Yuta had said, “Johnny’s kind of sensitive,” he laughed, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

Jaehyun nodded along to Yuta’s words, like he knew exactly why Johnny being kind of sensitive was funny or something.

“He’s got all these plushies in his room, God,” Yuta just kept going, obviously on a roll. 

“ _ Plushies? _ ” Doyoung had chimed in, sitting down on the couch with his tie loosened and a beer in his hand. “That’s kinda… omega-y, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Yuta waved Doyoung off, Jaehyun’s heart sped up faster and faster. “Johnny’s kind of a freak. But he means well. Hell, when this one asshole at work stepped to him, Johnny made the dude cry. Even had me shaking in my boots a little. He’s definitely an alpha.”

“You shook your boots, huh? You’re such a little bitch,” Doyoung laughed.

“Alright you cocksucker,” Yuta said, jumping on Doyoung, and they proceeded to wrestle themselves onto the living room floor, right in front of Jaehyun, until Taeyong had walked in, said something to the effect of “ _ stupid alphas _ ” and they both righted themselves and got their act together real quick.  

But Johnny’s presence has done more for Jaehyun then he tries to let on to his friends, especially Doyoung and Yuta. The two of them really go through their phases of alpha posturing all the time, and Jaehyun has been fortunate enough to skirt outside their purview of mad jabs and teasing for the better part of the last six years of their friendship. He would like it to stay that way, for as long as possible, knowing with how both Yuta and Doyoung never know when to stop—and often end up taking things too far. 

So Johnny spends a majority of his time in Jaehyun’s house, in Jaehyun’s presence, and Jaehyun equally spends a majority of his time trying to keep a respectable distance from Johnny, lest he end up accused of trying to absorb Johnny’s scent via osmosis. Jungwoo will give him those  _ knowing eyes  _ of his, all the damn time, and Jaehyun will pretend that he doesn’t know what the hell Jungwoo is on about. Because no one ever really does. And Jaehyun can live in blissful, absolute blissful ignorance, everytime he shuts his bedroom door and jerks off to thoughts of the  _ big bad alpha  _ putting him in his place, because no one but him and God know. And at the rate Jaehyun’s going, only God can  _ judge  _ him.

“When you’re done daydreaming about  _ Johnny’s _ knot, I’m gonna steal your  _ garlic _ knot,” Jungwoo’s voice cuts through the clamor of Jaehyun’s mind.

“Knot?”

“Yes,” Jungwoo says around a biteful of the cheesy and warm bread, “knot.”

“Ugh,” Jaehyun says, “shut up.”

Jungwoo swallows, “never.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes and gets back to eating. They sit in silence for a bit, forks clinking against the bottoms of their bowls.

“Hey,” Jaehyun says after a beat, inspecting his plate of pasta closer. “Where’s my knot?”

Jungwoo feels the water in his mouth escape through his nose. 

***

Jaehyun gets home from the office before anyone else does, and the house is eerily silent. He goes to his room and quickly changes his clothes—tonight’s Friday, and Jaehyun’s excited for the weekend after the tumultuous week he’s had at work and in his life. Granted, most of the tumultuous shit that’s occurred the last week and every week prior since he’s met Johnny, or as he likes to refer to him as  _ the cause of my shameful euphoria and sweaty palms _ , is mostly Jaehyun’s fault, but in his mind, that really is neither here nor there.

Jaehyun gets himself back in the kitchen and sees that it’s almost five thirty in the evening. His roommates will be home soon, and Jaehyun figures it’s his turn to cook dinner tonight anyway. In actuality, of course, it is  _ always  _ Jaehyun’s turn to cook dinner, because Yuta, Jungwoo, and Taeyong behind a live gas stove, with  _ real  _ fire is just not a combination Jaehyun’s mentally prepared for. If shit goes under, he still wants to be able to sell the house in the future and not have a giant pile of ash left in its wake. He pulls the defrosted package of short ribs—pre-marinated of course, thank you H-Mart—and gets about setting up the small portable inside griddle he bought a couple years ago. It gets the job done efficiently enough, and when the weather is in the lovely fifties in the middle of October, Jaehyun would rather eat slightly over-charred meat cooked on an inside griddle than brave the cold and freeze his dick off. 

He needs that organ, unfortunately, as much as that pains him. 

Jaehyun chuckles to himself and goes through the motions of cooking dinner, preparing all the different little side dishes—he makes the kimchi himself,  _ thanks, mom _ —plating up a small portion of it out of the big jar he keeps in the fridge. He makes everything up nicely and neatly in that cute dishware with the pandas that Yuta bought on his last overseas trip back home to Japan. Jaehyun flips the meat on the griddle and lets the smell of barbeque invade his senses. He feels content here, in this kitchen,  _ serene  _ even. Jaehyun whistles and sings to himself as he continues to cook and fix the table, and a wave of… unnecessary domesticity falls over him. It nearly chokes him, nearly strangles him, with the desire to have a mate and settle down and— 

Jaehyun braces himself against the counter of the sink and lets the weird nauseous feeling pass. He shakes his head, feeling slightly on edge, but able to ignore it. His stupid hormones are all over the place, his stupid mind is going one thousand miles a minute, and Jaehyun’s peanut brain is overwhelmed with warring desires, to  _ fuck  _ and  _ be fucked _ —like this is some Korean version of  _ Hamlet.  _

Jaehyun snorts,  _ I’m hilarious,  _ he thinks to himself, in a better mood again, thoughts of an Asian Shakespeare floating through his mind. He starts to plate up the last of the meat when the front door opens, and Jaehyun’s nose is…  _ assaulted  _ with the smell of— 

_ Omega heat. _

“Oh what the hell, Taeyong?” Jaehyun says, scrunching up his nose, as he sees Taeyong round the corner out of the doorway and into the kitchen.

“Smells delicious in here, Jae,” Taeyong comes up and rubs himself on Jaehyun’s front.

“That time of the month again?,” Jaehyun extracts himself from Taeyong’s grip, “you seriously smell like overripe lemons.”

“You’re so meeeeaaaaaaannn,” Taeyong whines, nuzzling back into Jaehyun’s body.

“Where’s Yuta? Doyoung?”

“Don’t know,” Taeyong breathes out, and Jaehyun can feel the sweat pooling on Taeyong’s neck as he tries to pull him off his front. “Don’t care,” Taeyong continues.

“Oh hell no,” Jaehyun says, turning back to his food and flipping the griddle off, he grabs the last plates of barbeque and moves it over to the dining table where he already has everything set up on. It’s a little tight of a fit, with the dining table being on just the side of too small for five people with big appetites to use, and the chairs are all mismatched wooden in various shades of stains, but they manage to make it work. Jaehyun feels Taeyong creeping up behind him again, pushing against his back.

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong whines again, this time his voice much more pinched.

Jaehyun moves himself away again, “Tae, you’re my best friend. You know I’d help you in a heartbeat. But there is absolutely no way in hell I am getting in between you and Yuta and… whatever the hell Doyoung’s role is in this whole thing.”

“Yuta means nothing to me,” Taeyong’s voice sounds fragile.

“Yeah, I totally believe that.” Jaehyun rolls his eyes, “go to your room, change your clothes, wash your face, maybe, spray yourself with some fucking—I don’t know Axe or something, and then come and have dinner. The rest of the gang will be here soon.”

Taeyong pouts, but Jaehyun keeps eye contact. Finally after a couple tense moments, Taeyong scoffs and goes off to his room, to hopefully do what Jaehyun’s asked of him. Jaehyun watches his retreating figure go and hears the door close softly, so he knows Taeyong can’t be too mad at him. 

Jaehyun obviously can’t catch a break tonight though, because soon enough Yuta and Doyoung and Jungwoo all enter the house in varying levels of dishevelment. And Doyoung’s got his  _ bitch  _ face on. Oh, joy.

“Welcome home,” Jaehyun says, pouring himself a drink from the fridge. All at once he is pressed, front plastered against the refrigerator, by both Yuta and Doyoung. Jaehyun can’t even get a word in edgewise before Yuta’s pulling his damn hair back and smelling him.

“You fucked Taeyong?!” He shouts and there is definitely a heavy tone of venom in his words.

“No he didn’t!” Jungwoo says, and he tries to pull Yuta and Doyoung off Jaehyun.

“What the fuck is going on?” Jaehyun says, feeling ambushed.

“Why do you smell like Taeyong?” Doyoung presses his hand hard against Jaehyun’s hip.

Yuta backs off at the same time Doyoung tries to move his grip around Jaehyun’s body and Jaehyun has enough strength to flip himself around and face his friends.

“What the  _ fuck  _ has gotten into you! Into the both of you!” 

Jungwoo finally manages to pry Yuta and Doyoung away from Jaehyun enough to give him some space to collect his bearings. Jungwoo pushes himself in front of Jaehyun and looks at Yuta and Doyoung squarely in the face.

“You two need to get your shit together! Your stupid alpha posturing outside the fucking gate nearly scared the shit out of me. And Taeyong. It’s no wonder why he jumped out of the fucking car and ran the rest of the way to our house. You two are impossible,” Jungwoo huffs.

“Taeyong did  _ what _ ?” Jaehyun fixes his collar and rights himself, grabbing his glass of water he took from the fridge and taking a small sip.

Yuta and Doyoung both  _ visibly  _ deflate at Jungwoo’s words. 

“Ugh,” Doyoung says, shaking his head, “ugh, fuck!”

“Serves you right,” Yuta intones, voice still on edge, “this was so stupid.”

“Go,” Jaehyun says, finally finding his voice, “go fucking shower, go change your clothes, go spray yourself with pheromone blockers and then come back out and have dinner. Twenty minutes.” Jaehyun uses his alpha voice on his two best friends, and while usually they would laugh in his face, they both look guilty enough to just nod and obey.

“And don’t forget to apologize to Taeyong when it’s dinnertime,” Jungwoo adds. Doyoung and Yuta give similar grunts of agreement before the doors to their room slam shut on either end of the house. 

“Jesus Christ,” Jaehyun breathes out, “what the fuck?”

“We all carpool home on Fridays, you know that,” Jungwoo starts rubbing a hand across his face and loosening his tie, “Yuta and Taeyong were already tense in the car when Yuta picked up me and Doyoung from work. I presume it’s because Taeyong’s heat started as he was leaving the office.” Jungwoo gets a soda out of the fridge and sits at the table, head in his hands.

“Doyoung is so stupid,” Jungwoo continues. Jaehyun nods—can’t really argue with that. “He said something… to the effect of calling Taeyong  _ easy _ . And then… well, Yuta’s a fucking dumbass too cause he basically agreed in that stupid ‘i’m gonna assert my dominance over this omega’ alpha type of way.”

“Oh my god,” Jaehyun says, “what a mess.”

“Yeah,” Jungwoo agrees, “it was hell on Earth by the time we reached the gate to enter the passcode. When Yuta stopped to key it in, Taeyong just… he just jumped the fuck out of the car door and started to run home.”

“Well that explains why he was so out of breath,” Jaehyun nods, “Why did you guys walk in looking like you went through the ringer?”

“Oh,” Jungwoo says, almost like he forgot that he and  _ Dumbass 1  _ and  _ 2  _ came home with their clothes messed up and looking like absolute shit. “They fought in the front of the driveway before we drove the car up closer.”

Jaehyun smacks a hand over his face, “Are you serious?”

“I had to pull them off each other. Twice.” Jungwoo pauses for a beat. 

“No lie, it was kinda hot. I mean… what they both said was fucked up but… it was really sexy to see Doyoung go all alpha in the front lawn and I—”

“Don’t finish that thought,” Jaehyun pleads. Jungwoo smirks and suddenly it’s like all the bizareness of the last hour has finally lifted. Jaehyun hears a door open and sees Taeyong making his way down the hallway, smelling less like the edge of heat and more like clean water, clean air, and Bath and Body Works lotion. He holds his hands together tightly in front of him, wringing his fingers together, and he holds his head down in shame.

“I’m sorry, Jae,” Taeyong says, “I just… I shouldn’t have come onto you like that. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Jaehyun says, patting Taeyong’s back gently, from a respectable distance of course, “you can’t control the way others react around you… and Yuta and Doyoung are responsible for sending your already fragile state of mind into a frenzy with their pissing contest.” He rolls his eyes.

“Thank you,” Taeyong says, eyes shining a little bit brighter than before.

Jungwoo looks like he’s about to speak up before there’s a knock on the front door. 

“I can’t catch a break,” Jaehyun says, and leaves the dining area to answer the door. “Jungwoo, can you heat the food up? And bring the rice to the table?”

“No problem,” Jungwoo says and he and Taeyong both get up to fix the food up again. 

Jaehyun gets to the door and opens it, unsure of who the hell would be knocking, and this time, once again, his nose is assaulted with the strong smell of overwhelming pheromones. But instead of an omega in heat it’s— 

“Hey Johnny,” Jaehyun says, voice light, chest tight. “What’s up?”

“Yuta texted me,” Johnny says, with a smile. “He invited me over for dinner?”

“Oh,” Jaehyun says.

Johnny looks at him expectantly.

“Oh, sorry!” Jaehyun moves himself out of the way, “come on in. Sorry, I just finished cooking about twenty minutes ago.”

“No problem, Jaehyun,” Johnny smiles at him again, and this time Jaehyun notices a small tupperware in Johnny’s hands. “I made chocolate chip cookies,” he hands the container to Jaehyun and closes the front door while taking off his shoes, “with marshmallows. Although I think the appropriate term would be s’mores, then wouldn’t it?” Johnny laughs, Jaehyun feels his fucking chest expand. “I made s’mores cookies, then!”

“Y-You bake?” Jaehyun stutters out, brain foggy and still stuck on the fact that Johnny brought cookies and Johnny is so sickly sweet and warm, gooey in the center like a fucking… literally like a fucking chocolate chip cookie.

Jaehyun’s brain is going to fucking explode at this rate.

“Yes,” Johnny says shyly once they get into the dining room. Jungwoo and Taeyong are putting the food back onto the table. 

“Wow,” is all Jaehyun’s peanut brain can say. He is saved from more frothing at the mouth by Doyoung and Yuta’s entrance out of their rooms and to the dining table. They both still look on edge, but at least they hang their heads in shame. Their entrance is enough of a distraction that Jaehyun doesn’t feel too bad leaving Johnny’s side to put the cookies in the kitchen for dessert time. He rests his head against the cold metal door of the fridge, tells himself mentally to  _ get a fucking grip _ , and walks back out into the dining room, where, once a-fucking-gain,  _ Dumbass 1  _ and  _ Dumbass 2  _ are posturing at each other for the sheer… dumbassery of it all. Jaehyun’s brain is too overloaded to think of any other kind of analogy right now. 

“What the fuck,” Jaehyun says out loud, and everyone looks up. Only Johnny and Jungwoo don’t look like deer caught in headlights. 

“I was just—”

“I suggested maybe—”

“I can eat in my room—”

“No,” Jaehyun says, he looks at Doyoung and Yuta, “Don’t care what you were going to suggest and I don’t care whatever you were gonna say.” He turns his attention towards to Taeyong, “You are most certainly  _ not  _ eating in your room.” 

“Taeyong,” Johnny speaks up, for the first time during this ordeal, and with a voice like that, everyone turns. “Sit next to me.”

“Okay,” Taeyong immediately agrees, and Doyoung and Yuta both look like they want to say some shit, but a quick raise of Johnny’s eyebrow has them both shutting up and locking away the key. Jaehyun is  _ so  _ turned on he could cry. 

He could also kiss Johnny right now for getting his stupid roommates to listen to him with a fucking  _ look _ .

_ Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…  _

Jungwoo pushes himself between Yuta and Doyoung and sits down, not giving a single shit for whatever is happening to the two alphas behind him. The table is enough to comfortably fit four, squeeze five, and  _ super  _ squeeze six, but they make it work by pulling chairs up to the sides. Jaehyun’s legs can’t comfortable move under the table, but at this point, he’s tired, horny, and hungry. He just wants to satisfy at least one of those cravings tonight.

Doyoung and Yuta wring their hands but then sit down next to each other, with Jungwoo on Doyoung’s right, directly across from Taeyong and Johnny. There’s a sick sense of accomplishment that passes over Doyoung’s face, and Jaehyun watches as Jungwoo’s expression sours before settling into a neutral one. He can’t bring himself to really give a shit right now, so much has happened since he got off work, and sadly enough, he still hasn’t jerked off yet. 

Yes, Jaehyun knows  _ exactly  _ what his priorities really are. 

That thought reminds him at least, that the bottle of lube he bought is almost out, and Jaehyun tries to pretend that he didn’t just buy it like two or some odd weeks ago. Because to face the reality that he’s gone through almost half a liter of lube… triggers his flight or fight response on an entirely different level—especially when he can’t run away from himself, and the only person he’d have to beat up is… himself as well. Go figure.

“This food is delicious, Jaehyun,” Johnny says and Jaehyun comes back down to Earth.

“Huh?” he says intelligently.

“The kimchi is really good,” Johnny says around a mouthful, “where did you buy it?”

“Jaehyun makes it himself!” Jungwoo pipes up, pulling more meat on his plate and covering it in sriracha. Jaehyun scrunches up his nose.

“Are you serious?” 

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says shyly, “I make it myself.”

“What the hell, that’s so cool,” Johnny’s eyes are so big and Jaehyun wants to get lost in them. He feels someone kick his shin and looks to his right, where Yuta stopped eating to give Jaehyun a weird  _ look _ . 

Jaehyun looks at him curiously, unsure what he’s trying to imply. He looks away, hoping his emotions aren’t so easy to read. He can’t—they can’t  _ know _ .

“It’s getting really hot, right?” Taeyong pipes up next to Johnny and all eyes turn to him curiously.

“Hey, Jae, did you make this really spicy? I can’t feel my mouth.”

“Nothing spicier than usual,” Jaehyun says, “You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Taeyong says, kind of breathless, “I am really hungry though. Think I’ll just avoid the kimchi for now. Can someone pass me the meat?”

Yuta and Doyoung’s hands both grab for the plate at the same time, neither one backing off, until Jungwoo says, “Oh, Jesus fucking Christ,” and rips the plate out of their hands before placing some meat on Taeyong’s plate for him.

“Thanks, Woo,” Taeyong says.

Jungwoo grunts in agreement, “Yeah, yeah.”

And that’s how dinner continues for the most part, Jaehyun getting shot weird looks by Yuta every time after he finishes a short conversation with Johnny, Doyoung and Yuta posturing over the dinner table every time Taeyong asks for someone to pass him something, and Jungwoo rolling his eyes so hard Jaehyun’s not sure how they haven’t fallen out of his head yet. And then there’s Johnny, who seems to be the only one entirely unbothered by everything around him. He hasn’t given a command since he told Taeyong to sit next to him, and even with the alpha pheromones from  _ Asshole 1  _ and  _ 2  _ flooding the air, Johnny is content to just let them duke out their differences in passive aggressive battles for dominance over barbeque short ribs and beansprouts. 

It’s later then, when everyone’s all clustered up in the living room to hang out and drink beers, bellies full of food and kitchen cleaned up, that Jaehyun allows himself to snuggle up closer into Johnny’s presence. He thinks everyone’s too preoccupied to notice him gravitate just a little closer into Johnny’s touch, too caught up in playing PUBG and knocking back bottles of beer to care. Jaehyun allows himself this small comfort, Johnny probably not even realizing Jaehyun moved closer to him. He reaches for a cookie out of the tupperware on the coffee table and starts munching on it, his tummy feeling nice and warm with how content he feels in this moment.

“Guys it’s—” Taeyong cuts himself off, voice winded, “It’s getting really hot in here, isn’t it?”

“It’s pretty cold in here,” Jungwoo pipes up, pulling the blanket he brought out of his room tighter around himself.

“I’m… it’s just so  _ hot _ .” Taeyong says again, voice a whine, and that has every alpha, including Jaehyun—to some degree—perk up at least.

Jaehyun makes a move first. “Taeyongie,” he gets up out of his cocoon of comfort and walks over to where Taeyong is sitting by himself on the recliner chair. 

At the same time he puts a hand on Taeyong’s shoulder, he hears an inhuman  _ growl  _ rip out from behind him. 

Jaehyun turns around and sees Yuta standing up, red face, red eyes, challenging him.

“Don’t  _ touch  _ him,” Yuta spits.

Taeyong whimpers, and Jaehyun can start to smell the fear building underneath his heat scent. 

“Why not?” Doyoung interjects, “you don’t own Taeyong,” and Jaehyun is about to actually thank Doyoung for helping out, until his continues talking with his big fat mouth, “Maybe he wants _me_ to fuck him tonight.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Yuta snaps, at Doyoung, and Doyoung stands up off the ground. Jungwoo pauses the video game, and cowers under the blanket, whimpering slightly. “Taeyong’s my  _ fucking  _ omega, you bitch.”

“I don’t see a claim mark,” Doyoung spits back, and now they’ve moved out of the area of the coffee table, and behind the big sectional couch, circling each other as much as they can in their limited space. Their feet creak against the hardwood floors.

“As far as I’m concerned,” Doyoung says, and  _ Oh fuck _ , Jaehyun thinks,  _ Doyoung is pissed _ , “an omega is on the market until they’re claimed.”

“That’s such a fucking bullshit thing to say and you  _ know  _ it!” Jungwoo shouts, getting fed up with the increasing amount of alpha pheromones in the air. Taeyong whimpers again and Jaehyun can smell nothing but an overwhelming sense of  _ fear  _ fill his nostrils. Taeyong tries to sink lower in the couch, but his whimper attracts Yuta and Doyoung’s attention away from each other and back onto him. 

“Come,” Yuta says, “let me help you. My omega.”

“You’re fucking nasty,” Doyoung spits, “I can help you instead, Tae.”

“Not after what you said about him!” Yuta shouts.

“It’s the fucking truth, isn’t it? That’s what omegas are for… they’re for _ us.  _ Don’t even lie to me, you fucker. I know all the nasty shit you say about Taeyong. You tell me everything when your stupid ass is drunk. How he begs you, pleads with you, hangs off your fucking knot. How you say he looks like a fucking  _ slut,  _ like a  _ whore _ —”

Yuta throws a punch at Doyoung and Doyoung blocks him. They both collide to the ground on impact, and Jaehyun rolls his eyes, hopes to god one of those fucking idiots doesn’t break their bones. Taeyong gets up in a flash to try and break the two clowns apart, and he moves so fast, Jaehyun doesn’t even have time to grab him and tell him what a  _ horrible  _ idea it is to try and get between two alphas who are currently fighting out their fucking hormones. 

“You’re both so stupid!” Jungwoo shouts exasperatedly, already trying to pull Doyoung off of Yuta, who he has pinned to the ground with his hips. 

“Stop fighting guys, please,” Taeyong pleads, and his sugary, overripe lemon smell gets stronger the more antsy and scared he’s become.

“Fuck this,” Jaehyun says, keeping his distance. It’s one thing for a beta and an omega to jump into an alpha fight, it’s another thing for another alpha to join in entirely. Jaehyun wants to enjoy his weekend, and not have a fucking broken nose, or cause irreparable damage to his body—namely his nether regions. He  _ needs  _ those. 

“Does this always happen?” Johnny says, standing up from the couch and walking next to Jaehyun. 

“Every couple of months or so, these two will duke it out,” Jaehyun explains, “but it hasn’t been this bad, ever. And it’s because… well I don’t even know why. But Taeyong started sleeping around with Yuta and Doyoung’s all fucked up on all this alpha shit. And then he makes Yuta fucked up on it too.”

“We should stop them,” Johnny suggests, “with something to take their mind off each other.”

“I’m open to your suggestions,” Jaehyun says.

“It’s a weird one.”

Jaehyun watches as Yuta sends a fist up that almost collides with Doyoung’s jaw. It hits his neck instead, full on, and even Jaehyun has to wince at the impact.  _ Fuck,  _ he thinks. If that punch had connected, Doyoung’s jaw would’ve fucking broke. He rolls over onto the floor, the wind knocked out of him, and Jungwoo takes this moment to try to pull Yuta off of Doyoung.

“Stop fighting guys!” he shouts.

“Don’t touch me you fucking beta  _ bitch _ !” Yuta snarls at Jungwoo, sending an arm out to make contact with him. Taeyong tries to get Yuta to calm down with his scent, overloading the air with his lemony smell, but that just seems to egg Yuta on even more.

“Don’t you fucking talk to him that way!” Doyoung hurls himself at Yuta with renewed energy. Jungwoo looks on in shock, having not expected Doyoung to say anything, or even  _ care  _ for that matter. “How dare you fucking disrespect Woo!” Doyoung pushes Yuta again onto his back and the cycle starts all over again. They’ve each got a bloody eye, and Yuta’s sporting a split lip from where Doyoung’s rings made connection with his mouth. There’s dried blood on his shirt, and Jaehyun can’t fucking stand it. He feels himself jerk forward, to try and stop this pissing contest, but then a hand clamps down on his shoulder.

“Don’t,” Johnny says, “it’ll be worse.”

“How weird is your suggestion?” Jaehyun says, trying to continue their previous train of thought.

“Pretty weird.”

“Well,” Jaehyun sighs, exasperated, “ _ How  _ weird?”

“Kiss me.” 

Jaehyun feels his brain, that is currently going a million miles a minute, slam on the breaks so hard it’s like he’s having an out of body experience. Currently, Jaehyun feels like his soul is across the room, slamming face first into the concrete wall of their house. Because Johnny did not really just suggest—

“What?” Jaehyun’s eyes are wide.

“A distraction, right? It’ll work,” Johnny says, eyes determined, “trust me.”

Jaehyun looks over at his two dumbass best friends, currently beating the shit out of each other and feels like at this point he has no choice. “Okay,” he agrees, and pitches his body closer to Johnny, “kiss me.”

They move together at the same time and the kiss is  _ soft _ . For the first few moments, Jaehyun just feels the pressure of Johnny’s lips against his, as he tries to get his bearing to kiss  _ up  _ for once. Soon, he feels Johnny push against his mouth, and Jaehyun pushes back, intent to give as good as he’s gonna get. Johnny’s lips are soft where Jaehyun bites them. Johnny answers back in kind, attaching one hand to Jaehyun’s neck and the other to his face as he deepens the kiss even more. Jaehyun feels himself gasp audibly, wantonly, and so  _ fucking  _ loudly, as he finds his butt pressed up against the back of the sectional. Johnny’s got a big, warm hand on Jaehyun’s lower back, bracing himself against him.

Jaehyun pushes against Johnny, determined not to secede so easily. The alpha inside the both of them rears up, and Jaehyun pushes and pushes against Johnny’s tongue, fighting for his place in this kiss, unwilling to bow out dominance so easily. Johnny gives back more than Jaehyun thought he could, tightening his hand against Jaehyun’s jaw, moving his hand up Jaehyun’s back. Jaehyun runs his hand through Johnny’s hair and  _ tugs  _ and Johnny gasps against his mouth. Johnny pushes Jaehyun even closer to the back of the couch with his hips, and Jaehyun feels himself groan. Johnny—the sneaky shit—uses that opportunity to just jam his tongue down Jaehyun’s throat, and Jaehyun is so fucking turned on, so fucking turned on,  _ this is so hot,  _ it’s so fucking hot, that he finally just… stops pushing against Johnny. 

He lets Johnny lead.

Johnny’s entire scent envelopes him and for a while Jaehyun can almost pretend like it’s just him and Johnny and no one else here in the room. When they break apart, the first thing Jaehyun notices is the eerie silence in the living room.

He turns his head to look over at his friends. Yuta and Doyoung each have equal looks of pity and outright…  _ disgust  _ written on their features. Jungwoo and Taeyong look too damned surprised to say anything, Jungwoo’s eyes the size of his dinner plate from hours ago.

“What the fuck, dude?” Doyoung shouts.

“Bro, that’s fucking gross,” Yuta says.

Jaehyun feels embarrassment fill his cheeks, but whatever. “At least it got you assholes to stop fighting.”

“What the fuck, man,” Doyoung says, “That’s literally so nasty.” Doyoung doesn’t even make eye contact with Jaehyun. He looks at Johnny but Jaehyun is too busy staring at the wall next to Yuta’s head to see what expression Johnny has on his face. “You’re an alpha, Jaehyun. Fucking act like one.”

“Like I  _ said _ ,” Jaehyun starts, “it got you fucking jerks to stop fighting.”

“Ugh, whatever,” Doyoung says, “I’m over this shit.” And he gets up off the ground, wipes his mouth on his shirt sleeve. Jungwoo shoots him a glance but Doyoung blatantly ignores him. They all watch as Doyoung walks out of the living and goes down the left hallway, before they hear the slam of his bedroom door.

Yuta gets up off the floor too, and now, Jaehyun’s had enough time to right himself and put some space between he and Johnny. He still hasn’t looked at him. And Taeyong and Jungwoo still look like fishes. 

“Man, Jaehyun,” Yuta starts, “you just get weirder by the fucking day.” He shakes his head and then looks at his co-worker, “Johnny…”

“Yuta,” Johnny says, all alpha steel.

“Right,” Yuta replies back, instantly deflating from whatever other caustic mark he was going to make. “I guess I should say thank you for getting me and Doyoung to stop fighting.”

“You should,” Johnny says in the same tone of voice, and it’s almost fulfilling enough to watch him squirm under Johnny’s authority, before Jaehyun remembers all the shit his friend’s said about him.

“Thank you,” Yuta intones, and there’s no malice behind it, “really. Thanks.” Johnny may not notice it, but Jaehyun sees it. He  _ senses  _ it. Yuta doesn’t look towards him. Yuta doesn’t give him the same respect.

Yuta looks at Taeyong, forlornly, and Taeyong is now snapped back to reality enough to shake his head once. “Go,” Taeyong says, in the most steely voice Jaehyun has ever heard him use, “I’m not talking to you.”

Yuta sighs, but then straightens himself out, “Fine!” he says, “Whatever.” And then they all watch him walk down the opposite hallway of Doyoung’s, on the right, before hearing him slam his door shut too.

“Well,” Jaehyun says, “that went… well.”

“Sure did,” Johnny replies.

“I am so  _ fucking  _ sorry,” Taeyong says, eyes wet, as he looks up at Jaehyun, “Jae—I can’t. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Hey,” Jaehyun says, alpha steel in his tone, “those two fucks,” and he points at either end of the room, “not having their shit together, is  _ not  _ your fault. Them not being able to control themselves around you?  _ Not  _ your damn fault. They’ve each got their head and their alpha so far up their own ass.”

“Okay,” Taeyong says, and Jaehyun wraps him up in a warm hug. 

“Do not blame yourself for their faults, they should have better control of their instincts.”

“Like you,” Jungwoo adds in, joining the hug. “Come here,” he motions to Johnny who’s just standing awkwardly besides them, “you can join in our hug too.”

“Thanks!” Johnny says, with a big smile, “I love hugs.”

   They all hold each other for a couple seconds, and Jaehyun feels a strong sense of contentment here. Once they break apart, Taeyong pipes up, “Um… it was… uh,” he scrambles for words.

Jungwoo looks at Taeyong like he knows exactly what he’s trying to get at. “He means he thought it was sexy when you two made out. I thought it was hot too.”

Johnny’s boisterous laugh fills the air, and Jaehyun feels his cheeks heat up. “Oh god, Woo.”

“What? It’s true.”

“Two alphas…” Taeyong says, feeling wistful, “never thought I’d ever see that in my life.”

“Same here,” Jungwoo adds in, “that was… quite the spectacle to watch. When you guys let down your guard and throw away your stupid hormones… you aren’t so bad.”

“Thanks, Woo,” Jaehyun says rolling his eyes. He turns to Johnny, “Seriously Johnny, thanks for your help.”

“It was no problem.”

“Your idea was definitely not the first thing I’d ever think of but, uh… well it worked.”  _ To say the least _ . 

“Aw man,” Johnny says, once he glances at his watch, “I better head home now, It’s a long day tomorrow! Take care of yourself, Taeyong,” he turns to the omega, “you always have friends around.”

“Thanks Johnny,” Taeyong stutters out, “see you around.”

“Bye guys,” Johnny waves and Jungwoo shouts goodbye. Jaehyun can merely only give him a nod. 

Once the door shuts, everything deflates inside Jaehyun. Did he… did he really just make out with  _ Johnny _ ? And oh, oh god. Yuta called him gross. Doyoung thinks he’s  _ disgusting _ . Jaehyun feels his chest tighten, feels his stomach start to crawl, it’s like he can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t— 

“Calm down,” Jungwoo places a tentative hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder, “you’re gonna be alright.”

“I need to lie down,” Jaehyun says. “Oh my fucking—” He puts his head in his hands.

“Hey,” Taeyong smoothes out, his voice velvety soft, “please don’t be ashamed… you got them to stop fighting… and like we said… it was really hot to watch.”

“What will they think of me tomorrow?”

“Worry about it tomorrow,” Jungwoo shrugs, “they’re both stuck feeling guilty and like the complete idiots they are. Don’t think about it.” Jungwoo rubs his back.

“Okay,” Jaehyun says.

“Guys, I’m tired,” Taeyong yawns, “I’m gonna go to bed now.”

“Do you—uh, need help?”

“Thanks for offering Jae, but I’ll be okay. I’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Jaehyun nods and Taeyong bids them both goodnight, before making his way to his room, down the same hallway as Yuta’s just the first door on the left. 

“I’m exhausted,” Jaehyun rubs his eyes.

“Wanna cuddle?” Jungwoo offers.

“Yes,” Jaehyun agrees, so glad he didn’t have to ask Jungwoo. 

Jungwoo motions with his head to go to his room, which is right next to Doyoung’s. Jaehyun feels weird walking past him, feels some underlying sense of  _ fear  _ but Jungwoo quickly pushes him inside his room and onto his bed. Jungwoo’s calm, clean, warm laundry beta scent fills Jaehyun’s head, and he finds himself just a little bit closer to peace.

Jungwoo maneuvers Jaehyun around until he’s the little spoon, and sprawls  his hand over Jaehyun’s stomach. “Thanks for dinner,” Jungwoo says against Jaehyun’s neck.

“You’re welcome.”

“And for giving me alpha-on-alpha jerk off fantasies for the rest of my life.”

“Shut up,” Jaehyun pushes against Jungwoo, but there’s no heat in his words.

They lay in silence for a long moment, Jaehyun’s body exhausted but mind still whirring on full power. He tries to focus on Jungwoo’s breathing to fall asleep but it doesn’t work. 

“I kissed him,” he says into the silence.

“You sure did,” Jungwoo replies, voice a little foggy. “Actually,  _ he  _ kissed  _ you _ . But that’s semantics.”

Jaehyun can’t even bother to fight against Jungwoo. Jungwoo is too warm, too soft. Too much of his best friend.

“Touch me,” Jaehyun pleads, brain still too wired up to fall asleep. “Please.”

“Only because I love you,” Jungwoo replies, rolling Jaehyun onto his back, “and because you’re my best friend.”

Jaehyun nods, “What are your plans for Doyoung?”

“Is this really the best time to ask?”

Jaehyun shrugs.

“I don’t know,” Jungwoo says, as he works off Jaehyun’s sweatpants, “the shit he said tonight… I don’t know.”

“You can’t control who you like,” Jaehyun says as a peace offering.

“Oh, wouldn’t you know it,” Jungwoo agrees with a wink. Jaehyun rolls his eyes.

They fall into a steady rhythm, as Jaehyun manages to get Jungwoo’s cock free of his sweatpants too. Jaehyun works on Jungwoo slowly, more intent on getting him off quickly, not focussing too much on finesse. 

“Johnny would love you like this,” Jungwoo bends down and whispers in Jaehyun’s ear, “all spread out for him, begging for him.”

“Please don’t,” Jaehyun begs, but feels his traitorous body jerk up at Jungwoo’s words.

Jungwoo laughs but it’s a beautiful sound, a wonderful sound, it’s not cruel, or demeaning, it’s the laugh of some who’s teasing their best friend about a crush. 

“You’re gonna get your man, bitch,” Jungwoo says, as he continues jerking Jaehyun off.

“You’ll get yours too,” Jaehyun agrees, and then they continue to work on each other, nothing but the sounds of their heavy breathing filling the room. If Doyoung hears them at it, Jaehyun doesn’t know and Jungwoo doesn’t care. When they come, all over each other’s stomachs, Jaehyun takes off his old shirt and wipes the come off of them. He pulls his pants back up and rolls over onto the bed, facing Jungwoo.

“The orange hair is nice,” Jaehyun says, reaching out to touch some strands.

“Thank you,” Jungwoo says breathlessly.

“Even though you look like a tangerine.”

“Oh, fuck you,” he rolls his eyes, but the smile on his face lets Jaehyun know that Jungwoo doesn’t mean it.

Jungwoo cuddles up close to him, pushing his back up to Jaehyun’s chest, and Jaehyun nuzzles into Jungwoo’s hair.

“Goodnight, baby,” Jungwoo says.

“Oh, shut up,” Jaehyun replies.

Jungwoo’s ring of laughter welcomes him into sleep.

***

Jaehyun opens his eyes to a peaceful Saturday morning, and finds himself wrapped up in Jungwoo’s embrace, they must’ve changed positions in the night, but Jaehyun is much too content to care.

He judges Jungwoo awake. “What do you want for breakfast?”

Jungwoo yawns, eyes blinking open slowly. “Eggs,” he mumbles, stretching his body across the bed, “bacon.” 

“Demanding,” Jaehyun rolls his eyes, “I’ll cook it for you.”

“I love you,” Jungwoo whines, “I really do.” His face looks like an emoji.

“I know you do,” Jaehyun grins, standing up, “I love you too.” 

Jaehyun turns to find a shirt to put on, realizes he’s in Jungwoo’s room, then shrugs. He grabs something clean out of the drawer and pulls it over himself.

“Hey,” Jungwoo says, “If things don’t work out between you and your man,” and Jungwoo wiggles his eyebrows like the absolute shit he is, “I call dibs on you.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes, “Who else would call dibs on me?”

“Taeyong,” Jungwoo says, “duh.”

Now Jaehyun rolls his eyes even more, “I swear you’re insufferable. Come out to eat in like half an hour or so.”

Jungwoo smiles at him from the bed as Jaehyun exits his room. He makes a quick run to the bathroom first to take care of his morning routine, and suddenly starts to feel much more like a real person. 

Jaehyun makes quick work of taking out the ingredients for breakfast, and starts frying up the bacon while the rice cooks. He hums a song softly to himself, sipping on a cup of orange juice as he flips the meat in the pot. The bacon smell wafts around the house, and Jaehyun hopes it’s enough to rouse Yuta and Doyoung out of their rooms too. He’s content to just pretend last night didn’t happen, and the shit they said about him didn’t happen. He hopes they’ll be willing to stay in the same boat. Jaehyun shuts the stove off as he finishes up the scrambled eggs, and starts to bring the food to the kitchen table. He hears someone walk into the dining room and looks up, expecting to be greeted by Jungwoo, but is instead met with the steely eyes of Yuta.

“Good morning,” Jaehyun says, unwilling to let awkwardness overwhelm him. 

Yuta grunts that he heard Jaehyun, but he does nothing to acknowledge him.

“Hello,” Jaehyun tries again, and is met with no response. 

“Yuta, what the hell?” 

Yuta stares at the floor, “What do you want me to say, Jae? I can’t look at you right now.”

“Well I stopped you from being an idiot last night.”

“Too bad you couldn’t stop yourself,” another voice interjects and Jaehyun looks away from Yuta to see Doyoung’s joined the fray. 

“Where’s Jungwoo?”

“Why?” Doyoung asks, “looking for your protection?” He smirks.

“That’s enough, Dons,” Yuta quips, “come off it.”

“So you can make fun of him but I can’t?” He rolls his eyes, “You didn’t hear him and Jungwoo at it—all  _ fucking  _ night.”

“Are you fucking jealous or what?” Jaehyun snaps, letting his inner alpha take the reigns. “You mad I got him under me?” Jaehyun cringes the moment the words leave his mouth.

“More like  _ you’re  _ under him,” Doyoung laughs. “Whatever, you freak.” He shakes his head, “Anyway, good morning.”

“Good morning indeed,” Yuta says. 

Jaehyun feels affronted, and he  _ wants  _ to say something, but he also knows how absolutely  _ worthless  _ it would be to even bother, so he rolls his eyes and continues with his morning. 

The three alphas stand in silence around the dining table for a couple minutes until Taeyong and Jungwoo make their way out of their rooms. 

“Morning sunshine,” Jungwoo says to Jaehyun, obviously rubbing himself against Jaehyun in a more or less obvious way to piss off Doyoung. It just never stops, huh.  _ Jesus.  _ “Thanks for cooking for me,” Jungwoo says happily. 

But apparently that was the wrong thing to say in front of Yuta and Doyoung, cause now they both have matching grins, malicious and vile, as the laughter bubbles out from their chests.

“So… you cooked for Jungwoo?” Yuta asks. 

“I cooked for all of us.”

“But Jungwoo first and foremost, right?”

“He asked me too… it’s just breakfast.”

Yuta rolls his eyes, “It’s so much more than breakfast, dude.”

They all grab plates and start to make their food, Yuta makes a plate for Taeyong to which he looks grateful, and Jaehyun pretends he can’t see the steam coming out of Doyoung’s ears. 

“Here,” Jungwoo says, putting a plate of food in front of Jaehyun’s face along with a filled glass of orange juice, “eat.”

“Thanks—”

Jaehyun starts to say but is rudely cut off by the raucous laughter of Doyoung and Yuta. 

“I’m sorry, are you fucking serious right now,” Doyoung laughs, “You’re really gonna let this beta tell you what to do, huh.”

“This  _ beta _ ,” Jaehyun bites out, “is our—my—best friend,” Jaehyun gives Doyoung a steely look, but he just scoffs in response. “I would do anything you guys asked of me,” Jaehyun continued, “because I love each and every one of you.”

“See, that’s your problem,” Yuta says, around a mouthful of bacon, “you’d do anything we asked of you. That’s such a fucking bitch thing to say.” 

“What do you mean by  _ that _ ?” Taeyong interrupts, ice in his voice. “What makes that such a  _ bitch thing to say _ ? Is it cause that’s what normally an  _ omega  _ would do?”

Yuta’s silence is answer enough. 

“Yeah,” Taeyong breathes heavily, “that’s what I fucking thought. Leave Jaehyun alone.”

And Jaehyun is about to turn to Taeyong and tell him that his words were unnecessary, but Jaehyun can just…  _ feel, taste, smell,  _ the rage boiling over from Doyoung’s side of the table, and he keeps his mouth shut. 

“So, a beta and an omega to fight your battles for you,” Doyoung laughs. “Man, get your fucking shit together. You’re such a weak alpha. I can’t even look at you after you let Johnny fucking rub his scent all over you—let him fucking  _ own  _ you.”

“I-I did it to get you guys to stop fighting,” Jaehyun’s voice sounds shaky to his own ears, but he stands his ground, “and it fucking worked.”

“I can’t even look at you,” Yuta bites out, plate of food now empty, “all I can see is an alpha who let another alpha take him.”

“I had equal ground in that kiss… and it was for a good reason,” Jaehyun tries again.

“Equal ground? Please,” Doyoung rolls his eyes as he sips his water, “you gave yourself to him the moment you could.” Doyoung sighs, “Thanks for the breakfast,” he says, but there’s an undertone to his words, like he’s looking down at Jaehyun for being the only one who can honest to god function in the fucking kitchen, alpha, beta, or  _ omega _ designations aside. “It was real domestic, sweetie,” Doyoung quips and leaves with that, taking his plate to the sink to wash before he heads back to his room.

“He’s being a real ass,” Taeyong says into the silence, “I love him, but I can’t stand him lately.”

“I agree,” Yuta says.

“No you fucking don’t,” Taeyong looks at him, and his eyes are like a slap to the face, “Not after the shit you just pulled. Not after what you pulled last night. How fucking…  _ dare  _ you…” Taeyong let’s his voice trail off. 

Yuta looks like he wants to say something to Taeyong, but he keeps his mouth zipped. 

“Look,” he starts, eyes on Jaehyun, “Doyoung’s an asshole but he’s right. Man, I just can’t help but think about Johnny all over you when I look at you. And then… you making breakfast for all of us… it really is so…  _ domestic. _ ”

Jaehyun feels his heart shatter at his friends words. He looks down at his plate. 

“I’m sorry man, but that’s our biology,” Yuta shrugs, “you’re weird. You’re so weird.”

“I’ve heard enough about some fucking biology,” Jungwoo butts in, “it’s dumb. Stupid. Makes you think you have to like someone based on their designation versus their heart.” Jungwoo looks off to where Doyoung’s room is at. 

“A load of bullshit,” Taeyong chimes in, giggling. He avoids looking at Yuta.

“I’m gonna go for a run,” Yuta says, rolling his eyes, “Thanks for the food, Jae,” he looks directly at Jaehyun for the first time this morning, “it was really good.”

“You’re welcome,” Jaehyun says, fighting against the swell of emotions that is trying to override him. Yuta nods once and then heads back to his room. 

“That went better than expected,” Jungwoo says.

“Sure,” Jaehyun half agrees.

“I can’t stand either of them right now,” Taeyong announces. He looks at the two of them, “If either of them ask… I’m in my room the whole day.”

“Where are you going?” Jaehyun asks.

“Ten’s.”

“Oh Jesus,” Jungwoo sighs, “you’re really asking for them to fight in the yard again, aren’t you?”

Taeyong shrugs, “I don’t care.” 

“We don’t know where you are today,” Jaehyun concedes, “we really don’t.”

“Perfect,” Taeyong says, and smiles at them both. 

***

Try as he might to not let Doyoung and Yuta’s words get to him, Jaehyun slips into a funk for the better part of two weeks. He finds himself constantly alert, mind and body, thinking about Johnny, but the moment he catches a whiff of his scent, either at home or when he’s out with the guys, he tucks tail and turns the other way. He knows it’s been absolutely useless to try and get away from Johnny considering he’s Yuta really good friend, but perhaps luck has been on his side lately since Johnny’s been too busy with one of their current projects at work to come over as much.

“They’re ruthless,” Yuta says as he flops down onto the couch.

“Why?” Jaehyun flips through the channel, feet propped up on the coffee table, he was too lazy to cook dinner tonight so the pizza he and Yuta ordered should be on it’s way.

“The fucking—ugh, the fucking assholes in the accounting department screwed up so many of the numbers from the last quarters pay raises,” Yuta breathes into the arm of the couch. “So me and Johnny in payroll have to deal with angry employees from eight in the morning ‘til we go the hell home.”

“Johnny?”

“Don’t be weird,” Yuta says, looking at Jaehyun with a frown.

“I didn’t know you guys both actually worked in payroll, thought he was just around the vicinity of revenues too.” 

“Sure,” Yuta says, pausing, “anyway, what’s up with Jungwoo, man?”

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun asks, though he knows full well exactly what Yuta is talking about. Jungwoo hasn’t looked Doyoung in the face since that breakfast two weeks ago. The tension is suffocating when the two of them are in the same room, and Doyoung’s stupid prideful alpha self won’t apologize, and Jungwoo’s bitterness and pettiness outrivals nearly everyone else. Most of the time, Jungwoo will escape to his bedroom and only let Jaehyun in, which of course, is all the more helpful in making Doyoung even  _ more  _ of a fucking asshole than usual. 

“He just…,” Yuta shrugs, “he seems so down lately.”

“He is,” Jaehyun says, before he can stop himself, “but I don’t think it’s any of our business.”

“Guess you’re right,” Yuta intones, and settles in to watch the  _ Food Network  _ with Jaehyun. He’s grateful of course, that Yuta is talking to him again, and interacting with him again, albeit sometimes Yuta will still push buttons he wouldn’t normally push on another alpha per se. Jaehyun feels a twinge of irritation when those moments happen, but for all of Yuta’s dumbass alpha faults, he’s usually able to quickly regain some semblance of composure. It also helps that Jaehyun has been avoiding Johnny like the plague, so that their interactions around each other are few and far in between.

The same can’t be said for Doyoung, however, who, if he wasn’t paying for a fifth of the fucking mortgage and other utility bills, Jaehyun would’ve summarily kicked his ass out like a bad episode of  _ Survivor _ . Doyoung hasn’t so much as looked in Jaehyun’s general direction for the past two weeks, a combination of the shit that happened during  _ fight night, _ as Jungwoo likes to call it, and the subsequent fact that Jaehyun spends most of his time with Jungwoo now anyway. Doyoung’s pretty much on his fucking own, and Jaehyun really, truly, honestly cannot care less than he does right now. If Doyoung doesn’t want to speak to him, fine, so be it. Jaehyun’s not gonna let Doyoung’s inability to be a normal person interfere with his regular day to day life. 

In any case, things inside the house aren’t the best at the moment, but Jaehyun wants to confidently say that since they are  _ all  _ adults they are equipped to handle this shit and come to some kind of agreement. When that agreement comes, however, might as well be when pigs fly. His roommates are stubborn, and Jaehyun’s not willing to give an inch either—not going to give Yuta or Doyoung another reason to think he’s some shitty alpha. 

“How’s you and Taeyong?” Jaehyun asks to fill up the silence. 

“Been better, I guess.”

“At least he’s talking to you.”

“You’re right,” Yuta stretches his legs out in front of him, “I did beg for forgiveness,” he turns to Jaehyun pensively, “in more ways than one.” 

“Gross,” Jaehyun says, rolling his eyes. He knocks his shoulder against Yuta and Yuta doesn’t pull back. Things are still less savory than they used to be, but Jaehyun will count this as a win nevertheless. 

The pizza arrives at the same time that Taeyong and Jungwoo do, with Doyoung close behind them. They all give their greetings except Doyoung. He grunts in acknowledgement before grabbing a slice of pizza out of the box and putting it on one of the plates and taking a seat at the table. 

Jaehyun has an overwhelming urge to break the tense atmosphere between himself and Doyoung and Doyoung and Jungwoo, but before he can word vomit all over the floor, the doorbell rings. Fearing the absolute worst, like,  _ Johnny  _ being at the door, Jaehyun gets prepared to tuck tail and hide, before the scrape of chair legs against the wooden floor reverberates throughout the room. 

“My guest,” Taeyong announces, and everyone’s wide eyed.

“Who—?” Jaehyun starts to say, before he hears a snort, ringing laughter, and a mischievous voice fill his ears.

_ Ten.  _

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the four musketeers and their sidekick,” Ten says, making a sweeping motion with his arms. He’s got 4 earrings in each ear this time, and no bad dye job. Jaehyun’s gonna take this as it comes. 

“Who’s the sidekick?” Yuta pipes up, going over to give Ten a playful shove.

“Doyoung, of course,” Ten answers with a shit eating grin.

“Can it, Chittaphon,” Doyoung says, voice strained. He has pizza sauce on his cheek. 

“Make me, baby,” Ten smirks. Jaehyun looks at Doyoung like he can see the actual steam coming out of his ears, can feel his irritation grow with each passing second of being in the other omega’s presence. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Ugh, fuck you,” Doyoung relents, then proceeds to go back to eating his pizza and pretending that no one else is near him. 

Jaehyun knows that Ten is one of Taeyong’s best friends from college, he also knows that said best friend is one of the reasons for Doyoung’s premature grey hair. Jaehyun doesn’t really care to know much else to the story, lest Doyoung find out Jaehyun knows his deep dark emotional secrets and then come and strangle him in his sleep or something. 

Jaehyun shrugs, noncommittally, then says, “Come and sit down, Ten, there’s plenty of pizza here.”

“Thanks Jaehyun,” he offers a genuine smile. 

The dinner progresses on enough after that, small talk, office chatter, and the occasional laugh here and there filling out the space. It’s definitely an improvement from the last time they had guests, and with there being an extra omega presence in the house, it has definitely lowered Yuta and Doyoung’s instincts to a much more palatable level. They eat the pizza until they clean up all of the three large boxes they ordered, and slowly they all migrate into the living room and fill the chairs up. 

“PUBG?” Yuta suggests, and there’s a chorus of replies from nearly everyone. 

He laughs and gets the game set up, passing a controller to Taeyong who called first dibs. Jaehyun isn’t really much of a gamer himself, but he’s content to bask in the happiness that his friends are exuding, and forget about his own personal failures as an alpha instead. He settles down on the couch next to Ten, who curls himself closer to Jaehyun instantly.

“Hey,” Ten says, “how’ve you been?”

“Good, good,” Jaehyun replies, “I haven’t seen you in months.”

“Well,” Ten smiles, “you know I don’t come for just anybody.” 

Jaehyun  _ thinks  _ there’s some double meaning behind those words, but he really _ really  _ wants to pretend like it doesn’t register. 

“Oh, Taeyong’s a great guy,” Jaehyun continues, “I’m glad he’s able to have an omega friend. It can be pretty overbearing for him sometimes. Especially Yuta and Doyoung.” Once the words leave Jaehyun’s mouth, he feels like he’s said too much. 

“What about you?” Ten moves closer. Jaehyun doesn’t like where this is going. 

“He’s my best friend,” Jaehyun says.

“Don’t tell me you guys haven’t ever fucked before.” 

“The opportunity never came up.” 

Ten rolls his eyes, but a snort comes out. “So then,” he says, a little more forward, “you’re on the market then?”

There it  _ is,  _ Jaehyun thinks.  _ Whoop. There it fucking is.  _ “Um…” he mumbles out, unsure of what to say without offending Ten. How does one articulate  _ I’m sorry I’m not interested in being your alpha because I’m kind of in the middle of looking for my own  _ without sounding like a total fucking ass?

“He’s not interested,” someone piped up, and Jaehyun thinks, _ yes, thank god, better for someone else to say it then he— _

Except no. He looks up and finds out it was Doyoung who spoke up. Doyoung, the absolute fucking asshole who’s been apparently just waiting for an opportunity to slander Jaehyun in front of another omega. To kick him down even more, then.  _ Fuck.  _

“Oh really?” Ten humors Doyoung. 

“Yeah,” Doyoung laughs, “you know the other night he made out with a fucking—”

“Beta,” Jungwoo interjects, venom in his tone. “Jaehyun and I are together, Ten.” He offers him a smile, “Ignore Doyoung, he’s just mad that the only company he’s had for the last three months has been his right hand.” 

“Hey, fuck you—”

The rest of Doyoung’s spiel is interrupted by everyone else’s raucous laughter, no one louder than Yuta. Ten’s laughter is a mild pitch, like a nice bubblegum pop. Jaehyun has the errant thought that the smoky curl of a deep chuckle sounded much better to his ears, before he shuts that shit part of his brain down. 

“Damn,” Ten says, “the good ones are always taken.” Doyoung scoffs, his earlier tirade already forgotten. 

“They sure are,” Jungwoo says, curling up into Jaehyun’s side. He breathes an audible sigh of relief.  _ Thank you,  _ he mouths to Jungwoo. 

Jungwoo’s answering smile is enough. 

 

Later that night, when everyone else is asleep, Jaehyun tosses and turns on his bed, brain and mind plagued with thoughts of what he wants versus what he  _ should  _ want. He  _ should  _ want an omega. He  _ should  _ be more aggressive. He  _ should  _ be less demure.  _ Less _ domestic.  _ Less  _ soft. 

He should stop allowing Jungwoo to tell him what to do. Stop allowing Yuta to poke fun at him. 

Stop allowing Doyoung to continue to walk all over him. 

He should do a lot of things, really.

But what Jaehyun wants is—

_ Complicated.  _

He wants security. Love. Someone to hold him tightly. Never let him go. He wants the warm embrace of a body next to him, pulling him under the covers, rubbing their scent all over his neck. He wants to be pampered. Be taken care of…

He wants to be  _ allowed  _ to let go. 

Damn biology, he  _ wants  _ Johnny. Craves him. Hasn’t been able to stop thinking of the kiss since it happened. The way Johnny’s lips felt against his. The slide of his tongue. The press of his big hands against Jaehyun’s hip and lower back. 

How it felt to be consumed from the inside out by nothing more than someone’s  _ smell _ .

Jaehyun wonders if that’s how omegas feel when they’re in heat, when they’re attracted to someone—if their senses and their mind become overwhelmed with the satisfying taste of  _ belonging _ . If that’s what it feels like for them when someone that cares about them past their body is on top of them… someone who they put the absolute most trust in. Someone who they know will grab their hand, walk through fire—

And never let them go.

Jaehyun shudders against his bed sheets, body twisted under the covers. He lets the cool air hit his skin, even though he feels like he’s boiling at a thousand degrees beneath the surface. He  _ wants, wants, wants.  _ His mind is engulfed in the fantasy of Johnny over him, Johnny under him, but Johnny—

Always  _ inside  _ him.

It makes him feel  _ sick  _ to his fucking stomach, to be an alpha with such desires. To  _ want  _ to be held. Want to be pushed down, want to be possessed by someone else. To give them the reigns of his body. He wants to trust someone so completely to love him unconditionally… these are Jaehyun’s weakest moments, and he turns on his bed, facing the window in his room, where a sliver of moonlight makes it way through the blinds. He wipes the pathetic collection of tears near his eyes, ones he won’t even admit to Jungwoo that he’s shed. His alpha inside is  _ antsy _ , enraged, and on edge—

But also so fucking sad. 

His instincts are screaming at him that he shouldn’t want this. That he’s an abomination—he shouldn’t desire this. And yet… 

and yet. 

That does not stop the flood of arousal that pools in his gut, that fills up his cock when he thinks of Johnny’s face, remembers Johnny’s scent, looks into Johnny’s eyes. 

It’s all terrifying. All terrible… and when Jaehyun shuts his eyes that night, finally falling asleep to nothing besides pure mental exhaustion, Johnny’s face is the last one he sees.

***

Jaehyun gets so caught up in the routine of work, home, sleep, cry, and repeat that it dawns on him horribly on a Monday that Halloween would be in two days. 

“Oh fuck,” he says to himself in his office, right at the same time Mark walks in with a stack of files. “I mean—oh crap.”

“Mr. Jung, I’m not 12,” Mark giggles, like a twelve year old. 

“Don’t let Taeil hear you say that,” Jaehyun laughs, “he might pop a blood vessel.”

“He’s an old man,” Mark winks.

“I’m gonna pretend  _ I  _ didn’t hear you say that.”

Mark laughs with Jaehyun and then places the stacks of folders on his desk. “Mr. Moon wants me to remind you that your presence is required at the company Halloween party on Wednesday night. And that he’s giving everyone half day on Thursday.”

“Ugh,” Jaehyun says, “Please, I just remembered like five minutes before you walked in that Halloween was this week.”

“You have to wear a costume.”

“I’ll go as Jim. From  _ The Office _ .”

“Excuse my language, Mr. Jung, but that’s the absolute shittiest Halloween costume idea that has ever been suggested to me. And Renjun suggested we do a matching  _ Alien  _ costume,” Mark shakes his head, “the kicker is that he wants me to dress up as Sigourney Weaver’s character.”

“And he’s the alien, isn’t he?”

“He always is…” Mark’s voice trails off. “Anyway, don’t kill the messenger, but see you Wednesday night. You can bring your friends… don’t forget it’s an open bar.”

“Yah! You’re underage!”

“I am 22 years old,” Mark rolls his eyes, and covers his mouth with a hand, “Bye-bye Mr. Jung!” He slams the door shut behind him. 

_ Great _ .

“Halloween party at my work on Wednesday,” Jaehyun says later on that night over a much more amicable dinner than the last three ones. The  _ incident that shall not be named  _ has finally had enough time between then and now that Jaehyun’s friends have come to somewhat of a stalemate in pretending it did—or didn’t—happen. Doyoung still gives him funny glances every now and then, Yuta will sometimes giggle in his direction, Taeyong and Jungwoo will sometimes trade sly glances as if Jaehyun doesn’t know what  _ that  _ means, but other than that, all has been good on the  _ I’m is still a damn alpha you assholes  _ front.   

“Love the late notice,” Doyoung says, rolling his eyes. Playfully this time. Jaehyun doesn’t even want to question it.

“Been kinda busy,” Jaehyun mutters and Doyoung’s reply seems to sound like  _ we know exactly what you’ve been busy with  _ but Jaehyun pretends he hears absolutely nothing. For the sake of his sanity.

“I have the perfect outfit,” Taeyong’s face brightens, “I’m going to go as a cat.”

“Oh, sexy,” Yuta says, and winks, awfully. Taeyong’s face turns slightly sour, and he looks across the table at Jaehyun like he’s the camera on an episode of  _ The Office _ .

“Anyway,” Taeyong continues, full steam, “I have the cat ears, the stockings, lace, everything.”

“Great,” Jaehyun says, then, “wait—I’m only telling you guys about the party now. When did you have time to get a costume?”

“Uh,” Taeyong says, face now beet red, “um—it’s uh…”

“He owns all the parts for the cat costume already,” Jungwoo butts in smugly, “you already know.” He smirks.

“Of course,” Jaehyun says, “Why’d I even ask…” he lets his voice trail off.

“But anyway,” he says, rearranging the leftover carrots from the stirfry on his plate, “Wednesday night at the SM Hotel Resort. Wear your best costume or whatever,” Jaehyun eats a bite of the carrots and grimaces around them. “Also,” he adds, “free booze.”

“I’m there,” comes a chorus from his friends.

“Oh yes, go for the free booze, not for me.”

“You know us so well,” Yuta adds as Jungwoo’s laughter rings out across the dinner table.

***

 It’s like Jaehyun blinked and suddenly it’s already Wednesday night, and he’s currently trying to push himself through the throng of people currently buddying up to the open bar. Jaehyun forces his way between two clowns—literally speaking, they’re dressed like extra’s from  _ It  _ and not even in good costumes—before he plants both forearms on the bar to try and assert dominance. While he waits for the bartender to get to his side, Jaehyun takes a look around the ballroom again, and has to admit that the company really out did themselves this time around in the decorations department. There’s fake cobwebs and blood stains adorning the wall, the dance floor has some strobe lights pulsating to the beat of the music, and the orange and black halloween streamers falling from every corner of the ceiling tie the whole setting together, more or less. Jaehyun eyes the 7-foot tall Jack Skellington statue standing towards the opposite side of the small bar, and watches as groups of more drunk than not coworkers alternate taking pictures with it. He smirks to himself.

“What’ll it be?”

The bartender’s voice takes Jaehyun out of his condescending  _ Nightmare Before Christmas  _ daydream. He smiles to the guy, before motioning for two shots of tequila. The bartender looks at him a little funny, before walking off. “It’s just  _ tequila, _ ” Jaehyun mutters to himself, “and I  _ hate  _ beer.” The bartender comes back with Jaehyun’s drinks and Jaehyun nods at him before making his way to the table he and his friends snagged towards the back of the huge room. “Go get drinks,” Jaehyun says, in lieu of a greeting, “before the line gets even longer.”

“Tequila, Jaehyun, really?” Yuta says.

“I like to have a good time.”

“Oh, we know,” Doyoung butts in, smile all teeth. He’s dressed like a vampire for tonight’s party, hair slicked back tightly in gel and cape a flowing mess behind him. Doyoung’s got these vampire teeth in his mouth and fake blood painted down either corner of his lips. Jaehyun thinks he looks more comical than terrifying.

“Taeyong, they have that dessert you like on the table already,” Jaehyun says, ignoring Doyoung’s jive.

“Banana cream?”

“Yes,” Jaehyun says, settling into his chair. He places the shots near his plate before bringing the food a bit closer.

“Great, I’ll be back,” Taeyong leaves his half finished food on the table, to go and scour the dessert section.

“Jack,” Jungwoo breathes from his left, “I mean Jaehyun,” Yuta snorts and Doyoung laughs. Jaehyun rolls his eyes. It was in fact Jungwoo’s idea to go as a costume duo, but the fact that he chose Rose and Jack from  _ Titanic  _ escapes Jaehyun’s mind entirely. He’s just glad enough that he had the right set of clothes in his closet to more or less pull this look off. Where Jungwoo managed to get a red and white corduroy dress and a full length brown wig in the span of two days remains to be seen. Jaehyun thinks he is most definitely better off not knowing. 

“Rose, oh, Rose,” Jaehyun says, pressing one of the shots into Jungwoo’s hand. Jungwoo grabs some lemons off his plate and gets some salt from the little dish. Jaehyun follows suit. They clink their glasses together once before Jungwoo grabs Jaehyun’s arm and says, full theatre mode on, “Jack, don’t  _ let  _ go,” and they down their shots together.

Jaehyun smacks his lips against the bitter taste of tequila, but nevertheless, he lets the warmth of the liquid wash through his system. He and Jungwoo joke around with  _ Titanic  _ phrases for a bit more before Jaehyun dives into his plate of food, scarfing down the bulgogi like there’s no tomorrow. Every now and then he’ll ease into whatever convoluted conversation Yuta and Doyoung have going on, but for the most part, Jaehyun is content to just lay low and remain in the background for tonight’s little celebration. Jungwoo squeezes the inner meat of Jaehyun’s thigh every now and then and he revels in the comfort that small gesture brings, while waves of imaginary alpha hands roam through his mind. Jaehyun nods along to Jungwoo when he speaks up, but even he seems content tonight to just let the atmosphere of the funky Halloween party speak enough for him.

It isn’t until Jaehyun’s scraping the bottom of his bowl of rice when Taeyong returns, and a beautiful, enchanting, almost…  _ mythical  _ smell fills Jaehyun’s nose. It is only after he takes a deep breath that he recognizes that scent, and his mind freezes while his mouth still chews on, motor functions only working by sheer muscle memory.

“Hey Johnny,” Doyoung says, and the world stops.

Jaehyun swallows his rice carefully and he feels his chest tighten. He hasn’t looked behind him yet. He wants too. He can’t. He wishes he could. He  _ won’t _ .

“Sorry I took so long guys,” Taeyong says, pulling a chair out near Yuta and plopping back down in it, “my foods probably cold, but Johnny was entertaining me for a while.” Taeyong laughs while a vicious streak of hot blooded jealousy fires through Jaehyun’s body. He looks over at Doyoung and Yuta and sees the same reaction mimicked in their faces as well. Jaehyun internally, snorts over the  _ irony. _

“Oh, saucy baby,” Jungwoo says around his fork.

Taeyong rolls his eyes, “Not like that, shit head.” Taeyong pats the chair next to him on his other side for Johnny to sit down in.

“Hey guys,” he says, once he’s close enough to the table, “It’s been a while.”

“Sure has,” Doyoung notes, eyes blinking.

“Did you finish up the selections in payroll?” Johnny asks.

“Honestly,” Yuta shrugs, “no. I’m being hounded day in and day out by people who are still owed retroactive pay. I haven’t even thought about the new selections yet.”

“Fair enough,” Johnny agrees, placing his small plate of dessert on the table, he turns towards Jaehyun’s direction and gives him a warm smile. “Hello, Jaehyun,” he says.

“Uh huh,” is Jaehyun’s extremely smart reply. He thinks he might hear Doyoung scoffing in the background, but his brain is one track minded with the way Johnny’s looking at him right now. 

“How’ve you been?”

“Working,” Jaehyun squeaks out, before clearing his throat. He closes his eyes, trying to focus, to regain all his lost equilibrium. “Just working, you know how crazy it can be.”

“You like Tim Burton’s films right?”

Jaehyun feels taken aback by the question, but nevertheless answers, “Yeah I do, actually,” he chuckles, “why do you ask?”

“I saw you earlier at the bar, looking at the Jack Skellington statue. It caught my eye too,” Johnny smiles. 

“I love that movie so much,” Jaehyun gushes, fully forgetting about the people he’s around. “ _ Nightmare Before Christmas  _ is a masterpiece. The animation is one thing, but the storyline is another.” Jaehyun feels his face heat up with enthusiasm, embarrassed for his excitement. 

“I love that movie too, don’t worry,” Johnny murmurs, angling himself closer to Jaehyun. “Jack doesn’t realize what he’s doing is wrong, trying to rebrand Christmas without knowing the consequences of what it does to the native town.”

“The way it presents cultural appropriation in such a cookie cutter formula—but also the woes of imperialism and making a profit off of a people you don’t understand…” Jaehyun let’s his voice trail off. 

“The real nightmare is capitalism,” Johnny says. 

“I’ve never heard anyone say a truer statement to my face before.” 

They break out into laughter, much to the eye rolls of Jaehyun’s friends. He doesn’t really give a shit. “I’m gonna go get a drink,” Jaehyun announces to the table at large. “You want anything?” He asks Jungwoo. 

Jungwoo squeezes his thigh, gives him a knowing look. “Taeyong and I are gonna dance,” he flips his hair over his shoulder and fixes the front of his dress. 

“Oh boy,” Jaehyun says, he directs his attention to Johnny. “Care to follow me?” 

“My pleasure,” Johnny says, as they exit the table, leaving two annoyed alphas behind. 

***

_ One shot. Two shots. Red shot. Blue shot.  _

Jaehyun’s mind spins with alcohol, blue curaçao filling his nose as Johnny presses another drink into his hand. They’re laughing, bones shaking, eyes twinkling, over something Jaehyun can’t remember, but it’s enough to make his abdomen hurt from the pressure. 

“He’s such a  _ fucking” _ —Johnny wheezes—“such a  _ hardass, _ ” and this sends them into another rolling fit of laughter. 

“I cant believe Yuta really tried,” Jaehyun can't even finish his words, the laughter bubbling out of his mouth as his drink sloshes in his cup. He and Johnny are sitting outside the ballroom on the balcony, the cool night breeze a refreshing feel against his alcohol warm skin. The moonlight is bright and unassuming, and the vast view of the cars and trees passing by on the road seem like miles away from Jaehyun. 

“He hit on the manager’s son…  _ so  _ boldly,” Johnny giggles, actually fucking giggles, and it drives Jaehyun just a little bit more insane. “He didn’t come out of his cubicle, office, whatever you wanna call it, for  _ weeks. _ ”

Jaehyun laughs again, this time loud and full, feeling freer around Johnny than he’s felt around his own friends bar Jungwoo and Taeyong for weeks. He clutches his side as he finishes up his drink. “Yuta can be such a tool,” Jaehyun intones, shaking his head. “But he comes around eventually. He’s a good person.”

Johnny laughs again once more before nodding, “Oh, I agree, he’s a hardass, but he’s a nice hardass.”

Jaehyun snorts at the description but nevertheless smiles. 

“The same can’t be said for Doyoung, though, I suppose.” 

Jaehyun makes eye contact with Johnny for the first time in a while, and he feels his breath leave his body. A long moment of silence passes between them, and Jaehyun suddenly feels more sober now than he did earlier.

“I didn’t mean to overstep,” Johnny quickly adds in, trying to recover, “I’m—”

Jaehyun waves him off and Johnny falls silent, “You didn’t overstep,” he sighs and looks away from Johnny, over the balcony, “Doyoung is… complicated, I guess.”

Jaehyun looks back at Johnny, “He’s a good friend… hes an asshole. It’s how it is. It shouldn’t be, but we’ve come to accept Doyoung for his faults. He’s crass, and he says things he shouldn’t. But I try to love him anyway.”

“That’s a lot of responsibility to place on yourself,” Johnny says carefully.

Jaehyun scratches his head, “God, I don’t even know if I should be saying any of this,” he bites his finger nail to occupy himself, “in college… Doyoung used to get heckled a lot. And I mean.  _ A lot _ . For his size, his face. Whatever, you name it. Everyone always thought he was an omega.”

Johnny nods and Jaehyun keeps going, “I guess it’s… given him a complex more or less? We try to keep our conversations steered clear of classification politics because the last time Doyoung gave his opinion it ended with Taeyong not speaking to him for  _ weeks _ … I couldn’t even blame him.”

Jaehyun runs a hand through his hair, trying hold his emotions in place, he feels frazzled, feels a little out of control,  _ hormonal, _ even,  _ like an omega,  _ a part of his brain supplies, and he tries to tamp it down and keep it shut. “Doyoung is very much of the opinion of the biological imperative… that, ugh,” Jaehyun sighs, trying to get the words out.

“That omegas have one duty and that is to breed,” Johnny finishes his sentence.

“When you say it like that, it sounds…  _ awful _ .”

“It is,” Johnny says, voice unreadable. 

“He would… get beat up a lot in college for being a…  _ feminine  _ alpha. Doyoung has a lot of issues… I don’t know if he’ll ever want to resolve them. But he’s always backed me up.”

“Only when you’re a typical alpha, though, isn’t that right?”

Jaehyun’s silence is answer enough.

“I know guys like Doyoung,” Johnny says, after a long beat, “it takes a lot for them to change their minds on these things. And Doyoung has even more reason to hold that imperative to his chest.”

“He has to come around, right?” Jaehyun pleads, suddenly, eyes affixed to Johnny’s face. 

“In due time?” Johnny questions, “But I can’t give you an answer. I only know guys  _ like  _ him. Not him.”

“He’s a good person,” Jaehyun mumbles, “he just… says… things. Hurts my feelings sometimes… but I’m an  _ alpha _ .”

Johnny chuckles at Jaehyun’s assertion. “‘An alpha’”, he repeats, “but what does that even mean?” He takes a long sip from his bottle of beer. Jaehyun watches the way Johnny’s hands fit around the neck of the bottle.

“Doyoung has looked at you differently—acted around you differently since we kissed,” Johnny says, statement. Not a question. Tone matter-of-fact.

Jaehyun avoids Johnny’s gaze.

“Is it an alpha’s duty to treat their friends like shit?”

“How do you even know this?” Jaehyun mutters, eyes feeling heavy.

“Yuta and I are much closer than we let people think,” Johnny smirks, “and I ask him how you’re doing. Every single day.”

“Why?” Jaehyun asks, before he can stop himself.

“I consider you a friend,” Johnny shrugs, nonchalantly. Like it’s the easiest thing to admit in the world. Like the word ‘friend’ doesn’t send a spear of rage through Jaehyun’s heart, when he craves to be more.  _ More, more, more. _

“It is an alpha’s duty to protect and defend, not to dismantle. Not to hate,” Johnny says it with practiced ease, like he has repeated this a million times before.

“Not every alpha seems to be like you, Johnny,” Jaehyun says, trying to lighten the mood. His chest constricts, he feels like he’s going to cry. 

“Nor you,” Johnny adds, with a smile on his face.

He touches Jaehyun’s hand, the warm pressing fireworks into his skin. Beer bottle half empty on the ground beneath their bench. 

“T-that’s sweet,” Jaehyun replies.

“So are you,” Johnny giggles.

He pushes forward, softly, both of Jaehyun’s hands in his grasp. The touch is strong, but light. Jaehyun could break out of his hold if he wanted too. Jaehyun could push Johnny away if he wanted too.

Jaehyun doesn’t want too.

“You have really beautiful brown eyes,” Johnny says.

“They’re actually hazel,” Jaehyun corrects. Johnny snorts.

“Still beautiful,” he repeats.

Jaehyun’s heart hammers in his chest. His throat feels like closing up. He should hate this, right? He should feel disgusted. Humiliated. He should fight Johnny, right here, on the hotel balcony. Call him names, get a rise out of him. Push him around and tell him that Jaehyun can’t do this. He can’t. 

He’s an  _ alpha. _

It’s against his nature, his fucking imperative, his instincts rearing up inside his gut, telling him to growl, telling him to push, telling him to fight back.

But he does none of those things.

He looks into Johnny’s eyes, and sees a forest. Beautiful green trees taller than the sky, the sunlight streaming through the canopy creating flecks on the ground beneath his feet.

Jaehyun sits inside that forest—for a second, for a day, for an eternity.

He opens his eyes and meets Johnny’s gaze directly. He feels so  _ warm _ . 

Jaehyun surges forward and presses his lips against Johnny’s. The alcohol he drank feels so far away from him now. The only buzz coming from the taste of pinewood on Johnny’s lips, from the smell of freshly mowed grass filling his senses, the strong scent of pine needles in the middle of November.

Jaehyun opens his mouth and lets Johnny in. He pushes back against Johnny’s tongue and feels a hand wrap softly around the back of his neck, urging him forward. Jaehyun pushes closer, gripping Johnny’s shirt back. They find themselves, knees touching, on the balcony bench. Jaehyun pushes against Johnny again, more insistent this time, trying to take the lead on the kiss. Johnny answers back by gripping Jaehyun’s neck just a little bit more, fingers twisting in the hairs at the nape of Jaehyun’s neck. Jaehyun gasps into Johnny’s mouth, and Johnny uses that opportunity to press his tongue against the back of Jaehyun’s teeth. He pulls Jaehyun’s bottom lip back, biting it softly. Jaehyun  _ whimpers _ . 

“You like that?” Johnny breathes, voice wrecked. Jaehyun nods, eyes closed tightly. 

“I do,” Jaehyun pleads, “I like it so much,” he cringes at his own voice.

“Shush, baby,” Johnny says, soothing, “I would never do anything to hurt you.”

Jaehyun nods again.

“I want to take care of my precious baby boy,” Johnny says.

_ Baby boy. Baby boy. Baby boy.  _

Jaehyun’s mind repeats. And it’s like that nickname sends a bucket of ice cold water over him. He— 

No. 

No. He can’t be Johnny’s baby. He can’t.

He’s a fucking alpha, right? He’s supposed to have a  _ baby _ . To have a fucking omega bitch to take care of, like Doyoung says, like Doyoung always fucking says. He can’t submit to another alpha. He can’t degrade himself like this.

“No,” Jaehyun says, and feels himself push away from Johnny so quickly. “I’m not your baby, I’m not your baby, I’m not your baby b—,” he repeats like a mantra. “I can’t—no, no no,” Jaehyun’s voice cracks. He looks at Johnny who’s sitting at the other end of the bench, looking thoroughly confused.

_ Baby boy. Baby boy. Baby boy.  _

Jaehyun’s heart aches, his stomach twists. He feels like he’s going to throw up, right here, all over himself, in front of another alpha.

“I can’t, I can’t,” Jaehyun says, eyes wet. He looks at Johnny’s figure, sitting stock still on the chair.

“I have to go,” Jaehyun says, and all but runs away from Johnny. He re-enters the ballroom and it’s like he’s been awoken from a trance. He doesn’t want to see his friends. He doesn’t want to see anybody. He wants to go home, curl up in his bed, and remember what it means to be an alpha. And above all, he can’t let anyone see him. He can only imagine what his hair looks like, his face. 

If Doyoung found out… 

Jaehyun shudders at the thought. He decides to head home without telling his friends, better off to text them when he’s home then while he’s still here. 

He does not think about Johnny as he leaves the venue, but the lifesize statue of Jack Skellington catches his eye on his way out. “ _ Oh somewhere deep inside of these bones _ ,” Jaehyun starts to sing to himself,  “ _ An emptiness began to grow, _ ” his heart pounds hard in his chest, “ _ There's something out there far from my home _ ,” Jaehyun gets on the train and sits down in one of the open seats,  “ _ A longing that I've never known. _ ”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time fades in front of Jaehyun’s eyes slowly and then all at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PLEASE READ~**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I want to start this off by saying: **thank you** so much for everyone who has patiently waited for this update. 
> 
> it has been a stressful 4 months, and I admit at several points I wanted to chuck this fic altogether. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for waiting for me, and my baby. I cannot stress this enough. 
> 
> THANK YOU! ❤️
> 
>  
> 
> **WARNINGS!!!!**
> 
>  
> 
> **please keep in mind that the previous chapter's warnings still stand. Just be careful as you read this, especially towards the end of the fic.**
> 
>  
> 
> And lastly, this is once again, at it's core, a big, HUGE, love letter to 'Growl For Me', and her author, MitchMatchedSocks. I just want to extend my deepest and sincerest thanks to you, Mitch, for your comment on the first chapter and for allowing me to essentially post what is a ~remix~ of your fic. I genuinely cannot express enough gratitude. Thanks for letting me play in the sandbox.
> 
> On that same note, for those of you here who have read 'Growl For Me', you might catch on to some little Easter egg references I threw in there for fun because, hell--why not? And if you haven't read it yet, what are you waiting for?! It _is_ an EXO fic, but you don't need any knowledge of EXO to enjoy the amazing dynamic the fic crafts.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for your comments, your kudos, your recs. All of it was motivation to finish this monolith, which is now the longest thing I have ever written. 
> 
> I love you all, so much! Thank you for being on this journey with me. 
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy~

Time fades in front of Jaehyun’s eyes slowly and then all at once. He throws himself tirelessly into his routine. Jaehyun comes to work and _actually_ works and then goes home, and the cycle just repeats itself in a continuous never-ending loop. Jaehyun feels like he’s been walking through molasses, like there’s some kind of bubble wrapped around him, threatening to burst, like his skin is pulled so tight against the seams. He chuckles to himself, unkindly, when he thinks that he feels like Bella Swan. _Does that make Johnny into Edward or Jacob?_ He thinks to himself, and finds these rather deranged three a.m. thoughts to somehow be the most pertinent thing in his life right now. This isn’t _New Moon,_ of course, but Jaehyun can’t think of anything else that better describes the terrible hole he finds himself in. _Johnny’s like neither of them anyway,_ is his usual conclusion, frustrated and alone as he tosses and turns on his bed on a near nightly occurrence. He’s empty, is the reason, and longing for something he shouldn’t miss. Most nights he can’t sleep, if at all, and on the nights that he does manage to catch some peace and quiet they are spent with his brain imagining Johnny’s face in every expression possible, hands on Jaehyun’s cheek, hands on Jaehyun’s thighs, hands caressing, hands loving.

Johnny’s face is the one that Jaehyun dreams most about, and thinks most about. Even though he doesn’t want to. But in his worst moments, that’s all he does. Think about Johnny’s hands, the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, the near sheer determination in his gaze during their last conversation. Jaehyun feels like a coward. He feels like he tucked tail and ran away. But the way the venom of his friend’s gazes claws back up his throat leaves him frozen to his spot, shaking in a cold sweat, and the fantasy of going back in time and staying with Johnny instead of running away disappears from his mind once again.

 He has kept his distance from every one of his friends, conversations becoming drier and drier the more Jaehyun lets himself focus on what happened at the Halloween party. He especially avoids Yuta, being Johnny’s friend and all, and it leaves a bitter taste in Jaehyun’s mouth to see Yuta give him solemn looks whenever their eyes happen to make contact. Jaehyun always looks away first, something he used to be ashamed about, but now—now he feels like an open book, like any of his friends will know the thoughts that run throughout his head if he looks at them for too damn long. So he just doesn’t look. And he prays that they never ask. The hours bleed into days and bleed into weeks. It’s almost like Jaehyun feels like a machine, waking up and going to work, coming home and pretending to go to sleep. He’s only kept updated on each day’s date by the calendar that sits on the wall across his desk that Mark so dutifully crosses out each work day at the end of business, or by the slew of reminder notifications his work computer chucks out with dates and times. Jaehyun wipes his face and sighs, when a reminder pops up on the screen that calmly reads “Thanksgiving.” Suddenly, it’s like the last month caught up to him all at once, and Jaehyun doesn’t even realize Thanksgiving is right around the corner until Mark points it out, reminding him of the upcoming office holiday schedule, while that nagging little notification on his computer screen refuses to go away.

“You okay?” Mark asks, looking more concerned than usual, and Jaehyun feels bad for letting the poor kid worry about him so much. He knows he hasn’t been on his A-game at work in awhile, not since before the party, not since before his whole world shifted six degrees on its axis. “I’m good,” he tells Mark, and offers him as genuine of a smile as he can muster. Mark doesn’t look like he believes it, not for a second, but he’s a smart enough kid that he bids Jaehyun a warm goodbye and closes the door softly behind him. 

Jaehyun gently lays his head down on his desk, even though he’d much rather slam his forehead against the keyboard. He has to go home and face his friends, and with the way that they keep casting him glances like he doesn’t know, leads him to believe that sooner or later someone is going to address the elephant in the room. He exhales sharply and packs up his belongings, shutting the light off in his office and closing the door quietly. Jaehyun runs a hand through his hair, focussing on the movement of his fingers. It’s not just that Jaehyun is mortified over what happened at Halloween last month, it’s that he’s also decided to dig deep, bury it, and hope to God it never returns. He left that party an absolute wreck, heart beating double time, brain buzzing so loud he swears he could hear the static coming from outside his head. His only resolve is to keep pushing forward, to keep being Jaehyun, the _alpha,_ because that’s what he should want, right? 

That’s what he has to want, right?

He hasn’t spoken to Johnny since that night, hasn’t uttered a single word or question in Yuta’s direction about his coworker. Sometimes, on top of those solemn glances that Jaehyun has caught Yuta throwing him over the last couple of weeks, Jaehyun will catch Yuta looking at him with a calculating tell to his gaze. And Jaehyun will remember what Johnny said about Yuta, _We’re much closer than we let people think,_ and it sends cold water down his spine. It’s almost like Yuta knows what happened, like he knows what Jaehyun refuses to voice, but the gaze is always gone quickly, and Jaehyun is fast enough to break eye contact with Yuta before his friend results to pushing buttons and asking questions that Jaehyun isn’t ready to answer. 

When Jaehyun gets home, he is greeted by silence, and the heaviness on his shoulders lifts immediately. He goes to his room quietly and shuts the door, hoping that no one else in the house will hear how loud his heart is beating.

***

Jaehyun wakes up groggy, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He feels exhausted even though he’s slept, feels weak even though he knows he’s eaten. He stares at the calendar on the wall of his room, and rolls over on his bed to face his nightstand. The clock reads 3:21AM in bright red font, and Jaehyun feels sleep escape him the longer he keeps himself locked away.

_You’re very demure,_ Jungwoo had once said, and it feels like a lifetime ago. Jaehyun remembers taking it in stride, but these days, he tastes nothing but bile in his throat. 

“Why’d you leave the party?” Jungwoo had asked that Halloween night, crawling into Jaehyun’s bed. Not even a minute later Jaehyun asked him to leave.

“But you never ask me to leave,” Jungwoo had said.

“I’m asking now,” Jaehyun replied, hand over his eyes. He tried to channel some semblance of alpha posturing into his tone, all while pleading internally, _Don’t let him see you cry, don’t let him see you cry_.

“Okay,” Jungwoo answered, and closed the door behind him.

Jaehyun can honestly say he felt like a very shitty friend. And every attempt he’s made to dodge all of them, especially Jungwoo, in the ensuing weeks has not made him any better.

The house has become more tense than usual in Jaehyun’s “absence” but maybe, a small part of Jaehyun thinks, it was always supposed to be this way. Maybe he had blinders on the whole time, maybe it was him who just _wasn’t getting it_ —wasn’t understanding what it meant to be an alpha. All of them are teetering on the edge of just barely getting along, all the posturing and pheromones leaking into the fucking walls at any given chance to get an upper hand on the other. For those first few days, Doyoung had tried to get a reaction out of Jaehyun, a rise, a yell, fucking anything, but Jaehyun had stayed silent, had not uttered a single word. And it wasn’t until they fought in the living room that Jaehyun had kicked his _“i’m avoiding my friends_ ” tactic in high gear.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Doyoung had yelled, after a week of Jaehyun skirting around everyone. No one else had dared to bring up Jaehyun’s sudden change in behavior. Leave it to Doyoung to barrel on forward like a steamroller.

“Nothing,” Jaehyun said. He had failed to get into his room before the rest could swarm him like bees, and he was left to face the music of being an absent friend.

“You know, it’s been a week since the party, and you’re ignoring all of us.” Doyoung crossed his arms.

“I’ve been busy,” Jaehyun said, not meeting Doyoung’s eyes. He glanced to the side and saw Yuta watching him closely, saw Taeyong and Jungwoo filled with faces etched deep in concern.

“Busy my ass,” Doyoung continued to steamroll, “Stop avoiding us. What the fuck happened at that party? You disappeared.”

“Why do you care?” Jaehyun had remembered himself snapping, “leave me alone.” He sighed, “It’s not like you give a shit about me anyway.”

It was tense, almost too quiet. A pin could drop and they could’ve all heard it.

“That’s not true,” Doyoung responded, pursing his lips, “we—I—care about you,” he murmured, in a very uncharacteristic display of emotion.  

“You have a fucking great way of showing it,” Jaehyun had spit out. 

“That’s not fair,” Doyoung had said.

“None of you fucking assholes play fair,” Jaehyun had bitten out. He did not miss the way Doyoung’s eyes turned into slits, calculating, assessing.

He said, “Did Johnny do something to you?”

And Jaehyun felt his gut clench, felt his entire world slip out from under his feet. 

“No,” Jaehyun answered, but the moment he looked up and met Doyoung’s eyes, he knew Doyoung did not believe him. Jaehyun made a beeline to his room right after that, ignoring the soft calls of Taeyong’s voice. He shut the door on his friends, again, and did not look back.

And after that, Jaehyun anticipated another argument, another brawl, something, anything from Doyoung—but instead Doyoung stopped. For once he backed off, containing that steamrolling engine of a personality back from Jaehyun. Doyoung will look at him sometimes and Jaehyun always braces for the insult—but it never comes.  Jaehyun still doesn’t know whether or not he should be happy about it. On one end, Doyoung must be operating on some level of superiority, he has to be thinking he’s better, he _has_ to think he has the upper hand… and yet. 

And yet since Jaehyun yelled at him Doyoung has not uttered a single angry grunt in his direction. If anything, Jaehyun sometimes thinks the look Doyoung gives him is _pity._ Pity for being a defective alpha, Jaehyun is so sure, pity for being a waste of his biology. Jaehyun sighs and tosses on his bed again, brought back to the present and out of his burning memories. He runs a hand over his face, willing the lines of stress to fade away. He loves his friends, they’re his family, but every time he looks at Doyoung, at Yuta, at Taeyong or even Jungwoo, he can’t help the way the pit of his stomach falls like a bottomless chasm, the way his gut clenches in fear, absolute fear, that any of them, at any given time, might come into his room and confront him about his behavior. 

Because that’s what Jaehyun has done all for all these weeks, he’s been playing the avoiding game with everyone since the party, leaving for work at times when the sun isn’t even up yet, and coming home before everyone else so he can lock himself in his room for the rest of the night. During those first few days, Jaehyun didn’t talk to anybody. He didn’t let anybody know what transpired—God forbid, nor did he allow anyone the space to ask him what was wrong. At first, they all played it off as Jaehyun being in a mood, stressed out from work, but the longer he talked to nobody, the more it seemed like everyone wanted to talk to him. And Jaehyun feels bad, he feels terrible for closing the door on his friends… but anytime he thinks about relinquishing even a bit of his tenuous self control, he thinks about how pliant he was under Johnny’s hands, how quickly it was for Johnny to get under his skin. So easily.

Jaehyun wakes up disoriented, rubbing at his eyes. He must’ve fallen asleep sometime between his multiple nightly breakdowns. He stretches on his bed and looks over at his bedside clock. _7:10AM_ blinks back at him, mockingly. _Barely four hours of sleep_ , he thinks to himself, unwilling to get up and start the day. He watches the sun blearily filter through the blinds. He should get up and make some breakfast, but then the thought of being domestic sends bile down his throat. He stays in bed, pulls the covers up over his face. He grabs his phone off the nightstand and calls his boss, Taeil, tells him that he’s sick and he won’t be able to come in today. Jaehyun has never used a sick day from work in his _life._ The thought that he’s using one now makes him feel rotten, but he knows if he showed up to work like this, Taeil would more than likely just send him home anyway. He doesn’t have much to do in the way of reports for today, and so he lets himself just lie back on his bed and bask in his bullshit. 

Eventually, the hunger wins out, and Jaehyun waits ‘til the clock ticks down to half past 8am before venturing outside his room. All of them will think he’s long gone for work by now, so Jaehyun might finally have the house to himself. He’s counting the paint drips on the ceiling and thinking about the logistics of installing a mirror above his bed—for practical reasons, of course—when he hears two gentle knocks on his bedroom door.

“Who the hell…” Jaehyun whispers, thinking that everyone should be gone. He pulls the covers up over his face, and says, “whoever you are, go away, please.”

He hears his bedroom door open anyway, and Jaehyun rolls his eyes. He doesn’t know what he expected, considering no one in the house has ever respected his boundaries in the first place.

“Jungwoo—” He says automatically, not imagining anyone else coming to pester him, but then stops himself when he throws the blanket off his face and sees Yuta standing in the doorway.

“Hey,” Yuta says, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

“Yeah,” is Jaehyun’s lame reply.

Yuta wrings his hands together, and Jaehyun can practically taste the anxiousness off of him.

“I wasn’t expecting… you,” Jaehyun says, and then cringes at how mean that sounds. Of all people to knock on his door, Yuta was one of the people he never quite expected.

“Yeah,” Yuta says, parotting Jaehyun, before he coughs. “Listen, uh,” he looks up at Jaehyun, “I’m not sure what happened last month,” he starts, and Jaehyun has the errant thought, _oh my god. It’s been a month. I’ve been hiding away for a month_ , but before his brain can continue focussing on that inner turmoil, Yuta’s voice pulls him back.

 “Man, I don’t even know if you want to… I don’t know? Talk about this?” Yuta sighs. Jaehyun watches him open his mouth like a fish, several times, watches the way his friend tries to work together and piece his thoughts one by one. “I just wanted you to know I hope you’re okay… and uh,” he looks towards the window, “if this is about… _him_ ,” Yuta continues, and Jaehyun’s gut clenches, “you can talk to me if you want, okay? I promise I won’t judge you. Not… not anymore.”

Jaehyun sits there on his bed in silence, bags under his eyes, skin pulled too taut, and balloon in his ribcage. He breathes once, deeply through his nose, and exhales through his mouth. He closes his eyes and feels his vision swim, holding tears back that threaten to spill out if he isn’t careful. 

“I don’t believe you,” Jaehyun blurts out, then covers his mouth shut.

Yuta’s face turns red in shame.

“I deserved that, yeah,” he says. 

“So what changed, then?” Jaehyun presses, “What could possibly have made you come to some type of fucking one-eighty in a month, huh?” his tone is sour and pained. Jaehyun can feel those tears threatening to spill over, the way his heart races fast and then faster.

Yuta takes a deep breath and exhales through his mouth. Jaehyun can barely look at him. “Honestly, Jae, the last month… it’s been hell without you.”

Jaehyun stays silent.

“I don’t know,” Yuta shrugs, “but I’ve noticed how much I’ve found myself… relying on you. Especially with your absence so prevalent,” Yuta chuckles, “hell. And it’s just… been a rough month.”

“So you only like me cause I’m useful, huh?”

“Ouch,” Yuta says, “but I deserved that, too.”

Jaehyun nods in response and Yuta moves in closer, points at the bed. Jaehyun sighs, but in the end, gives him the okay.

Yuta sits down on the corner of Jaehyun’s bed, and looks at him. “Honestly, I just never realized how much shit you do for us, okay? Like yeah, haha, we fuck around and called you domestic but like? Fuck? We actually need that? None of us can cook for shit,” Yuta groans, “I called you weird. I called you weird for knowing how to cook?”

“You did.”

“Do you know how… stupid that feels… looking back on it?”

“Can’t imagine it,” Jaehyun snorts.

“Weird… for knowing how to cook,” Yuta shakes his head, “whereas if I boil water I might burn the house down.”

“There’s nothing wrong with knowing how to make food,” Jaehyun says softly.

“You’re right,” Yuta nods, “I can’t eat fucking instant noodles or pizza again,” he says, his voice so dramatic, “I’ll fucking shoot myself.”

And the whine in Yuta’s voice is enough to settle the racing pace of Jaehyun’s heart. “Serves you right,” Jaehyun plays, feeling warmth seep in his chest. He takes a deep breath. Yuta, above all else, is still his best friend. Yuta, above all else, is still the guy who stayed up ‘til 3am every night with Jaehyun during midterm and exam week of his senior year, where Jaehyun had to cram study for exams with the stats professor from hell. Even Jungwoo tapped out after one too many bouts of probability schematics and only Yuta stuck around when Jaehyun had to do advanced regression. He shudders at the memory. 

Jaehyun looks up at Yuta, really looks into his eyes, and sighs. And as much as Jaehyun has so many mixed emotions floating around in his head… 

He still loves Yuta, problems and all.

“It does,” Yuta says, “I was a dick,” and scoots closer to the bed, “honestly, Jae. Honestly? I’m so fucking _sorry_. Like… I know this doesn’t begin to cover it… I know I’ll fuck up again probably. But, God. Without you at the helm of this house, the entire shit falls apart.”

Jaehyun feels warmth rush up into his cheeks and turns his face the other way. “It’s nothing,” he says, writing it off. _It’s nothing to write home about. I’m nothing too special. Anyone would do what I’m doing_.

“I’m starting to realize it’s everything,” Yuta says quietly.

And Jaehyun meets his gaze. Yuta’s eyes look sincere, face soft. Offers Jaehyun a small smile.

“I forgive you,” Jaehyun says, and watches the way Yuta’s shoulders sag. He feels a similar relief lifting off his own shoulders. Yuta grins at him, and in a rare show of affection, he leans in closer and pulls Jaehyun in for a hug. He wraps his arms around Yuta and pulls him close.

“The first one’s always free,” Yuta murmurs against Jaehyun’s neck.

“Oh, fuck off,” Jaehyun grins, and he feels better than he has in a week, in a while even. His heart feels lighter, his chest lest constricted. Yuta might not _get_ it all the way, but Jaehyun feels better off knowing someone’s trying to understand. He thinks about Doyoung. The same can’t be said for everyone.

Yuta lets go of their hug and leans back, pops a quick dab out to the immense eyeroll of Jaehyun. “I just… I know I said a lot of fucked up things… and in hindsight, I was doing… more harm than good. But I just want to understand,” he starts, “is this… is this just an alpha thing? Is this a… a _him_ thing? How does this,” Yuta makes vague hand gestures around the room, “work?”

Jaehyun pauses in his thoughts, he never let him think about it that deeply, think about what it might be like beyond the lust he feels. 

“Being honest,” Jaehyun starts, hiding his face, “I don’t think I ever let myself think about it that much,” he chuckles, but it’s a hollow sound, “it starts to feel too real.”

Yuta looks away, face apologetic.

“What… what brought this on?” Jaehyun asks, wringing his hands together in his lap.

“Besides like, genuinely missing you or whatever,” Yuta scratches the back of his head and looks away, and Jaehyun has a terrible feeling he knows what Yuta is going to say.

“I’m being, essentially, bullied at work,” Yuta snorts, “by… uh, by _him_ , you know…”

“He’s not,” Jaehyun pauses, “Voldemort… like, you can say his name, alright?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay.” Yuta gulps, “so… Johnny like… has been pushing me to… be a better friend. To you. He asks about you everyday. Has always, actually. I don’t know if you know that. I also don’t… know if you realize he and I are much… closer than I like to let people believe. That’s all on me mostly, and I’m starting to realize why I kept him at bro-distance for so long,” Yuta runs a hand through his hair. “It’s… have you ever been on the business end of his gaze? God, the fucking chill that ran up my spine when he looked me in the eye and told me to stop being a piece of shit.”

_Have you ever been on the business end of his gaze_? Jaehyun’s brain short circuits and focalizes down to this one point, down to the memory of Johnny’s eyes on him, down to the feel of his breath against his lips, his voice in his ear, his hands on Jaehyun’s voice, murmuring, uttering, baby b—

“Okay,” Yuta says, and pulls Jaehyun out of his thoughts, “I am going to take that as an irrefutable ‘yes’ that you know exactly what gaze I am referring too.”

“Um—” Jaehyun starts, then blinks, and realizes he’s giving off really strong—

“Oh my god,” he buries his face in his hands, “No, Yuta, don’t look at me, this is so embarrassing.”

“You smell like… like fuck I don’t know what, man… but the wave that just hit me,” Yuta scrunches up his nose, “it’s like you sprayed a bottle of Axe right up my nose.”

“Axe?!” Jaehyun says, uncovering his face, “fucking _Axe_?!”

“What did you want me to say?” Yuta looks petulant, “Daisy by Marc Jacobs?!”

“DAISY?” Jaehyun screeches, and then looks at Yuta’s face. Yuta looks back at him, eye to eye. It feels like a moment, like Jaehyun thinks he could bend it either way, and then he thinks about his fucking alpha pheromones smelling like fucking Axe body spray, and a guttural laugh escapes out of his mouth. All at once they both burst into pealing laughter.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, man,” Yuta snorts, between holding his stomach in from laughter, “It was the first smell I could think of.”

“God, I hate you so much right now,” Jaehyun chokes, clutching himself, “anything but Axe, for the love of God. I would rather accept Daisy then fucking Axe.”

“Noted,” Yuta says, wiping tears from his eyes. “Ugh,” He sighs, “but that’s basically what happened,” he shrugs, “Johnny just kind of… told me to fix my shit. It’s still a process… I’m learning a lot from him, but uh… yeah. He, I don’t know man. I guess he really cares for you. A lot. Like I said, he asks me about you,” Yuta scrunches his face.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing, I promise,” Yuta puts his hands up in front of himself, “just that you were busy with work.”

“Right.” Jaehyun agrees sadly, feeling himself deflate.

“When you and Doyoung fought I—”

“Don’t mention Doyoung, please,” Jaehyun says, before he can stop himself. He feels guilty for saying it but… this new lease on his friendship with Yuta feels tender. Feels breakable. And Jaehyun doesn’t want to ruin it.

Yuta looks like he wants to say something else, but instead, he concedes. “Okay,” he agrees, “I won’t mention him.”

“Thank you,” Jaehyun says, and feels relief flood him.

Yuta looks over at him, fidgeting, and Jaehyun realizes Yuta’s run out of things to say.

Jaehyun glances at the alarm near his bed, “I’m not working today,” he says, to make conversation, “and you still have time.”

Yuta shakes his head, “actually, I don’t have work today either,” he says, pulling back from Jaehyun.

“Really?” 

“I saw your car in the driveway and… I don’t know… guess I thought this was my only shot since, y’know…” _No one else is here,_ Jaehyun’s mind finishes Yuta’s thought for him.

“Makes sense,” Jaehyun says, shrugging, he throws his blanket off his body, gets up and stretches. “Well,” he grins, “Yuta, it’s your lucky day.”

“How so?” He looks at Jaehyun like he just grew two heads, apprehension clear on his face.

Jaehyun grins, his smile is _devilish_. “Are you hungry?” he asks.

Yuta outright _moans_.

“Oh, God,” he says, “say it again, ask me again.”

Jaehyun laughs, hearty. “Are you hungry?”

“Fuck yes,” Yuta’s voice is a whine—but Jaehyun would never say that to his face. “Fuck, _yes_ ,” he all but starts groveling. 

“Get off the damn ground,” Jaehyun rolls his eyes.

“I could kiss you, right now,” Yuta says, before his eyes bug out and he realizes what he just said. Jaehyun eyes him carefully, sees the frightened look in Yuta’s eyes, realizes his best friend is worried that he’s overstepped a boundary.

“Pfft,” Jaehyun snorts, “Like I’d ever give you the chance,” he grins.

Yuta’s shoulders sag in relief, and his accompanying laugh is loud in all the right places.

***

With Yuta in his corner now Jaehyun starts to feel his body decompress from all the pent up stress he didn’t realize he had been holding in. They spend the day doing the stupidest things, sharing a nice home cooked meal for breakfast before deciding to say fuck it and driving downtown to go to Costco.

“You know, I’ve never actually been in here,” Yuta says, eyes trailing around the high ceilings, and open floor space inside the store. There’s an entire section of Thanksgiving decorations smack in the middle, pumpkins and turkeys and fake cornucopias decorating the shelves. Jaehyun watches the look of fascination that crosses Yuta’s face, and a nice sort of comfort rises in his chest. They’ve all been so busy, so caught up in work things, even before the whole… _fight night_ happened, that Jaehyun cannot honestly remember the last time he hung out with his friends just for the hell of it.

“Man,” Jaehyun says, pulling Yuta away from the decorations and into the produce aisle, “I just kind of realized… when was the last time we all had fun?”

“Fun,” Yuta repeats, as he points at packages of meat before throwing it into the cart at Jaehyun’s nod. “Fun?”

“You know,” Jaehyun vaguely gestures, “when was the last time we all went out as a group for fun? Like just to go out? The Halloween party doesn’t count.”

“Huh,” Yuta says, and Jaehyun watches as he reaches a similar conclusion. “We’re all kind of old now.”

“Adulting sucks,” Jaehyun groans, before throwing more things in the cart. He and Yuta traverse the rest of Costco in easy camaraderie, slipping back into their friendship almost near seamlessly. They jest and joke as Jaehyun picks up more things for the house, all the while catching each other up on the month Jaehyun missed.

“Hey,” Yuta says, “are we going to do something for Thanksgiving? I know it’s totally last minute since it’s in a few days already but—”

“I’m sure we can come up with something,” Jaehyun intones, voice slightly shaky. He doesn’t want to face his friends and yet. He knows that sooner or later he’s going to have too. And if not at Thanksgiving, then, when?

“No pressure,” Yuta adds on quickly, “and I don’t want to rush you either.”

“No I,” Jaehyun starts and then swallows his tongue, “I have to talk to Jungwoo, Taeyong… and Doyoung eventually,” he tries to shrug, to keep himself noncommittal. “Like? What better holiday than the holiday for giving thanks!”

“I can feel the sarcasm rolling off in waves.”

“Good,” Jaehyun says, before placing a whole chicken into the cart. They make their way to the checkout line, and Yuta eyes the pizza and mocha chillers area until he hands Jaehyun a wad of cash and says, “groceries on me,” before slipping away to get his Costco pepperoni. 

Jaehyun laughs to himself. He guesses some things will never change. 

He gets through the line easily and meets up with Yuta at the front who’s holding—unsurprisingly—a large box of pizza. 

“Jesus, Yuta,” Jaehyun chides, and looks on in disgust as Yuta practically inhales the slice that’s almost as big as his face.

“Listen, Jae, it’s Costco pizza,” he says, before getting pepperoni all over his face. Jaehyun doesn’t even think of it, he just grabs a napkin and starts wiping the grease off of Yuta’s face while their cart of groceries is in front of him.

“You’re disgusting,” Jaehyun says, “pizza grease all over your face.” He cups Yuta’s cheek to better wipe the mess off his face, “you’re like a baby.”

“Shu—”

“What the fuck?” A different voice says, interrupting whatever retort Yuta had on his mouth. Yuta nearly flinches back out of Jaehyun’s grip. He ignores it.

“Excuse me,” Jaehyun says, shoving the napkin in his pocket and turning to face whoever decided to intrude on them. Jaehyun comes face to face with a very typical alpha: wide shoulders, thick neck, on the shorter side so he’s feeling the need to overcompensate. “Can I help you?”

“Why are you touching him like that?”

“His hands are full, obviously,” Jaehyun’s voice is tight, restrained. He looks back at Yuta whose face is red. Who can’t even look at him. Jaehyun sighs. This alpha is nothing.

“Are you some fucking omega? You’re fucking weird, bro,” the alpha says in disgust. Jaehyun’s never seen someone’s face contorted in such contempt, someone’s eyes knit together in such anger. “And you’re even more fucking weird letting him grab your face,” the alpha says, looking in Yuta’s direction. Jaehyun steps in front of his line of sight, blocking him _. So much for progress,_ Jaehyun thinks.

“I’m not your ‘bro’,” Jaehyun bites out, “And I’m not an omega. I’m just wiping his face.”

“Ugh,” The alpha says again, “you want me to show you what a real alpha is like?”

“It’s certainly not you,” Jaehyun fires back, bold. He can smell Yuta’s… _fear_ coming off him in waves. “Now get lost before I call security.” 

The alpha stares at Jaehyun one more time, eyes filled with hatred. Jaehyun wills himself not to cry.

And not to back down.

Soon enough, the alpha breaks eye contact first.

“Whatever, dude,” he chides, “you’re sick in the head.” He walks away without a backwards glance.

“Let’s go home,” Jaehyun says, to Yuta, and that seems to snap whatever trance his best friend finds himself in. Yuta offers a small nod and Jaehyun will take the acknowledgement for what it is. He tries not to let himself dwell on the fact that maybe, maybe, this tentative reunion with Yuta has been ruined all over again—before it could even begin. Jaehyun loads the groceries into the car in silence,  and tries to prevent himself from stealing glances at Yuta out of the corner of his eye. He doesn’t want to know what Yuta thinks. He wants to go home and hide in his room and never have to face anyone again. 

“I’ll drive?” Yuta says, and even though it feels like a demand, his voice lilts up at the end like a request. Jaehyun sighs. He can deal with this, he can figure it out. He hands Yuta the keys and gets into the passenger seat. They pull out of the parking lot easily and make their way back onto the road, driving together in silence. Jaehyun can feel the hesitation rippling off Yuta in waves, and is almost tempted to yell at him, to tell him to spit it out already, _tell me you hate me so I can go back into hiding, tell me you’re embarrassed to be seen with me in public because of what people will say_ — 

“God, Jaehyun,” Yuta says, when they’re ten minutes from the entrance to their suburb, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I froze up. I should’ve said something and I didn’t and I’m sorry.” 

That was—

“I wasn’t expecting that,” Jaehyun says, hollowly, and suddenly four weeks of pent up feelings and hiding and emotions and anguish flood his senses and overwhelm him cataclysmically. 

Jaehyun cries. 

“Fuck,” he says, hiding his face in his hands, furiously trying to wipe his tears away with the sleeve of his shirt, before pulling napkins out of the glovebox. 

“Um,” Yuta starts, and Jaehyun can see, through his tears, Yuta clenching and unclenching his hands against the steering wheel. 

“Just ignore me.”

“I’m trying to, I really am,” Yuta bites his lip, “is it wrong that… I don’t know. There’s something inside me that wants to hurt you, Jaehyun. Seeing you cry—seeing an alpha cry—it’s like I need to poke you. I need to hurt you? But I don’t want to.” Yuta grips the steering wheel tighter.

“This is pathetic,” Jaehyun sobs furiously, wiping his face with the napkins. “It’s the alpha instinct—“ 

“The need to assert dominance?” Yuta states out loud, “the need to be better than you?”

Jaehyun just nods.

“I’m embarrassed that you’re crying,” Yuta says, “I want to hurt your feelings,” he admits plainly.

Jaehyun feels his gut clench, braces for impact. 

“But I just… I’m telling myself you’re Jaehyun, my best friend. And you’re crying. And I don’t want you to cry, I want to protect you instead? I feel bad… it’s almost like I’m thinking of you as an omega.”

Jaehyun’s instincts rise up against that viciously. He wants to yell at Yuta, he wants to grab the steering wheel and tell him he’s a _real fucking alpha._ He wants to hurt Yuta, the way he’s been hurt for months. He wants to scream, to yell, to reassert dominance over himself and his own emotions. To show Yuta he isn’t weak. He isn’t soft. He isn’t _demure_. 

But what Jaehyun says instead is, “I don’t care,” at the same time Yuta pulls over onto the shoulder of the road outside their neighborhood. Yuta is expertly looking straight out the windshield. Jaehyun feels the fight instinct leave his body immediately. “Don’t fucking look at me cry,” he says, and Jaehyun buries his face in his hands, covering his puffy eyes. 

They sit in silence, as a few cars pass them by. Yuta reaches over the console and grabs Jaehyun’s hands, albeit a bit roughly, “you’re an alpha, okay? I’m not good at this… consoling shit. But. You’re an alpha just. Don’t forget that? I won’t look at you cry, if you want me to step outside I will? I’m sorry, Jaehyun. I froze up at Costco. I shouldn’t have let you handle that asshole by yourself. I was so confused. You were wiping my face. It’s what friends do?” Yuta wonders, before he says, “No, it’s what you do. I’m used to it, most of your idiosyncrasies. Used to it, but I wasn’t aware of it before,” he grips Jaehyun's hands tighter, “I was afraid. It’s hard to admit that, but I feel like if I don’t say this now I never will,” Yuta takes a deep breath through his nose, Jaehyun watches the way the air fills his lungs, “I was afraid of him,” Yuta continues, voice a touch shameful, “But you weren’t. You stood up to him. I didn’t.”

Yuta pauses for breath and Jaehyun sighs, feeling the panic lessen until it fades away, Yutas grip on his hands providing some small sense of comfort—a grounding force. 

“You’re stronger than you think,” Yuta says after a long silence, voice extremely soft, “much, much, stronger than you think.”

Jaehyun just sighs. Yuta lets go of his hands, but not without squeezing his fingers first.

“When did you become so smart?” Jaehyun jokes after a bit, trying to lighten up the mood.

“I have a really good teacher at work,” Yuta replies.

“Oh really?” Jaehyun says, and thinks about the fact that even though he ditched Johnny, Johnny is still here taking care of him. That even though he’s avoiding Johnny, he’s still here doing everything in his power to make Jaehyun comfortable, to get Jaehyun's friends to understand—in whatever way they can.

Jaehyun thinks again about this morning, when Yuta asked him if this was an alpha thing, or if it was just a Johnny thing. Jaehyun thinks about that alpha that berated him earlier, how his face was twisted into the most cruel expression. He then thinks of Johnny's smile, warm honey, dripping lazily, sticky in his memory. 

Jaehyun thinks he’d like Johnny very much, regardless of whatever he was. Friends like that, people like that don’t come around so often. He thinks of Johnny’s smile, and a chuckle rises out of his throat. 

“What’s funny?” Yuta asks carefully, observing to make sure Jaehyun hasn’t gone completely batshit insane. 

Jaehyun just shakes his head, small smile gracing his face.

“He likes taking care of people, doesn’t he?” Jaehyun asks, finally turning towards Yuta. He doesn’t have to mention a name for Yuta to know who he’s talking about. There’s a thoughtful expression on Yuta’s face, before he nods vehemently. 

“That sounds nice,” is all Jaehyun can muster in response. 

“God,” Yuta says, before he starts to pull back onto the road, “I can’t believe I’m saying this but. Jaehyun, we’re gonna get you your man.” 

Jaehyun snorts so loudly and so ugly that Yuta accidentally pops the horn of the car, scaring both of them in the process. He enters the code for their gated community and then drives in, turning a corner and pulling into their driveway. “You sounded like Jungwoo there,” he snorts.

“He misses you,” Yuta says without preamble, “and I know he’s missing you when he’s asking _me_ about you.”

“Ouch,” Jaehyun says.

“I deserve it,” Yuta repeats from earlier. 

“I’ll fix it.”

Yuta pats Jaehyun's leg, “I know you will.” 

*** 

Jaehyun decides he more or less is ready to face the rest of his friends again. He figures, well, it’s been a month of hiding away, better to throw himself back into the thick of it, better to rip the fucking bandaid off now instead of trying to ease himself, lest he lose his steam. Jaehyun figures tonight is a better night than any. The other day he spent with Yuta had been a great boost to his mind and spirit, and now he feels less like he’s walking on eggshells in the house and on more common, if still a bit shifty, ground. Jungwoo and Taeyong have been eyeing him a little wearily, noticing he’s been a bit more open to discussion or small talk with them than before, even if Jaehyun still spends most of his time in his room afterwards. The fact of the matter is, that after a month, he feels humiliated—and at a loss of what to say. And that’s what led Jaehyun here, to this night, making dinner like he used too, at a time that feels like eons ago, hoping to God to try and repair some of the mixed feelings he and his friends have endured over the last couple weeks.

Yuta has been more than supportive, which Jaehyun can’t help but be grateful for. It’s only been two days, but already having someone by his side has helped tremendously. Jaehyun pretends not to see the side eyes Jungwoo casts his direction when he catches him and Yuta conversing in hushed tones, and pretends not to see the hurt look in Jungwoo’s eyes.

Overall, getting back to himself is a process.

Jaehyun takes the lasagna out of the oven—he wanted to go Western style for tonight’s dinner—and puts in on top of the stove to cool down. He watches as the cheese continues to melt on top of it from the residual heat, the smell wafting all over the house. He waits for the rest of the garlic bread to finish out of the toaster oven, foot tapping against the floor, hand digging into the front of his apron pocket.

“Oh hello,” someone says from behind Jaehyun and he instantly jumps up nearly a foot in the air, surprised by the sudden presence.

“You scared me, Woo,” Jaehyun replies, scratching the back of his neck, and this time it’s his turn to feel sheepish.   

“He’s alive,” Jungwoo says, eyes set in a hard line, he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Well, see, about that, I’m—” The timer of the toaster oven buzzes through Jaehyun’s voice and stops him in his tracks. He moves to pull the garlic bread out and rests it on a ceramic plate to cool down.

“Lasagna?” Jungwoo says, and his eyes are huge, the once vibrant tangerine of his hair now a faded, more mellow orange.

“Yes,” Jaehyun grins. The way to a man’s heart is always through his stomach.

“Save your explanation for later,” Jungwoo’s eyes are the size of dinner plates, “you’re already forgiven.”

“That feels—”

Jungwoo waves him off, “If I have to eat another fucking anchovy and pineapple disaster from Mr. Pizza I will honestly kill Doyoung myself.” Jungwoo shakes his head. “This food is a god send.” He offers Jaehyun a small smile, this time looking him in the eyes, and Jaehyun feels warm inside, like everything between him and Jungwoo is gonna be okay. 

Jungwoo winks at Jaehyun, and the world feels right again. 

At the same time, the rest of his friends make their way through the front door. Jaehyun can hear shoes clattering, a cacophony of bags falling to the ground, and a chorus of _“wow something smells so good in here”_ before he sees them all wander into the kitchen like a pack of baby chickens.

“Go wash up,” Jaehyun says, no preamble, “and then dinner will be ready.”

“Oh, thank god, you’re back,” Taeyong sighs, and runs off to his room. Jaehyun looks up and meets Doyoung’s eyes, and gets a near imperceptible nod. It’s not much, but he’ll take it. From the corner of his eye, Jaehyun sees Yuta shoot him a set of finger guns before turning it into a dab, and that’s enough to get his spirits off the ground.

They’re going to be alright.

Messy, confused, and broken.

But definitely, alright.

***

“So,” Jaehyun says over the clinking silverware of dinner, “I was thinking we could have Thanksgiving on Thursday? I know it’s super last minute but just go ahead and invite whoever you want. We’ll have a Turkey.” 

“Damn,” Yuta says, pretending he doesn’t know what’s going on, “sounds like a great plan!”

“I agree,” Taeyong chimes in, “I’ll invite Ten.”

“Of course you will,” Doyoung rolls his eyes, and Jaehyun can practically see the forehead vein popping. “Another party with that menace…” he murmurs under his breath, which makes both Taeyong and Jungwoo laugh. 

“I’ll cook something too,” Jungwoo pipes up, and all four heads turn his direction. Jungwoo puts his hands up placatingly, “By cook I obviously mean buy… geez, guys…”

“No repeat of the Summer 2016 fiasco, thank you,” Jaehyun says, and he feels breezy. He helps himself to another piece of lasagna. 

“You weren’t the one that ended up with a half charred eyebrow,” Taeyong grumbles in Jaehyun’s direction.

“But I did clean the fucking mess up,” Jaehyun fires back.

“Touché.”

They all laugh and continue eating their food, the sound of chewing and forks hitting the ceramic plates like music to Jaehyun’s ears. He still feels like he needs to address the elephant in the room, the thing he knows his friends won’t ask—but also.

He feels content to just live in this little bubble, even only for a little longer. 

Jaehyun finishes his food up quickly and stares at his empty plate, dragging his fork across it. He lets the soft conversation of his friends wash over him, and takes a deep breath.

“I’ve been absent,” Jaehyun blurts out, and four heads look up and meet his gaze, “I wanted to say I’m sorry.” He makes eye contact with each of his friends, starting with Jungwoo, who gives him a soft smile, Taeyong a thumbs up, Yuta an artful dab, and Doyoung, who holds Jaehyun’s gaze longer than anyone else’s—and offers him a short nod. 

“It’s okay, Jae,” Taeyong says, “we’re just glad you’re out of your funk.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, voice slightly strained, “definitely out of my funk.” 

“You never answered my question,” Doyoung says, and Jaehyun turns to him.

“What question?”

“Did you forget?” 

“You haven’t asked me anything.”

“From before,” Doyoung murmurs, and Jaehyun can note the way he looks slightly uncomfortable, eyes shifty. “Did Johnny do something to you?”

Jaehyun feels the mental breaks in his head slam, and resists the urge to flinch back. “No,” he says, “like I said before… Johnny did… nothing to me.”

Doyoung studies his face, and Jaehyun feels under such intense hyper scrutiny. _But I wanted him too,_ Jaehyun thinks, _I really wanted him too._

He meets Doyoung’s eyes. Jaehyun refuses to look away. 

“I’m going to believe you,” Doyoung finally settles on.

“That’s all I ask for,” Jaehyun replies, still tense.

They hold each other’s gazes for a beat longer, before Jungwoo’s voice cuts through the tension and he says, “Well? Video games?”

A chorus of “yes” quickly follows suit. “Thank God,” Jaehyun mutters under his breath, and doesn’t miss the reassuring glance that Jungwoo throws him.

 

Later that night, Jaehyun lays on his bed, curled up around his big comforter. He feels himself in between awake and full sleep, body tossing and turning in an attempt to get comfortable. He hears his door press open quietly, and wonders if it might be Yuta, come to check on him. The dinner went better than either of them could have expected, and while Doyoung is still a bulldozer when it comes to his assertiveness, Jaehyun was honestly expecting much, much worse than what he got.

However, the moment the person in his room lifts the blanket up and snuggles up close to Jaehyun, he knows without a doubt who it is.

“Jungwoo,” Jaehyun says, breathing in his clean, melon scent. 

“I’ve missed you,” he replies, curling himself into Jaehyun’s warmth. Their bodies face each other.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been such a mess.”

“It’s okay.”

“I want to tell you what happened,” Jaehyun whispers.

“So do it,” Jungwoo replies, and Jaehyun tells him everything. From the conversation with Johnny, to the reveal about Doyoung, to the kiss, to the fear, the insurmountable fear, to the loneliness, the overworking himself, the way Yuta came to his room, the alpha at Costco—and Johnny.

He tells Jungwoo all about Johnny, and how Johnny is a stable force in a world that seems to be moving at lightning speed around him. How this doesn’t feel like a passing phase, like a fetish, like something that could be _one and done_ — 

But it feels like a precipice, the start of a commitment. How Jaehyun has dreams and Johnny is in all of them.  How Jaehyun has desires and Johnny is at the center of every single one. It should be easy, he thinks, to let himself fall. It should be easy, he thinks, to stop worrying. But then he thinks of his friends, thinks of Doyoung, the alpha at Costco, thinks of the many others who would have the same visceral disgust. The same tense expression. 

“It’s not easy,” Jaehyun continues, and Jungwoo wraps a hand around his face, “I really like him. But I don’t know what… any of this is to him.”

“Oh my sweet boy,” Jungwoo murmurs, and his hand trails into Jaehyun’s hair, lightly scratching his scalp. “It’ll be okay.”

“You think so?” Jaehyun moves closer to Jungwoo.

“I know so!” He laughs, and Jaehyun lets that music fill his ears. They hold each other close, in the silence, and Jaehyun thinks he might be able to fall asleep this way. Wrapped in Jungwoo’s soft embrace. 

A memory, that feels like it could be from eons ago, comes to his mind. _I wish it was you I was in love with,_ Jungwoo had said, face forlorn and eyes tired, like he was carrying the weight of love on his shoulders.  Jaehyun looks at his best friend’s sleeping face now, crushed against the pillow, and understands, what he meant then. 

“I wish it was you I was in love with too,” Jaehyun whispers quietly, the first acknowledgement of what has been building up, expressed outside the four walls of his mind. He runs his fingers through Jungwoo’s hair, _You make me feel like I’m easy to love,_ he thinks, and wonders how it would have been, had he and Jungwoo somehow managed to come together. Maybe in another life, Jaehyun supposes, cupping Jungwoo’s cheek. Because in this life, this present, this reality, Jaehyun only wants one thing.

He holds Jungwoo closer and lets himself fall asleep.

***

Jaehyun is rushing. It’s Thanksgiving, he woke up slightly late, and everything is just a tad bit more behind than he wanted it to be. Yuta went off with Jungwoo to go and “cook” whatever the hell they would find at Costco, Taeyong left an hour ago after he finished the decorations around the apartment to go and pick up Ten. Currently, Jaehyun is surrounded by a semi-disaster in the kitchen trying to clean it up while he stares the turkey down inside the oven in silence. He has no idea who else is coming—no idea who the hell they’d invite anyway—and he takes a deep, calming breath to prevent himself from screaming. 

“Are you okay?” Doyoung asks from nearly right behind him and Jaehyun shoots a foot up in the air.

“Don’t! Don’t surprise me!” Jaehyun says, watching as Doyoung takes a pumpkin shaped sugar cookie off the cooling rack.  

“Noted,” Doyoung says, smirking at Jaehyun. He knows, quite frankly, there is still so much left unsaid. He knows, quite frankly, that Doyoung has probably not entirely made his peace with it. Jaehyun knows and yet he stops himself from bubbling up towards a fight. He does not need anymore stress on Thanksgiving.

Doyoung takes the plates around the counter and shuffles them over to the sink, turns the water on and starts washing dishes without Jaehyun asking. He doesn’t want to question it, for fear it might break the spell, but Doyoung catches him looking anyway.

“Don’t stare at me,” Doyoung says, while he’s covered up to his elbows in soap bubbles. He wipes a bit of sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. 

Jaehyun smirks this time, “Noted,” he responds, and they stay in a calm state of silence, working to clean up the kitchen together, until they hear the front door click open.

“We’re back,” Jungwoo’s voice rings out, and just in time, as the timer on the oven for the turkey finally dings. Jaehyun watches as he and Yuta parade in with a bunch of different things, along with a sizeable tray of fruit.

“Fruit?” Jaehyun asks.

“We’re watching our figure,” Yuta says.

“Right,” Jaehyun shakes his head. He pulls the turkey out of the oven and sets it on top of the stove to cool down. He and Doyoung continue to clean up the kitchen while the other two start to prep the dining area. The table is still small, they’re still going to squish themselves all together on it, but a nice tablecloth never hurt anybody. Taeyong and Ten barge into the house not too long after, Ten walking in with his trademark smirk. Jaehyun hears Doyoung mumble under his breath form where he’s still up to his elbows in dish soap, but Jaehyun at least keeps the snort to himself. No need to poke a sleeping bear right now.

“Hey there,” Ten says to Jaehyun, as he starts to reorganize the food on top of the kitchen island. There isn’t much space to begin with, but Jaehyun refuses to let their Thanksgiving spread look ugly. 

“Hey Ten,” Jaehyun says politely. He doesn’t miss the way Ten’s eyes once again take up and down his body. Jaehyun is viscerally reminded that Ten is still under the impression that he and Jungwoo are dating, and Jaehyun has absolutely no desire to change that. He still hasn’t yet figured out how to tell an interested omega he’s looking for an alpha of his own, and doesn’t even want to try. After exchanging a few more pleasantries, and watching as Yuta says, “fuck it,” while setting up their extra folding table so they have more eating room, Ten walks off out of the kitchen area and joins the chaos in the dining room. 

Jaehyun doesn’t miss the way Doyoung looks at Ten, somewhere between disgust and what could be admiration—but Jaehyun would never ask Doyoung that. 

Soon enough, the kitchen is marginally better and Jaehyun’s got all the food laid out nicely on their little island. He wipes his hands on his pants, and gives himself a soft pat on the back. The house smells so good, his friends—for the most part are all here—and everything feels _right_ for once. This is going to be a beautiful Thanksgiving, a nice get together, and absolutely no one here in attendance is going to ruin it for Jaehyun. 

The doorbell rings once and nearly all of them do a double take. Jaehyun can see Taeyong counting the heads present, scratching his scalp. “No one is missing?” He says, but it hangs like a question. 

“Oh,” Yuta perks up from where’s just finished putting a new table cloth on the extra table, “that’s my guest!” He walks over to the door, eyes catching Jaehyun’s. Yuta winks once, and Jaehyun knows who’s at the door long before Yuta swings it open, long before he hears that voice register in his head. 

“Hey, guys,” Johnny says, and the ground opens up beneath Jaehyun, “sorry I’m late.” Johnny’s standing in the _kind-of-an-entryway-but-not-really_ part of their house, while everyone in the living room eyes him back inquisitively. From where Jaehyun is standing, still behind the kitchen island, he has a nice view of the image Johnny imposes in the room.

“You’re right on time,” Taeyong says, after a short beat, looking between everyone. He offers Johnny a warm smile, ever the host, and never the type to let someone flounder on their own.

“Yeah,” Jungwoo agrees, twin smile plastered on his face as he shoots daggers towards Yuta, who is vehemently not looking in his direction. 

“I brought cookies?” Johnny says, tupperware in his hands. He’s wearing a nice soft grey knitted scarf, wrapped tightly around his neck. His coat is probably the long brown one, hanging at the door. Jaehyun thinks he’s never looked more handsome. Jaehyun also thinks he’d like to borrow that scarf to choke Yuta to death.

“Chocolate chip?” Doyoung pipes up, and it might be one of the first times he’s ever directly spoken to Johnny himself.

“It’s the only one I know how to make,” Johnny replies, neutral.

“Come in and have a seat,” Doyoung offers, and Jaehyun tries to wrap his head around that, but takes it as a good enough excuse. Johnny still hasn’t looked at him yet. Jaehyun doesn’t know if he wants him too. Yuta takes the cookies out of Johnny’s hands and brings it closer to the kitchen, fitting it neatly towards the end of the island, where the other desserts sit. 

“Hey, Yuta?” Jaehyun says, “I almost forgot, can you help me with the oven?”

“Sure,” Yuta agrees easily, unaware that Jaehyun is two seconds away from beating him with a wooden spoon. Yuta crosses into the kitchen area proper and follows Jaehyun to the oven, their only cover between them and the guests the way the column near the island curves. 

Jaehyun punches Yuta in the gut. “Why is he here?!” He whisper shouts, anxious.

“Ow!” Yuta whines, “he’s my friend! It’s Thanksgiving!” 

Jaehyun sighs, he _did_ tell Yuta he could invite anyone. Clearly Jaehyun did not think this shit through. He rubs his temple. 

“A little warning would’ve been nice!” He whispers, “Why didn’t you tell me?!” 

“Because I knew you’d act like this! Knew you’d cancel!” 

“And? And?”

“I’m trying to get you your man, Jaehyun.”

“There are better ways of going about it,” Jaehyun’s voice cracks slightly, “letting me know would be the first way!” Jaehyun snorts.

“Okay,” Yuta says, scratching the back of his neck, “maybe I should’ve told you… but he’s here. He’s here and now you can _fix_ your shit?” 

“Maybe letting you know was the worst mistake,” Jaehyun whispers, but there’s no heat behind it, “It’s not that simple!” 

“I think it is!” 

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“N—oh, hello, Johnny,” Jaehyun says, the corner of his eye catching movement. And the strongest alpha scent flooding his nose. His back straightens up out of habit. Jaehyun curses himself.

“Hope you’ve been well,” Johnny offers a neural smile, and Jaehyun wants to cry. How can he still be so nice to him? How can he still smile at him? Jaehyun left him. Johnny has every right to be upset. 

And yet, here he is, offering Jaehyun a smile he doesn’t deserve. 

“Everything okay guys? I just came to check on you cause Taeyong and Jungwoo are complaining about starving.”

“Ungrateful brats,” Jaehyun mutters, “they didn’t even cook any of the food.” 

Yuta laughs at that. “We’re good Johnny. Just coming out. Let’s go, Jae.” They all nod at each other and start back it back to the table. Jaehyun hopes this shit goes off without a hitch. He nods at Yuta and Johnny. “Let me just change my clothes first,” he says, looking down at his loose shirt and soft pants he wore to cook. He makes a beeline for his bedroom and puts on a nice T-shirt, along with a better pair of slacks. Jaehyun goes into the bathroom, washes his face, pats it dry, and hopes to God he can center himself enough to be okay for the dinner. It’s just a few hours, he reasons, nothing bad is gonna happen in a few hours. It’s just Johnny, _right_? How bad can one Thanksgiving dinner be?

When Jaehyun gets back to the dining area, he sees everyone waiting for him, and the only open chair left being directly across from Yuta and to the right of Johnny. _Of course,_ Jaehyun thinks, _I am unable to ever catch a break._

Jaehyun smiles at everyone and takes his seat next to Johnny, the warmth coming from his left side a burn against his skin. “Thanks for coming everyone,” Jaehyun says, acting as the pseudo host, “lets have an enjoyable Thanksgiving dinner and time together.” Everyone nods and cheers, and soon enough they start digging into their food. The sounds of growling stomachs soon becomes replaced with the sounds of clinking cutlery, pouring wine, and chairs scraping against the floor as people go up to get more and more food. Jaehyun feels a sense of pride wash over him, knowing that a good majority of the major food dishes he cooked himself. His heart swells, thinking about all of his friends enjoying his food, and he revels in the energy they send out, absorbs their auras like a sponge. The wine keeps flowing, the laughter keeps sounding, and Johnny’s warmth against Jaehyun is a balm. 

They haven’t talked. Not quite. An exchange of the eye is hardly a conversation, but Jaehyun thinks he knows maybe what Johnny is trying to say. _I’m here for you. I support you. I’m sorry._ And Jaehyun wants to cry. Johnny has nothing to be sorry for. This is all on him. This is _all_ on him. The wine flows more, the food keeps disappearing, and Jungwoo and Taeyong can’t stop laughing, cheeks rosy. Lovingly tipsy, but not too inebriated that Jaehyun feels a need to take the bottle away. 

“What are you guys laughing about?” Ten asks from where he’s sitting across Taeyong, near Doyoung. Jungwoo guffaws, and that sets Taeyong into another fit of laughter. “It’s nothing really,” Taeyong says, calming down, “we were just thinking about the last time we were all together like this, more or less.” 

“Yeah, they had a huge fight.” Jungwoo says outright, pointing to Yuta and Doyoung. The two alphas look bashful, to say the least, and direct their attention back to their plates.

“Alpha fights are hot,” Ten says, and Jaehyun can detect the sugar in his voice, and when he looks up, he expects to see Ten looking at him, but instead finds Ten’s eyes focused on Johnny. Johnny doesn’t seem to notice him though, engrossed in his conversation with Yuta. 

“Have you ever fought, Jaehyun?” Ten asks.

“Not much of a fighter,” he replies, trying to focus on the food, and shake the awful sense of foreboding that is crawling up his spine.

“It wasn’t even the fight that was hot, though,” Jungwoo adds.

“Yeah,” Taeyong finishes, “its what happened during it or like… right after.” 

And oh no. _Oh no._ Alarms sound in Jaehyun’s head. He _knows_ where this is going. He knows where _drunk_ and _drunker’s_ minds are already floating towards. 

“Hey now,” Jaehyun says, trying to shift gears, “let’s just enjoy the food.”

“Well what was it?” Ten asks, and Jaehyun’s attempt to steer clear of this conversation falls on deaf ears. Now he can’t get his mouth to move, can’t get his tongue to unstick from the roof of his mouth, can’t get himself to speak up and try and change the subject again.

“Jaehyun and Johnny made out,” Taeyong replies, dreamily, and even the other innocuous conversations on the table slowly fade out. Jaehyun feels Yuta’s foot run up against his calf. At any other time, Jaehyun would’ve kicked him back, or worse, Yuta would _never_ have put himself in a situation where someone could ever accuse _him_ of playing footsie. Jaehyun looks at Yuta’s face, meets his gaze. The touch against his calf is a small comfort.

“It was nothing,” Jaehyun quickly tries to add on, trying to do damage control. “It got them to stop fighting.” _Please stop talking,_ Jaehyun wants to scream, _please stop talking_. 

“It was so hot,” Taeyong says, keeps doing, “two alphas…… tongue down each other’s throats,” Jaehyun hears more than sees Doyoung’s gagging noise, “hottest fucking thing in my life. Don’t you think so?”

“Yeah,” Jungwoo agrees, his brain also in lala land. “Seeing two alphas together… you don’t really get to experience that.”

They both turn to Ten. Jaehyun holds his breath. He looks up and sees Ten eyeing him. Not calculating, no smirk. Not wondrous, no laughter. But—

_Cruel._

“That’s disgusting,” Ten voices out, and all the sound in the room stops. Yuta drops his spoon against his plate, and Jaehyun hears him curse as it clatters to the floor. 

Taeyong sobers up nearly immediately. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Ten shrugs, nonchalant, but his eyes are cold, calculated. “You heard what I said,” he voices instead.

“What makes it so disgusting?” Taeyong bites out, staring Ten down, and _oh god_ , Jaehyun does not like where this is going. 

“We’re omegas,” Ten says, like that’s supposed to be a complete answer, “we have a purpose, and they,” he motions to all the alphas in the room, “have theirs.” 

“And what fucking purpose is that, Ten?” Taeyong’s voice is sharp, cutting. Ten is unaffected. 

He puts his hands up, “I’m not here to make you angry, Yongie,” Ten says, “but it is what it is. We’re omegas. We know our place. We have our _purpose_. And alphas have theirs. We’re supposed to carry children, we’re supposed to get bonded. It doesn’t have to be any more difficult than that.” He shrugs again.

Silence.

“You’re wrong,” Jungwoo voices out, “there is so much more to people than their secondary gender.”

Ten rolls his eyes, and the way he looks at Jungwoo is so cruel. “Isn’t Jaehyun dating you or something?” Ten scoffs, shrugging his shoulders. “A pity, really,” he pauses,” but I don’t think you have any say in this, do you?” Ten bites out, the alcohol he consumed erasing whatever brain to mouth filter he possessed. “You’re a beta after all.” 

“And what the _fuck_ does that mean?” Jungwoo says, jumping up and out of his chair. Jaehyun watches Doyoung’s arm make an aborted movement across the table towards Jungwoo, before he lets it fall on the table. The silverware clinks. 

“You know your role,” Ten says coolly, “which is nothing.” 

“Fuck you, Chittaphon,” Jungwoo says, words harsh, and Jaehyun can’t help but feel the urge to get out of his chair. He’s stopped by a strong grip against his thigh, and when he looks over towards Johnny, his eyes say, _don’t interfere. We can’t jump in._ Jaehyun sighs. Remembers the last time they broke up a fight. He doesn’t want to repeat it. 

“I don’t get you, Ten,” Taeyong says, “you acted so wild in college, so brash, so out there, you always seemed the fucking type to understand. There is more to being an omega than a fucking breeding machine. I thought _you_ of all people would know that.” 

“People change,” Ten says, voice sharp. “It’s been years since we were dumbass omegas in college.”

“I am not just a fucking receptacle for alpha seed,” Taeyong throws back, hands balling into fists on top of the table. “And I don’t understand how any of this has anything to do with thinking two alphas kissing is gross.”

“We have our ROLES!” Ten shouts in an outburst, voice pitched. He gets out of his chair, and stands behind it. “We have our societal roles. We are here for our purpose. And they have theirs. Why go against that? Why push back against what we were born as? Anything outside the norm is unnatural. That’s our biology.” 

No one says anything, Ten and Taeyong’s chests still heaving. Jaehyun catches Yuta’s eyes. Johnny’s hand still presses firmly into Jaehyun’s thigh, keeping him in place. Jungwoo looks like he’s about to cry, eyes shiny, and Doyoung is wearing the most passive, neutral expression that Jaehyun has ever seen. 

“I think we’ve heard enough about biology,” Yuta pipes up, much to everyone’s surprise. “People can like… who they like. You don’t have to be… okay with it? But it’s not your right to judge others. Better to just keep your mouth quiet I think.” 

“You think or you know?” Ten shoots back. Yuta eyes him curiously. 

“I think _and_ I know,” Yuta says, like the smartass he is, “if you have nothing nice to say… better just keep your mouth shut.”

“He’s right,” Doyoung pipes up, and Jaehyun and Yuta have all of two seconds look surprised at Doyoung agreeing before he says, “Ten, I mean. Ten is right.” 

“Not this fucking bullshit again, Doyoung.” 

“We have our roles,” he repeats, “our place. It’s better we stick to it.” Jaehyun flinches at Doyoung’s tone, “It’s unnatural to want something out of the norm. It goes against our nature.” He doesn’t miss the way Doyoung’s gaze hones in on him.

“You’re wrong,” Yuta says, and Jaehyun can hear the strain in his voice, “you’re wrong, Dons.” 

“Omegas want alphas with a spine,” Ten says, shrugging again, and Taeyong can’t look his friend in the eye. 

“Omegas want alphas who give a shit about them.” Taeyong cuts in.

“Not all of us are as lucky as you,” Ten spits. And suddenly, he _gets_ it. It seems Jungwoo reaches the same conclusion too.

“So this is about jealousy, isn’t it?” Jungwoo says, and Ten ignores him. “I may be a ‘stupid fucking beta bitch’, but this beta bitch has more fucking self respect than whatever dark ass cave you crawled out of. I love being a beta. It’s who I am. But it’s not all I am. I’m more than this placement. You’re more than being an omega. If you don’t want to accept that? Fine. But don’t project your feelings of discontent with yourself onto the rest of us here.” 

“My time is limited,” Ten says, “being an omega is _limited_. If I want kids with a good husband, I need one now.” Ten sighs, “And they’re all taken,” he adds, an afterthought. 

Silence. Jaehyun’s heart beat triple time. He’s sure everyone in the room can hear it. Johnny’s big hand against his thigh is just as much comfort as it is a _burn._ Jaehyun can't flinch away. 

“Maybe I should leave,” Ten says, already collecting his coat, he doesn’t look Jaehyun in the eye, doesn’t spare him a second glance. “A good alpha… they’re hard to find.”

The door closing behind Ten reverberates in the quiet house.

“Well,” Doyoung says.

“Don’t… don’t push your luck,” Taeyong replies, already collecting the plates and starting to clean up.

“I’ll see myself out too, then,” he intones.

“Sounds like the best thing you’ve said in the last twenty minutes,” Jungwoo voices out, already helping Taeyong with clean up. Yuta gets up wordlessly and joins the fray.

Jaehyun watches Doyoung leave as well, and then the tension in his back melts. He almost falls face first against the table, but Johnny grabs him by the back of the neck and makes him sit up straight. “Hey,” he says, and it’s the first thing he’s said directly to Jaehyun all day. “You’re gonna be okay,” Johnny offers, and Jaehyun wants to sob. Johnny rubs his back soothingly, while everyone else flits around behind them.

Something falls to the floor and Johnny and Jaehyun look up. There’s a bunch of silverware on the floor beneath Taeyong. Jaehyun catches Taeyong’s frazzled hair and shiny eyes. He pushes himself up and takes Taeyong into his arms, while Johnny cleans up the mess. “I’m so sorry, Jae,” Taeyong says, and he buries his face in Jaehyun’s neck, “I didn’t know he was gonna say those things. I didn’t know he was gonna be that way.”

“No,” Jaehyun replies, “I’m sorry he hurt you,” he holds Taeyong tighter, “he’s your friend. And an omega. I can’t imagine how his words must’ve cut you.”

“I know,” Taeyong sniffs, “I know he was having problems… irregular heats and… and all those suppressants and shit we used to take back in college? Well he was way worse than me, y’know. Even when you found my stash,” Taeyong leans his head against Jaehyun’s chest as they stand close together in the dining room. He lifts his head up and looks at Jaehyun. “He was… so wild in college. You know back then you think none of that shit matters. You pop pills everyday to keep the heats away, and it’s never the legal shit.” Taeyong runs a hand through his hair. 

Jaehyun cups Taeyong’s face, just letting his friend speak. “Guess he took too many, over too long of a time. That’s why we’d been hanging out so much lately. He needed support. The drugs messed up his body. It’s… his heats…”

“You don’t have to explain his actions,” Jaehyun says, “It’s okay. I forgive him.”

“I just,” Taeyong sighs, “he’s been my friend for so long. He’s going through a rough time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jaehyun.”

“Don’t worry, okay? I forgive him,” Jaehyun says, and when the words leave his mouth again, he sighs internally. It’s true. He forgives Ten. What he said stung, but Jaehyun lets the words pass right through him. “I forgive him.”

“You’re too good,” Taeyong intones, face buried against Jaehyun’s chest again, “too damn good.” Jaehyun holds Taeyong a little bit tighter, eyes closed. He rubs his hand down Taeyong’s back once more.

“Hey,” a voice says from behind Jaehyun, and he looks in time to see Yuta, eyes motioning to the kitchen. The dining area is now cleaned up and the kitchen island is devoid of any traces of the feast. “Johnny’s in there.”

“I should—”

“Talk to him,” Yuta finishes. “Go.”

_Face the music, Jaehyun,_ he thinks. And gives one final pat to Taeyong’s back before walking into the lion’s den.

 

Jaehyun finds Johnny, leaning against the stove, eating chocolate chip cookies. He cuts an impressive figure, once again, his undercut now gone, and hair no longer a deep jetblack. It’s a softer brown, and what Jaehyun assumes must be Johnny’s natural hair color. He smiles when Jaehyun walks in. “Cookie?” He offers, and Jaehyun nods. Jaehyun also wants to cry. 

“So that,” Jaehyun says, around bites of a cookie, “was a complete and utter shitshow.” The gooey chocolate melts in his mouth. 

Johnny nods in agreement. “Are you okay?” 

Jaehyun shrugs. He doesn’t know if he’s ever gonna _be_ okay. His small little bubble has virtually started to collapse again, and Jaehyun doesn’t think he’ll be able to repair it this time around. Just when he thought things with Doyoung were improving, everything seems to take a turn for the worse yet again. He looks up at Johnny’s face, meets his gaze. “I don’t know,” Jaehyun answers honestly. “I don’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Johnny says, and Jaehyun thinks he sees Johnny make a movement to reach out, before stopping abruptly. Jaehyun feels like shit, thinking he must be the reason Johnny is so far away from him. “It’s okay not to know,” Johnny’s tone is reassuring.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun shrugs, there isn’t much else he can do. They eat the rest of their cookie in relative silence. Jaehyun feels awkwardness creep in, something he’s never felt around Johnny. Johnny keeps looking at him out of the corner of his eyes, like he’s trying to say something. Like he’s trying to gauge Jaehyun’s reaction to his words. He closes his eyes and turns his body entirely to face Jaehyun.

“I’m so sorry,” Johnny says abruptly, as if the words couldn’t be spoken any sooner. “I’m sorry if I rushed you into something you weren’t ready for.” He looks down at his bare feet. He grabs another cookie out of the tupperware, and it looks small in his hands. Johnny looks up and meets his gaze. “I hope… we’re okay?”

_It’s not you,_ Jaehyun wants to scream, _It was never you. It was always me_. But the words don’t form. “Don’t… don’t apologize,” he settles on, “It’s—I’m okay. I didn’t mean… to scare you that night.”

“I really thought I had done something wrong,” Johnny looks forlorn, and Jaehyun wants to cry. “I thought I may have taken advantage of you.”

“No!” Jaehyun says, voice a little louder than he intended, “I just…” his voice trails off. Johnny offers him another cookie and Jaehyun accepts it wordlessly.

“I was aware of what was going on,” Jaehyun starts, and he feels a lump in his throat, “I just froze up when it really sunk in.” Johnny nods. Jaehyun feels like shit.

“We can still be friends, right?” Johnny asks, voice small.

And ice fills Jaehyun’s veins. He wants more. He craves more. 

But. But. But.

“Of course,” Jaehyun answers, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “We can still be friends. I’m sorry that I made you feel you had to avoid us all… Yuta is your best friend, right? He shouldn’t have had to sacrifice the friendship on my behalf.”

“Don’t worry,” Johnny smiles, and it lights up his face. “Yuta’s had a lot of learning to do.” Johnny’s eyes look far away. “I’m proud of him—what he said tonight.” Jaehyun sighs in relief for the topic change Johnny’s affording him.

“I… I didn’t think he would. But he’s changed.” Jaehyun gulps.

“I can only hope he’s been a good friend.”

“Better than good.”

Johnny offers Jaehyun the last cookie. The chocolate sticks to his teeth as he takes a bite, chews it so he doesn’t have to speak. “We’re okay, Johnny,” he starts, “we’re okay,” he repeats. 

_I’m sorry,_ Jaehyun wants to say, _but this is all on me._ Instead, Jaehyun laughs, and pats Johnny’s arm, breathes in his alpha scent. Not right now, Jaehyun thinks, but maybe someday. 

Johnny smiles at him, and Jaehyun pretends that it reaches his eyes.

***

For the most part, things go back to normal for as much as they can for a group of three alphas, one beta, and one omega living together. Jaehyun hasn’t really seen so much as _felt_ Doyoung’s presence in the house, but at this rate, it’s to be expected. Doyoung doesn’t really talk to him that much anymore. Doesn’t so much as bat an eye or glance in Jaehyun’s direction. From what Yuta’s told him, Doyoung seems to be hanging out a lot more with Ten, much to Taeyong’s annoyance. Jaehyun shrugs most days, when Doyoung gives him the cold shoulder. Because it’s either shrug or continue to wallow in his pain. And as much as Jaehyun knows he’s confused, as much as he knows he’s hurt, he’ll be damned if he continues to let Doyoung’s bad attitude get to him. 

So Jaehyun goes about his days, ignores Doyoung all the same, and releases all the tension from his body. Jaehyun can’t even say he’s sorry for this new development. He doesn’t even have it in himself to feel bitter. It just. _Is what it is_. And Jaehyun has come to learn, that with most things, no matter how hard he wants to change it, he can’t fix everything. Or everyone. He’s grateful for his friends and for the people in his life, but Jaehyun realizes on some level, Doyoung might never be willing to change. And sooner, rather than later, Jaehyun realizes he has to accept that.

On the positive side, he and Yuta hang out and go grocery shopping, and Yuta will elbow him in the ribs just like he used too. There’s a different aura around them now, around their friendship. Jaehyun feels much more calm by Yuta’s side, even if that calmness is always almost nearly balanced out by how much he wants to kick Yuta’s ass for meddling. Taeyong and Jungwoo are just as much the same as usual, though Jungwoo’s had better days. Jaehyun knows it’s because of Doyoung, and he fears his best friend might be letting the crush get the worst of him. Jaehyun can understand that. Sometimes you really just can’t control your feelings. Sometimes…

 “It hurts,” Jaehyun says, as he spins his pasta in a bowl, fork scratching against the china. 

“I know,” Taeyong says, and he squeezes Jaehyun’s thumb. They’re out together, just the two of them this time around, having lunch at Jaehyun’s favorite Italian restaurant. Jungwoo was supposed to come, but the dark storm cloud can only be kept at bay for so long. He decided to stay in. “He’ll come around, you know?” 

“I just wish I could do something for Woo, he’s so sad these days…” Jaehyun’s voice trails off. He eats the last bite of his pasta.

“Me too,” Taeyong says, and his voice is also wistful. “I don’t know what to say to him… I just… I feel so _bad_.”

“What Ten said isn’t your fault,” Jaehyun reiterates, and even the words feel like a broken record to his ears. It’s been a few days since the awful Thanksgiving dinner, and while Jungwoo has always been so strong and so good about letting people’s words roll off his back, there really is only so much a person can take. “We’ll get him out of the house next time,” he says, “even if we have to do it kicking and screaming.”

“Jungwoo would like that,” Taeyong snorts. From there, the conversation continues much the same, Jaehyun asking about Taeyong and his work, and Taeyong delving into the finer points of office mismanagement. He gets into an impassioned tirade about his boss and his obsession with keeping tabs on everyone’s Xerox copy accounts, which gets Jaehyun laughing so hard he feels like the pasta sauce might come back up his nose. It’s been so long since he and Taeyong hung out, just the two of them, and Jaehyun finds himself pulling energy from the omega in ways he didn’t know were possible before. Jaehyun soaks in Taeyong’s passion, his words, his ambition, and his fierceness. Jaehyun allows that to settle on his skin, allows all of Taeyong’s personality to wash over him like a balm. It’s soothing in a way, to sit back and let Taeyong lead their late lunch. It’s humbling too, Jaehyun thinks, as he nods along to Taeyong’s opinions on his work place’s policy on omega harassment.

“I just think it’s completely full of shit,” Taeyong says, and there’s a fire in his eyes. “The amount of alphas I catch leering at me in the interdepartmental meetings is disgusting. And the workplace policy on harassment is two pages long. _Two,_ ” he says, fiercely, lifting up his fingers, “and none of it is meant to protect the omega being harassed.”

“What?” Jaehyun says, visibly worried, he didn’t realize Taeyong’s work was this bad.

“It’s like ‘go file a report with your immediate supervisor, follow the chain of command’ type of shit. But what if your supervisor is the one harassing you? What if your supervisor doesn’t believe you? If you step over the chain of command, you can get reprimanded for not following protocol.”

“That’s bullshit,” Jaehyun intones, and he feels his hackles rise, “that policy does nothing to protect those who actually need the protection.”

“I’ve been working on trying to change it for the last couple of months,” Taeyong says, “but it’s hard when you’re one of the only omegas working in a corporate office like the one Yuta and I are at.” Taeyong lets out a dry chuckle. “No one really takes an omega like me very seriously,” he continues, “To most of them, I’m just wacky. Too loud. Too fierce. Too many things they don’t want to deal with, in someone they see as subordinate to them by biology.” 

Jaehyun lets Taeyong’s words settle in his skin, and he feels… _something_ rise up inside him. A cloying, terrible, feeling. Claws against his skin, pinpricks in his eyes, like he’s standing on the cliffline of a realization that’s been right in front of him this entire time. Like he’s let the wool finally be pulled off from his eyes. Jaehyun has lived and breathed in his tight bubble of personal humiliation for _so_ long, has let himself exist in such a tightly enclosed space for _so_ long, he’s let himself forget about the reality that surrounds him… because all this time he’d been so. _So worried,_ about existing in the world as an _alpha-attracted-to-another-alpha_ when in reality… the fear has always been—

That he’s been so afraid of being seen as an _omega_.

“I’m so sorry, Yong,” Jaehyun says abruptly, and just as fiercely. “I—I’m so sorry. I know it… it doesn’t cover it but. I’m sorry.”

Taeyong eyes him curiously, like he can somehow read the internal breakdown Jaehyun is currently having across from him. Taeyong shrugs, “I’m strong,” he says.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun feels all choked up, “yeah you’re stronger than anyone I know,” he breathes out quietly. “To face… all of these things. Everyday. And not let it get to you. Not let anyone get to you. Or—or stop you from… from what you want…” Jaehyun’s voice trails off, and he feels like he’s about to puke. _I’ve been so blind,_ he thinks, _I’ve been so foolish_. 

“Jae, are you okay?” Taeyong’s voice sounds far away.

“Just,” he starts, “realizing a few things right now. Kind of… freaking out.”  

“Good things, I hope?” 

“Depends on your point of view,” Jaehyun says softly, and doesn’t say much else. They pay their bill shortly after, and Jaehyun hands the keys over to Taeyong wordlessly. His mind is a brick wall of emotions. He cannot drive right now. He is gonna end up braining them both on a telephone pole. Taeyong lets Jaehyun ruminate in his silence for the car ride and Jaehyun is happy for it. He’s always loved that about Taeyong, he never pushes, never prods. He just lets Jaehyun get there on his own. No matter how long it takes.

“What you said,” Jaehyun starts, and his hands are clammy, “it opened… something in me that I don’t think I was ready to face.”

Taeyong makes a noise of acknowledgement, and Jaehyun gulps.

“I’ve been so worried these last months, about. About _‘the Johnny thing_ .’ About the _‘being attracted to another alpha’_ thing. What you said… I guess it really brought my biggest fear to the forefront of my mind.”

“What’s that?” Taeyong asks softly, he reaches a hand over to Jaehyun and he grabs it tightly.

“What with Doyoung, Yuta in the beginning… these random alphas on the streets… it wasn’t ever about the attraction. It wasn’t ever about the lust. I guess… I guess it really was about being seen as… as a…”

“An omega,” Taeyong finishes for Jaehyun, but not unkindly. 

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun says, “I didn’t even know I had… felt that. Until you talked about being hated for being too loud, too fierce, too ambitious. Traits that, in any alpha would be glamorized, _praised_. And it made me realize what I’d been… holding in.”

“You’re working through a lot,” Taeyong continues, “don’t think for a second that your feelings are invalid. We are living in two different spheres of the world.”

“But—”

“No, just. Listen to me okay? For as much as I push back against the biological imperative, I know, at the bottom line, I am still going to be an omega. That doesn’t limit me. I don’t let that limit me. But I have to operate my life knowing that I will have an unfair disadvantage. Like, that’s just life. But I won’t ever shut up about the disadvantage, and I will do damned sure everything I can to make life easier for me, and for other omegas like me.” Taeyong turns off the main road and gets down onto their more residential neighborhood. Jaehyun sits back and keeps silent, waiting for Taeyong to continue. 

“You’re an alpha, Jaehyun,” Taeyong says, and his tone brokers no argument. “You are _not_ an omega. No matter what you do, no matter who you love, how you love them… you will always be an alpha. I don’t care what Doyoung, or Ten says. They’re both full of shit,” Taeyong gets to the gate of their community and keys the passcode in. Jaehyun is still tightly holding onto Taeyong’s hand. “Nothing you do can take that away from you. You’re just different. You’re soft, you’re kind, you’re passive… but that doesn’t make you any less of the _alpha_ you are.”

“I’m… demure,” Jaehyun says, and his throat feels scratchy. They’re now parked in front of the house, and Taeyong turns the car off. 

“You _are_ demure,” Taeyong continues, “but it has and it will _never_ be a bad thing.”

Jaehyun sighs and feels his voice shake in the silence of the car. Tears well up in his eyes, and he’s trying his best not to show it. His brain is running laps in his head, his emotions are frayed, and he’s on the verge of…

“It’s okay to cry, Jaehyun,” Taeyong says, “I’m an omega, remember? You can cry in front of me,” and his tone is light, joking. He squeezes Jaehyun’s thumb and just like that the dam breaks. Jaehyun cries again, a lot more this time, and he has an out of body experience remembering the last time he cried in front of one of his best friends. “This is so— _hic_ —embarrassing,” Jaehyun chokes out, and Taeyong pats his back softly. “God, don’t—don’t look at me.”

“You’re fine,” Taeyong whispers, “you’re gonna be okay.”   

Jaehyun’s sobs fill the car, and Taeyong offers him a soothing presence to lean on. Jaehyun feels exhausted, spent, and totally out of his element. But Taeyong’s hand has never left his hand, and Taeyong’s soft voice cuts through the mental rubble Jaehyun can’t cipher through. He cries until he truly cannot anymore, and lets his erratic breathing calm down before he even attempts to get out of the vehicle. 

“You’re so strong, Taeyong,” Jaehyun whispers, voice scratchy. “I really appreciate you, and admire you. Everything you do, everything you are… I love you.” 

Taeyong blushes, “Shut up,” he says, waving Jaehyun off. He finally lets go of Jaehyun’s hand, and passes him a napkin instead. 

“No, I mean it,” Jaehyun repeats, “like… I always knew you were strong and everything but… you painting a picture of your reality to me, so plainly… it put something into perspective for me. Maybe something I wasn’t ready for but… thank you.” Jaehyun grabs Taeyong’s hand again, leans forward and kisses his cheek. 

“Agh, Jae, stop,” Taeyong whines, pushing him away, and immediately the tense atmosphere melts away. Jaehyun sighs in relief. He still has so much to go through. But it feels like a weight has been summarily lifted off his chest. He feels _good_ , happy. He gives Taeyong one more smile before they exit the car, and make their way inside.

***

They get indoors to be greeted by the raucous laughter of Yuta as he plays PUBG, accompanied by Jungwoo’s boisterous shouts. Jaehyun is happy that Jungwoo’s having fun, but he’s even more happy when he walks further into the house and sees—-

“Johnny,” Jaehyun says, while he’s currently engrossed in watching Yuta and Jungwoo duke it out on screen. He’s got his feet tucked up under him on the couch, while he sips on a coke and eats some M&Ms. Jaehyun thinks Johnny has never looked more handsome then when he’s comfortable, just like this, and in Jaehyun’s house no less. 

“Hey,” Johnny says, waving, a small smile on his face. Jaehyun feels his heart beat in triple time. Johnny really is the most beautiful man alive. Taeyong pushes past him calling him a slowpoke, which Jaehyun lets out an indignant squawk at. He jumps right into the foray, taking a seat next to Jungwoo and curling up against his side. Jungwoo opens up to him, and Jaehyun feels warm at the sight. He gets closer to the living room, having shucked off his shoes and his coat, before excusing himself to his room to change his clothes. Jaehyun goes for his comfy sweats and a thin white t-shirt, reminiscing about the last time he wore these pants—the first day he met Johnny—and how it feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago. Jaehyun makes his way back out into the living room, and eyes the open seat next to Johnny forlornly. He can do this, he can be brave. 

“Is this seat taken?” Jaehyun asks, in a mock whisper. 

“I think it has your name,” Johnny replies, moving his legs. And the smile he gives Jaehyun this time around is much bigger. 

Jaehyun settles down into the couch, comfy, his legs pressing against Johnny’s. He doesn’t say anything, but he feels content. He steals some of Johnny’s M&Ms as they watch the rest play video games, and while Jaehyun knows he still has so much more to work on, it’s gonna be okay. 

_Baby steps,_ he tells himself later that night in bed, after everyone has gone to sleep and all of the events of the day catch up to him. “Baby steps,” he says out loud, and for once, the strange fear looming over his future doesn’t seem too impossible to face down anymore. 

***

From there on, encountering Johnny at their house becomes an almost regular occurrence. Jaehyun is sure Yuta has something to do with it, with the way he likes to meddle, and the sly glances Yuta throws his way couldn’t be anymore obvious. Jaehyun rolls his eyes for the most part, but he can’t help but thank Yuta, in some way, for his meddling. Being around Johnny feels a lot less like a ticking time bomb and more like… something that could really resemble a friendship. And Jaehyun’s grateful for that too. It’s allowed him the space to figure out his own problems, even if one of the biggest ones is someone he has to see on a near daily basis. Johnny comes over and they all have dinner—sometimes Doyoung joins but it isn’t often—play video games, drink beer, or just shoot the shit for hours on end. It’s so normal that Jaehyun’s heartbeat has stopped going triple time around Johnny, but settled into a nice, steady, grounding pace. Jaehyun can remember when Yuta had asked him, if this whole thing was _an alpha thing_ or _a Johnny thing_ . And Jaehyun’s starting to get a better picture of himself now, is starting to realize it doesn’t have to be an _anyone thing_ , at least for now. That he can allow himself to bask in Johnny’s presence and soak up Johnny’s aura, proverbially free of charge, and come to understand Johnny more as a person then as Yuta’s _Alpha friend_. 

It’s a chilly Wednesday night, the December temperatures really starting to make their way down south. Jaehyun pulls his thin coat tighter across his body, and curses himself internally for not bringing a better jacket. He’s out at the department store right now, looking for gifts to get his friends for Christmas. Jaehyun knows for a fact that there won’t be enough time by next week for him to get gifts, and he’d rather get it out of the way early on in the month then make a mad dash at the finish line. 

He wanders around the mall aimlessly, flitting in and out of shops but not quite sure what to get each of his friends. After one too many failed Christmases in the past, most of them agreed to get useful things over ridiculously shiny gifts. _Damn, we’re getting old_ , Jaehyun thinks sadly to himself, while he decides what tie would look nice for Doyoung. He settles finally on getting him a set of navy blue ones with a matching tie clip. Shopping for Doyoung is the easiest since he’s a classic workaholic, and Jaehyun walks out of the men’s section in Macy’s feeling a lot better with his selections. He makes his way into a bunch more stores, and settles on getting some nice homemade natural shampoos for Jungwoo. Jaehyun finds himself lucky that they have a melon scent, and grabs a bunch of those with the matching soap. He chuckles to himself as he walks out of the store, thinking that Jungwoo will find the gift funny but also hilariously endearing. 

Taeyong is a little bit harder to shop for seeing as he buys himself most of the things he wants, but Jaehyun isn’t so easily swayed. Inside the Dillard’s he comes across a nice beautiful light blue cashmere scarf. It’s soft to the touch, and while Jaehyun knows they all agreed on practical gifts, he feels the scarf will be something Taeyong will really want. Plus, Jaehyun thinks to himself, you can never be too warm in the winter anyway. 

Jaehyun whistles a soft tune to himself, holding his purchases in hand as he thinks about what to get for Yuta. He knows he should get Yuta work shirts, more classy button downs he can wear in the office, but he’d also rather get Yuta something nice. Before Jaehyun can second guess himself, he looks up the upcoming soccer games on Google. When the results come up, Jaehyun cheers quietly to himself, seeing that Japan and Korea will be having a friendly game in February. It’s really far off, but Jaehyun books two tickets for the game, thinking he could go with Yuta, or Yuta could take someone else with him. Jaehyun’s never really been a huge soccer fan, but he vividly remembers how passionate Yuta was last year during the World Cup. He thinks the ticket to a soccer match will be the perfect gift. 

As Jaehyun finally makes his way out of the store, before he finds himself at risk of buying anything else, his eyes land on a nice set of cooking ware through a glass display case. It’s a set of four purple colored Pyrex containers, along with a muffin tin and a baking sheet. The box on the outside is of an American woman holding a tray of cookies, and suddenly Jaehyun finds himself walking into the home goods store within a second thought. 

“Can I help you, sir?” A young sales associate asks. She’s got her black hair pulled back in a ponytail and a cheerful smile on her face. Her name tag reads _Lina._

“I’d like to get that baking ware set,” Jaehyun says, “the one in the display.” 

“An excellent choice!” She says, leading Jaehyun to the back of the aisle where there’s a variety of colors. Jaehyun settles on the red one, thinking it’ll fit in line with the Christmassy theme of the season. Lina carries it to the front, waving Jaehyun off, before ringing up his purchase. 

“This makes a wonderful gift for moms,” she says. 

“Ah—ha,” Jaehyun says, kind of nervous, “it’s not for my mom.” 

“It’s good for partners, too,” Lina continues, not missing a beat. “I’m sure whoever they are, as long as they love baking, will love it.”

“He-he loves baking cookies,” Jaehyun blurts out before he can stop himself. “I really hope he likes the gift.”

“Merry Christmas, sir,” Lina nods to Jaehyun’s statement, passing back his card and handing over his bag. She offers him a warm smile. “Have a nice day!” 

“You too,” Jaehyun gives a jerky nod, before leaving briskly out the door. He clammed up, of course, and ended up almost word vomiting onto that poor sales person. Jesus, he thinks to himself. “Get a grip, Jung Jaehyun,” he mutters, unlocking his car and throwing his bags carefully in the backseat. He’ll wrap them up at another time, when he doesn’t have to deal with his friends seeing them. Jaehyun pulls out of the parking lot and makes his way home, hands clammy against the steering wheel. He just alluded to a stranger that Johnny was his _partner_. It makes him feel giddy inside, but also ashamed. He’s done nothing but push Johnny away, nothing but make it so that they just stay friends. And Jaehyun doesn’t even know if Johnny likes him that way. If he would ever give Jaehyun another chance… when Jaehyun didn’t even give him one in the first place. He sighs, frustrated at himself. 

By the time Jaehyun gets home, he just wants to relax in his room and turn in early. However, when he opens the door and walks into the house, he’s greeted none by none other than Yuta and Johnny in the living room hanging out on the couch drinking beers. 

“Hey Jae,” Yuta calls at the same time that Johnny offers Jaehyun a big smile. 

“Hi guys,” he replies, and even though he wants to sleep, he feels the tension melt out of him at the sight of Johnny. It’s like looking at the sun sometimes, and soaking in the rays. Jaehyun feels himself recharge in a way he didn’t know he needed. He makes his way to his room and discards his work clothes again, swiftly changing into something more comfortable.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asks, when Jaehyun gets back to the living room in a hoodie, the chill from outside still stuck to his skin. Yuta wordlessly passes him a beer and Jaehyun nods in thanks.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, “just had a long day of Christmas shopping.”

“Oooh,” Johnny intones, eyes crinkling, “what gifts did you get?” _I got you a baker’s set,_ Jaehyun almost blurts out, but is saved from saying anything by Yuta interrupting and asking about his present.

“I’m not telling you shit,” Jaehyun teases, “wait ‘til Christmas.”

“Bro,” Yuta collapses across the chair, dramatic. 

“Patience,” Jaehyun says.

Yuta rolls his eyes, “Fine!” He sips his beer petulantly. 

Johnny chuckles softly at the sight, and soon enough Jaehyun joins him too. The rest of the night passes softly, as the three of them talk about anything and everything, from work stress at Johnny and Yuta’s job, to Jaehyun sharing anecdotes about Mark. It’s simple and calming. Jaehyun finds himself glad, actually, that he didn’t just go to his room and sulk the rest of the night away. Between laughter and beer, he’s been able to calm himself down enough to genuinely enjoy his friend’s company.

“Where’s Jungwoo, by the way?” Jaehyun asks, waving Yuta off as he makes to hand him another bottle. Jaehyun doesn’t wanna drink too much tonight, he still wants to enjoy the rest of his evening. 

“He went out actually,” Yuta says, smile on his face, “with Taeyong and a couple other omegas from work but… he went out. That’s what matters.”

“Good news,” Jaehyun lets out a sigh of relief, “that’s really good news.”

He gets up and grabs some bottles of water from the fridge, passing one to Johnny and Yuta each when he comes back. “What about Doyoung?” Jaehyun asks, ripping the bandaid off.

“I think—well more like I assume he’s out with… well with whoever he hangs out with that isn’t us,” Yuta shrugs and Jaehyun can’t really blame him. Since Thanksgiving, even Doyoung’s been giving Yuta the cold shoulder most these days. It’s so funny to Jaehyun, in retrospect, how much Yuta has changed from the man he was just a couple months before. He seems a lot less tight around the eyes, a lot less guarded around all of them, Jaehyun especially. If anything good has come out of the last couple months, it’s the way that Jaehyun has been able to bond with Yuta and get closer to him in a way he didn’t think would ever be possible. _People really can change_ , Jaehyun thinks to himself, “but only if they want to,” he murmurs that last part softly.

“What was that?” Johnny asks, moving closer to Jaehyun so he can hear him.

Jaehyun smiles, “Nothing much,” he says, “just thinking about some things.”

“Good things, I hope,” Johnny says.

“Always,” he replies easily. Jaehyun looks up and sees Yuta giving them a funny look, and knows that Yuta is about to say something extremely embarrassing, but before he can, his phone cuts through the silence. 

“Ah shit, if this is Changmin I will literally blow a gasket, it’s almost ten in the evening,” Yuta mutters. He’s always had a high tolerance for alcohol, and Jaehyun thinks what with how much more talking they did than drinking, that Yuta’s probably mostly sober anyway. He answers the phone quickly, and Jaehyun thinks nothing of it until he sees the crazed look that flashes across Yuta’s face. Immediately, he knows something terrible has happened.

“Fuck, fuck,” Yuta says, and his voice is pinched and completely sober, “fuck, just. Just stay there okay? I’ll be on my way.”

“What happened?” Jaehyun says, worry in his tone.

“Jungwoo,” Yuta replies, getting up and grabbing his coat.

“Is everything okay?” Johnny chimes in, and for a moment Jaehyun almost forgot he was there.

“There was some… ugh. Dickhead at the bar they were at. More of those… hurtful things slung at Jungwoo. Especially considering he was there with all—”

“Omegas,” Jaehyun gulps, feeling sad again. “Let me follow you,” he says also getting up to get his coat. 

“No,” Yuta says, gently pushing him back. “Taeyong doesn’t know where Jungwoo is. After the guy ditched, Woo got lost in the crowd. They’ve been searching for him for almost an hour but… nothing yet. Taeyong said he drank a lot. He might be passed out somewhere, or he could be on his way home too.”

“Do you think that’s possible?” Johnny says, and this time he’s standing up too, almost completely plastered to Jaehyun’s back.

“Jungwoo’s a pretty resourceful drunk,” Jaehyun says, agreeing, “fine, I’ll stay here with Johnny in case Jungwoo somehow did end up finding a way to get himself home.”

“Thanks,” Yuta replies, already grabbing his keys and moving halfway out the door. “Call me if anything.”

“Will do,” Jaehyun says, before the door slams shut.

“Well,” he continues, flopping back on the couch, “I’m worried.” 

Johnny sits down on the couch beside him. “Is Jungwoo okay?” he asks, voice neutral. Jaehyun feels bad that something like this happened while they had a guest over. He doesn’t have any reason to be embarrassed in front of Johnny, but the whole situation itself isn’t the best. 

“Jungwoo’s been having a lot of off days since Thanksgiving,” Jaehyun starts, trying to not give too much of Jungwoo’s problems away.

“Ah,” Johnny says, like he gets it. “I hope he comes home,” he murmurs, “either that or Yuta finds him.”

Jaehyun nods, too struck for words. He rubs some warmth back into his arms which have gotten cold from the winter chill. Johnny and he sit in companionable silence, thoughts both racing. Jaehyun racks his brain trying to think of something to say, anything to say. But it’s been so long since he’s been alone with Johnny like this. Beer bottles surrounding them. Jaehyun gets up and starts clearing the mess away, picking up the empty bottles and bringing them to the kitchen where the recyclables are. Jaehyun uses that as a chance to center himself. He breathes in deeply through his nose, trying to put his swarming thoughts at bay. He feels bad that he can’t be a better host to Johnny on his own. But there is so much left unsaid between them. So much that Jaehyun wants to say, wants to do, but can’t bring himself too. And that’s the crux of the matter it seems. That there’s a brick wall between what Jaehyun wants and what he thinks he deserves. He sighs again, as he opens a cabinet and reaches for a bag of oreos. If anything, he can at least share these overly sweet cookies with Johnny. 

Jaehyun makes his way back to the living room where he sees Johnny watching an American sitcom. 

“You speak English?” Jaehyun asks, at the same time Johnny laughs at the characters on TV. Jaehyun wordlessly hands over the bag of oreos as Johnny answers. 

“It’s my native language, actually,” Johnny says, “I was born in Chicago.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun says, “that’s so cool!” he replies in perfect English, and watches the way Johnny’s eyes go wide.

“Holy shit? You speak English too?”

“Well, I lived in the US for 4 years.”

Johnny smiles brightly at him, “I never have anyone else to talk to in English, really,” he says, going full on. Jaehyun listens intently, trying to retrain his mind to understand the cadence of words he hasn’t heard in so long. 

“This intern at my work is from Canada—Mark is his name, you’ve probably heard me mention him before.” Johnny nods as Jaehyun continues, “Anyway, he’s the only one I really speak to whenever we can.”

“Ah, what about Jungwoo? Taeyong? The rest?”

“Jungwoo knows a good couple of catchphrases, but I’ve never encountered someone close to our friend circle that speaks it fluently, or well, that I’ve bothered to ask.”

“It can be our little secret language,” Johnny says offhandedly, “just between the two of us.” _Just for the two of us_. Johnny’s smile spreads across his face like the sun.

Jaehyun’s eyes crinkle, “I’d like that… I’d like that very much,” his answering smile matching Johnny’s perfectly.

Before either of them can make another move, the front door slams open with a bang. 

“‘Mm here,” Jungwoo says loudly, and Jaehyun and Johnny both get up off the couch immediately and swoop him into their arms before he collapses on the floor.

“Oh Woo,” Jaehyun says, pushing his hair back off his face, “you got fucked up didn’t you?”

Jungwoo puts his thumb and forefinger really close together, “Just a lil bit,” he smacks his lips. Johnny chuckles at the sight, and that drags Jungwoo’s attention off Jaehyun. “Did I interrupt your date— _hic_ —night? I’m sorry,” his voice is forlorn.

“It’s okay, Jungwoo,” Johnny says, placating, and it’s like the reality of there being alphas in the room suddenly registers in Jungwoo’s mind. He goes limp in Jaehyun’s arms at Johnny’s soft words, head lolling to the side.

“Let me take him to his room,” Johnny offers, “you gotta call Yuta and let him know our miracle boy made it home.”

Jaehyun pretends not to hear the word “our” in Johnny’s statement as he nods in agreement. He hands Jungwoo off to Johnny who carries him bridal style down the hallway to Jungwoo’s room. “Johnny warm,” Jungwoo murmurs, and Johnny chuckles at that. The sight makes Jaehyun’s heart want to burst.

He quickly pulls his phone out of his pocket and lets Yuta know that Jungwoo is safe. Yuta sighs in relief. Jaehyun can hear Taeyong in the background close to crying.

“He’s okay,” Jaehyun repeats, “we’ve got him.”

“Thank god,” Yuta says, and Jaehyun can imagine he’s running a hand through his hair. “I’m gonna take Taeyong for a drive to get him to relax. But we’ll be home soon.”

After a quick exchange of goodbyes, Jaehyun hangs up his phone and makes his way to Jungwoo’s room. He pushes the door open to find Jungwoo on his bed, changed out of his clothes and into his sleepwear. Johnny sits on the bed near him with a package of baby wipes.

“I tried to get most of the makeup off,” Johnny starts, “but Jungwoo said something along the lines of it being ‘alpha rut proof’ before passing out.”

Jaehyun snorts a laugh as he closes the bedroom door behind them. He makes his way over to them, and pulls the baby wipes from Johnny’s hands. “He’ll be fine in the morning,” Jaehyun notes, “I’m surprised you managed to get him to change his clothes.” 

“I can be pretty persuasive,” Johnny says, a glint in his eye, “also it’s terrible to sleep in jeans.”

“I definitely heard that.” 

They both sit on Jungwoo’s bed for a second, basking in the silence. Jaehyun watches the way Johnny runs his fingers through Jungwoo’s hair. It’s soft, it’s loving, and it makes Jaehyun's heart burst. Johnny doesn’t have to be here, with him while Jungwoo’s is near passed out cold from drinking. But he is. Jaehyun feels that same cloying sensation crawl back up his throat, where he wants to say fifty things at once but can’t make himself even say one. 

“Goodnight Jungwoo,” Johnny murmurs, and presses a soft kiss to his head, “I guess I’ll be going now.” Jungwoo groans. 

“Jungwoo,” Jaehyun murmurs, “I’m going to walk Johnny out okay? I’ll be back.” 

Jungwoo groans sleepily, “No,” he says, “stay.” 

“I’ll be right back.”

“No,” he murmurs, and this time he rolls onto his side, eyes wide open, “both of you… _stay._ ” 

“Oh,” Jaehyun says, and looks at Johnny. Jungwoo rolls onto his back again and closes his eyes, and Jaehyun tries to think of a way he can tell Johnny he doesn’t have to stay over if he doesn’t want too.

“Bed’s big enough,” Jungwoo murmurs, and any hope of Jungwoo having passed out already flies out the window. Jaehyun feels a bead of sweat drip down his neck in the middle of winter, anxiousness filling his veins. 

Then Johnny says, “I’d love too,” and smiles at Jaehyun. _It’s okay_ , he mouths, and Jungwoo makes a noise of happy assent. Jaehyun excuses himself for a moment to get Johnny something more comfortable to wear. He goes to his bedroom and leans his head against the door, trying to calm his racing heart. He and Johnny are going to share a bed. He and Johnny are going to fall asleep, nearly in each other’s arms. It’s not close but. It’s closer than anything else Jaehyun has let himself experience. He can do this, he thinks, share a bed with Johnny. It should be easy, he surmises, with Jungwoo like a barricade between them. 

“I should be fine,” he whispers to himself, as he does everything to stop the racing of his heart. Jaehyun pulls out a pair of sweats and a big sweatshirt from the bottom of his drawer, and brings it back to Jungwoo’s room. Johnny has already shucked out of his jeans and gratefully takes the sweatpants. 

“Thanks, Jae,” he says, pulling the pants up. He makes a move to take off his shirt and Jaehyun averts his gaze completely. He studies the paint drips on Jungwoo’s wall instead. “Come here,” Jungwoo says, and Jaehyun turns his gaze back to his best friend, who’s pulled the blanket back on his king sized mattress to make space for Jaehyun. 

“So needy,” Jaehyun says, trying to kill the tension he feels in his gut. 

“Neediest,” Jungwoo agrees, and pulls the blanket back so Johnny can fit himself comfortably too. 

“Do you need to throw up?” Johnny asks, and Jungwoo shakes his head. 

“Not even drunk anymore I think,” Jungwoo sighs sadly. Jaehyun’s about to offer him an out, tell him they can talk about it tomorrow, but he sees Johnny grab Jungwoo’s hand in his, and squeeze it gently. 

“I hate how much I love Doyoung,” Jungwoo says softly, and Jaehyun would think he was on the verge of tears with his words, but his voice just sounds so sad instead. “Those alphas at the bar they just… reminded me of him. And I hate his attitude but…”

“But you still love him,” Johnny continues, and he rubs his thumb against Jungwoo's fingers. “It’s okay, Woo,” he murmurs softly. Johnny runs a soothing hand through his hair. “Sometimes… you can’t control your feelings.” And his voice sounds strained with the words he chokes out, but Jungwoo absorbs them all the same. Jaehyun feels like his heart is cracking in half at Johnny’s tone, feels like his entire being is a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Things will work out for you,” Johnny continues, “if not with Doyoung, there’s always someone else out there for you.”

“Thank you, Johnny,” Jungwoo sighs, before letting his hand go. He lays on his back and reaches his hands out to them both, pulling them closer. Soon enough, in the silence, Jungwoo’s breathing evens out as a sign of sleep. 

“Thank you,” Jaehyun says, after a long beat, “for staying… you didn’t have too. But you did, so. Thank you.” He grips Jungwoo’s wrist tighter.

“It’s nothing,” Johnny replies, his voice neutral. 

“I’m starting to think it’s everything,” Jaehyun says, parroting back Yuta’s words to him from what feels like a lifetime ago. Johnny is no regular alpha either, Jaehyun remembers. _No regular alpha at all._

It’s easy to decompress around Johnny, to let himself be caught up in his tide. It’s easy to feel warm in his embrace, when he’s so focused on caretaking and helping instead of taking the reins and leading. Johnny is so good at stepping back, letting others take control, so good at hanging in the wings, but always lending a helping hand. Johnny has done nothing in the entire time that Jaehyun has known him, to hurt him or any of his friends. Johnny has been nothing but nice. Nothing but considerate. Nothing but good. Good to Jaehyun. Good _for_ Jaehyun. 

In every sense of the word. 

If Jaehyun was the ocean, then Johnny would be the shore. Reliable, steady, and firm, to the ebb and flow of Jaehyun’s mess of emotions. Johnny hasn’t brought up anything since Thanksgiving. Johnny hasn’t pushed against Jaehyun once. He hasn’t demanded, hasn’t pleaded, hasn’t even bargained. He merely accepted what Jaehyun gave at face value, without even the promise of something more. He’s respecting Jaehyun by giving Jaehyun exactly what he asked for. 

And yet. _And yet._

As Jaehyun drifts to sleep that night, long after both Jungwoo and Johnny have gone to bed, he’s starting to realize more and more what he wants from Johnny is shaping into something tangible, something beyond just a make-out session or a _fuck_ . Something beyond just a _phase_. It’s further than just experimenting with an alpha, beyond just the thrill of pushing against his own boundaries. 

He wants _more_ . He wants everything that Johnny is willing to give him—and then some. Jaehyun stares at Johnny’s sleeping face illuminated by the soft street lamp through the window. “I really like you,” he murmurs, “I just don’t know how to say it.” He doesn’t quite yet know how to put it into words, but the more time that passes the more Jaehyun realizes that a friendship with Johnny is _not_ ever going to be enough.

***

  The next morning passes with little fanfare, though Jungwoo is more upset at himself for getting completely hammered than anything else. Jaehyun pours himself a glass of orange juice and tries to ignore the fact that he woke up to Johnny’s soft sleeping face, because sometime in the dead of night Jungwoo had gotten up out of bed to use the bathroom and didn’t bother getting back in the middle to go to sleep, just pushed Jaehyun towards the center and called it a day. His face looks so young when the lines of stress are faded away, and Jaehyun had an overwhelming urge to reach out and cup Johnny’s face. 

He pulled his hand back twice, feeling shame boil in his gut. Soon after, Jaehyun pushed himself out of bed before he could be tempted a third time, mind strung too high to focus on going back to sleep. He finds himself all too lazy to cook breakfast, and wonders if the rest of them will be up for grabbing waffles at that nice American diner in Itaewon. Jaehyun thinks it’ll be fun to go with Johnny, and maybe speak English with him too, where he can freely converse with him without worry or fear of eavesdroppers from their quasi shared friend group. Out of the corner of his eye, Jaehyun sees Yuta and Taeyong make their presence known. 

“Good morning,” he offers, and gets two grunts of acknowledgement back. 

“Where’s Doyoung?” Jaehyun asks, because it’s true that he hasn’t seen their other housemate in a while. 

“Maybe with Ten? Who knows,” Taeyong shares bitterly, and Jaehyun opens his mouth up before closing it. That’s definitely a can of worms he does not want to uncover right now. “Ah,” he what he settles on instead, and Yuta's shoulders sag in relief. 

“I’m kind of lazy to cook,” Jaehyun says, sipping his orange juice. “Do you guys wanna get pancakes or French toast down in Itaewon?”

“I can cook those easily,” a deep, rich voice says, and Jaehyun turns towards the hallway where Jungwoo’s bedroom is to see Johnny casually leaning against the wall. 

“Oh no, no,” Jaehyun rushes quickly, “you’re our guest, you can’t cook.”

Johnny shrugs, “Let me,” he says, and Jaehyun detects just a tinge of _alpha_ in the tone. Not enough to start a fight, but enough that he can feel his inner hackles rise. Johnny gives him a half smirk. 

“Oh I didn’t realize you were still here,” Yuta says, tone even but eyes brimming.

Johnny shrugs, “I just stayed to help Jungwoo,” he says.

“Right,” Yuta says, “thank you for your help again.”

“Of course,” Johnny smiles.

“Fine,” Jaehyun interjects, relenting. “Cook the damn french toast,” he scrunches his nose. He doesn’t know what changed overnight between the two of them, aside from where he stands with his own feelings. 

Johnny chuckles while flashing Jaehyun a small smirk.

“I can help,” Taeyong pipes up, “will you teach me, Johnny?” 

“Sure,” he replies, walking into the kitchen with them. 

“Don’t worry,” Johnny says, “Taeyong and I will handle this just fine.”

“Yes we will,” Taeyong says, though Yuta looks doubtful. Even he remembers the last time Taeyong tried to cook.

“Okay, dear,” Yuta says, and doesn’t question it. Johnny nods the two of them away, sending a wink at Jaehyun. He flushes under Johnny’s gaze, and even Yuta looks on in shock. 

“Did something else happen last night that I’m not aware of?” Yuta asks slowly. 

“No!” Jaehyun says, albeit a bit too loudly from where he’s sitting next to Yuta on the couch. “We just slept in Jungwoo’s bed together.” Jaehyun sighs. “All three of us,” he adds quickly as an afterthought. 

“Huh,” is all Yuta says afterwards. Jaehyun can sense something else is off with him, but he doesn’t want to press further. He hopes Yuta will at least come clean about it when the timing is right. 

“Jungwoo is still knocked out cold,” Jaehyun says, offering a change of subject. “He has woken up three times this morning, twice to empty the contents of his stomach, before lamenting how he would never drink again, and then summariously passing out right after.” 

“He drank a whole lot didn’t he,” Yuta says, shaking his head. “There hasn’t been much with Doyoung too,” he says, “he’s hanging out with Ten a lot but mostly I just… I just think he’s avoiding his issues.”

“Avoiding me, maybe too,” Jaehyun sighs.

“Yeah,” Yuta admits, “Yeah.”

The silence that washes over the two of them feels slightly off, though Jaehyun can’t for the life of him figure out why.

“French toast is done!” Taeyong yells from the kitchen, interrupting Jaehyun’s train of thought. Jaehyun and Yuta get up to sit at the dining table. 

“Did you know Johnny is from Chicago?” Taeyong says, and he brings the plate of French toast and syrup over. 

“Yes I did,” Jaehyun smiles, “he told me last night,” he finished in English. 

That earns him a big smile from Johnny, and a wide eyed grin from Taeyong. “Aw! You guys can speak to each other in English now!” 

Taeyong chatters along, his bubbliness infectious even on Jaehyun’s worst days, “Johnny said he’ll teach me a few words,” he adds, “I can’t wait to learn.”

“How come when I offered to teach you, you said no?” Jaehyun fake pouts.

“You’re not Johnny,” Taeyong answers cheekily, and even Yuta snorts out a laugh. “Can’t really argue with his logic there,” he says, and Jaehyun rolls his eyes. 

Breakfast passes in much the same fashion as all other meals, a nice soft conversation against the backdrop of clinking silverware. It’s been a while since Jaehyun’s had something of an American breakfast, and the food leaves him feeling warm. He and Johnny sit next to each other without even really realizing it, and Johnny’s warmth next to Jaehyun is an undeniable grounding force. Between the events of yesterday, to last night, to this morning—hell, even _before_ —Jaehyun can’t for the life of himself get his two a.m. thoughts out of his head. 

He remembers, back when he used to dream about Johnny, Johnny’s mouth, his hands, his fingers, touching every part of his body like a brand to the skin. He remembers all the times he got himself off to the timbre of Johnny’s voice, to the richness of his scent, to the sensation of Johnny’s lips pressed against his. These last few days, Jaehyun finds his fantasies less in the realm of the bedroom, and more in the realm of the kitchen. The living room. The park. Walks across the Han River. Shopping in Myeongdong, in Busan, going anywhere and everywhere that Johnny wants to go. 

Boarding a plane and visiting the United States with Johnny, going back to the place Jaehyun lived for four years, and then seeing Johnny’s home. Visiting his city. _Chicago._ Being surrounded by all the other people Johnny loves. All the things Johnny holds dear to his heart. The desire is still there for Jaehyun. The attraction hasn’t left since that first time in the shower, fucking himself open on his fingers, the nameless alpha in his brain morphing into Johnny’s psyique in his head. But the desire isn’t the only thing Jaehyun has latched onto. 

His heart is involved now, too. And his mouth wants to run, with a million and one things he wants to say, but that he feels could never be enough. He’s still at breakfast, with his best friends and Johnny, with Jungwoo passed out in the bedroom, and now is not the time to let the burning feelings escape his chest. _Soon_ , he thinks, when the timing is right. _Soon,_ he thinks, as the more things start to make sense. 

Jaehyun doesn’t let anyone else know the thrill that runs through him. Johnny in his shirt. Johnny in his scent. Johnny didn’t even bother changing into his own clothes, just merely stayed in the ones Jaehyun gave him. When he thinks about the guilt of the thrill, he feels it like a scabbed over wound. It still hurts to the touch, but Jaehyun thinks it’s better now. It’s not bleeding anymore. When he thinks about the pain of others knowing, his mind feels distant, like looking at the edge of the horizon from the shore. It’s easy to judge things from a distance, where you aren’t close enough to see the real thing. Jaehyun thinks he’s had enough of a lifetime of looking at things from a distance, of wishing but never getting, of wanting but never having.

And when Johnny bids them goodbye after breakfast, after a long talk about everything and anything and nothing at all, he leaves with Jaehyun’s clothes still clinging to his skin. 

Jaehyun smiles brightly behind his hand. 

***

Christmas creeps up on all of them quickly, bringing a flurry of morning snow and chilly weather. Jaehyun wakes up every morning with dry lips and cold feet, burrowing under his blankets until he has to drag himself out of bed. The rest of the house isn’t in much better shape either, with Taeyong not going outside unless he’s wearing at least three scarves and Jungwoo bundled up so high that Jaehyun can’t even make out his eyes. The cold seeps into Jaehyun’s bones, bringing with it the desire to be kept warm by another body. Just one body in fact, but that’s neither here nor there. Jaehyun finally found the time between work and hanging out with his friends to get those Christmas presents wrapped. And he thanks those school kids who set up a gift wrapping donation table for their effort. Jaehyun has meticulously placed all of the presents he’s purchased for his friends under their makeshift tree, which mostly just consists of a side-table sized artificial tree they bring out two days before Christmas every year. One of these years, they’ll get a real tree. Jaehyun stretches his legs out across his bed, careful to keep the mountain of blankets he has covering himself. He curls in on the delectable warmth.

“Merry Christmas,” Jungwoo says directly into Jaehyun’s ear, and Jaehyun fights the urge to roll his eyes. He opens one up slowly and sees Jungwoo hovering over his bed, wearing an honest to god reindeer onesie. 

“It’s cold,” Jaehyun says, before snuggling back into his blankets. They’ve all made plans to go to dinner tonight for Christmas and just relax in each other’s company. Doyoung’s been around a lot more in the recent week, and Jaehyun almost feels out of his element whenever he sees him. Almost. Jaehyun thinks about two nights ago when Doyoung kept hovering around him and Jungwoo, lips pursed like he was going to say something, but no words ever actually coming out. Jungwoo had looked torn between asking Doyoung what he wanted and telling him to fuck off, and Jaehyun was content to keep himself as far out of it as possible. 

Jungwoo shoves his cold hands down inside Jaehyun’s blankets, causing him to shriek. “You asshole!” Jaehyun shouts, pushing Jungwoo’s hands away and pulling his blanket up. Jungwoo just laughs.

“It’s Christmas!” Jungwoo repeats, and this time Jaehyun visibly sighs. It’s definitely going to be a long day. 

He gets out of bed reluctantly and puts on his house slippers, pulling a blanket over his shoulders. Even though the house heater is on it sometimes just doesn’t feel like enough. Jungwoo pulls him into the kitchen and pushes a cup of coffee Jaehyun’s way, to which he is eternally grateful. Jaehyun sips the coffee slowly and allows himself a chance to wake up, basking in the finally blissful silence of the kitchen. 

“What time is it?” He finally asks.

“Just a little past 7,” Jungwoo says.

Jaehyun wants to bang his head on the table. “Why in God’s good name are we awake so early?” 

Jungwoo laughs, and the sound is soft and bright, reminds Jaehyun of Jungwoo a couple months ago, back before his crush on Doyoung had really taken the spark out of him. 

“It’s nice to hear you laugh again,” Jaehyun blurts out without thinking. 

Jungwoo blushes and looks away shyly. “I’m good,” he says, and this time Jaehyun believes him. 

The rest of the house slowly makes their way out of their rooms one by one. Jaehyun and Jungwoo are watching a cooking show while everyone else wakes up around them. Jaehyun can hear cereal being poured into a bowl, or the ding of the toaster oven going on. He pulls his blanket tighter around himself. 

“Merry Christmas, everyone,” he says in a soft tone, knowing it’s still too early in the morning.

“Merry Christmas,” comes back a half awake chorus of replies. Yuta slams himself onto the recliner chair, extending the feet out and curling up into a ball. Everyone has been lazy today, what with the constant barrage of snow outside and being on holiday for the last two days. They all migrate to the living room eventually, the tiny side table tree and its fake frosted leaves and lights a soft glow in the corner.

“Is it present time?” Taeyong asks, eyes wide. 

“Let’s wait ‘til right before dinner?” Yuta suggests, “I have a present for Johnny there that I plan to give him during the dinner anyway.”

“Sounds good to me,” Jaehyun chimes in.

“Yeah I don’t mind waiting.” Jungwoo says.

“Hey,” Yuta asks as they’ve settled into a comfortable silence, “is Ten coming tonight?” He looks over at Doyoung who’s sitting on the love seat next to Taeyong. 

“No,” is Doyoung’s curt reply. He doesn’t give any other information. 

“Okay,” Yuta says, shaking his head, “why don’t we all just carpool?” 

“I don’t think the sedan can fit six people?” Jaehyun says.

“Nah,” Yuta replies, “Johnny said he’ll meet us there. He had to stop by and get something first or whatever.” 

Jaehyun shrugs. “Sounds good to me,” he says, playing casual, chest expanding at the prospect of seeing Johnny on Christmas. Jaehyun knows it’s a couples holiday in Korea. He also knows he and Johnny are not a couple. However, it’s still a thought that brings warmth to his heart, to see Johnny on a holiday meant for people who are celebrating being together. 

So much has happened, Jaehyun thinks, in all these last months. From the first kiss with Johnny that feels like a lifetime ago, to the fleeting touches, the looks, Johnny’s warmth, his heart, his mind—Jaehyun looks at the snow falling outside the window of the living room and thinks it’s beautiful. The gentle way the flakes fall from the sky, landing like petals on the ground. Jaehyun has always hated the cold, but he can appreciate the beauty in nature. He can appreciate the beauty in his surroundings. And when he looks out the window, the gentle caress of the snow reminds him of the way Johnny’s hand felt cupped against his cheek, the way his palm felt against his burning skin. Jaehyun thinks the last seven months have been nothing but a flurry of running forward and running back, like he was playing winger on a soccer team. Jaehyun thinks he’s run enough to last forever. 

He knew back then, two weeks ago, when Johnny had stayed over and helped him with Jungwoo, when he had taken care of Jungwoo and asked for nothing in return, when he had given his heart and a smile and begged for nothing, wanted for nothing—

Jaehyun knew in that moment he’d never want anyone else. This was more than just a passing fancy. This was more than just an experiment. This was _Johnny_. This was Johnny who was an alpha that Jaehyun had feelings for. Secured in his head and locked under a key, those feelings would rot. But if he spoke them out loud, if he could possibly find the strength to say these words… 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so scary anymore. Maybe Johnny might actually feel something in return. They did kiss after all, a long time ago. And Jaehyun hopes if he has any good karma left in the world that he might be able to cash in on it right now. If there was ever a time to confess something to someone, he thinks Christmas isn’t such a bad day to choose. 

Jaehyun spends the rest of the morning half focussed on the tv show and the light conversations around him, mind drifting away like the snow flurries in the wind, thinking about Johnny’s smile, thinking about all the ways he could tell Johnny what he’s been feeling for a long time. 

***

“You made it!” Yuta exclaims, and Jaehyun turns around to see Johnny with his hair swept back and soft, a nice brown sweater on. 

“It’s snowing,” Johnny muses, pulling a chair out and sitting right next to Jaehyun. Jaehyun doesn’t care actually, and feels more than happy that Johnny is sitting next to him. Yuta hands him over his gift and Johnny bows his head. He works quickly taking the wrapping off, to reveal a nice set of work button downs and a silk tie. 

“Perfect,” Johnny says, running his fingers over the silk. “I needed some new shirts too.” 

Yuta laughs, and the table goes back to bustling again. Jaehyun turns to Johnny and drags the gift bag over. “This is yours,” he says, pointing at the space between their chairs. 

“Jae, you didn’t have to get me a present,” Johnny says. 

Jaehyun shrugs, “I wanted too.” He watches as Johnny opens the gift, and sees the set of Pyrex baking dishes inside. Suddenly, Jaehyun is nervous. Like he’s afraid that Johnny won’t like the gift he got for him. Johnny’s eyes light up as he looks at the package, hefting the box onto his lap. He offers Jaehyun a smile.

“I guess this means I really have to bake more cookies for you guys then, huh?” His tone is teasing.

“Hell yeah,” Jungwoo says from across the table, causing Taeyong to laugh. The waitress finally comes around passing out jugs of water and bottles of beer and soju. Johnny puts the Pyrex back into the gift bag and tucks it neatly behind his chair.

“Thank you, Jaehyun,” he says softly, and Jaehyun smiles. 

“I’m glad you like it,” he says shyly.

“It’s definitely something I would make use of,” Johnny says in thought, while he relays his order to Yuta who’s taken charge of telling the waitress how much food she’ll unfortunately have to lug back over soon.

“We kind of always try and get each other practical gifts,” Jaehyun says, shrugging. “It’s just been a thing for all of us the last couple years? Like I got Taeyong some more scarves because he always gets cold in winter.”

“That’s actually a really smart idea for Christmas,” Johnny intones, unwrapping his chopsticks. Jaehyun feels himself naturally turning to face Johnny. And for once he’s grateful that he’s sitting on the inside against the wall.

“Well you know, better to get something I’d know these losers would use than to get something they wouldn’t like,” he pauses, “then again, I got Yuta tickets for the Korea versus Japan friendly in February. He definitely started crying when he saw them.”

“Hey!” comes Yuta’s indignant response from across the table, “I did not cry, I merely had some snow in my eyes.”

“Right,” Jaehyun says, rolling his eyes.

Johnny snorts, before breaking out into a small laugh. “Thank you again. I’ll definitely make use of these. How did you know I liked Martha Stewart?”

Jaehyun laughs at that, and from there the rest of the dinner devolves into a great night of barbecue, mandu, alcohol, and laughter. Jaehyun feels lucky they managed to nag one of the private rooms here, because he knows just how loud this table is getting the more they consume alcohol. It’s so nice though, to let loose and have fun, to let the sounds of his friend’s raucous laughter or Yuta’s storytelling fill up the silence in his head. Because his thoughts from this morning are still ruminating in his mind, and as much as Jaehyun wants to back out, he knows he needs to do this. He… he owes it to Johnny to be honest with him. And even if Johnny doesn’t feel the same way, even if Jaehyun’s chance is all long gone, he can at least let these feelings and emotions out of his chest that have carved a hole in him go. The anxiousness starts to creep in, and with a few drinks in Jaehyun’s feeling a lot more fragile than usual. He focuses on his plate of meat, going through the motions of chewing and swallowing, but he’s long forgotten what the food is supposed to taste like. Soon enough, he’s eaten everything he possibly could, and there isn’t anything else to distract him from the inevitable. Jaehyun feels unsure of himself all of a sudden, wonders if it would be wise to tell Johnny here at the table, out in the open, before the memories of the last two times he was out in public float through his mind, and he clenches his fists too tightly against his palm. Jaehyun knows if he doesn’t say it now, he’s never gonna do it. But the primal instinct of self preservation needs him to confess these feelings somewhere he won’t feel like there’s two thousand eyes on him.

Soon enough, all the food is systematically cleared away and only the smallest of talk remains. Jaehyun just wants to go home he thinks, wants to sit and think about what and how to say this. Maybe he can just send it to Johnny over text? Maybe he can mention it right outside, right before they all leave and go their separate ways? Maybe he can—

“Yo, Jae,” Yuta says, voice much closer than before. Jaehyun looks up and behind himself to see Yuta standing there, inquisitive look on his face.

“We’re going out for more drinks, maybe some singing, you down?”

Jaehyun grips his stomach and he can feel the tension underneath. “I think I ate too much,” he feigns, “I might just catch a train home.”

“Nah,” Johnny butts in, “I’m not going either. I can just drop you to your house.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs. 

 

Jaehyun nods to Yuta, “Johnny’ll take me home.” Yuta gives him a look that Jaehyun can’t quite place yet, brain too foggy from food and drinks and anxiety to decipher meaning.

“Okay,” Yuta says, gripping Jaehyun’s shoulder, “we’ll see you tonight at the house. Feel better!”

Jaehyun nods and they make their way out of the restaurant, watching as all his friends make their way to Yuta’s car and drive off.

“This way,” Johnny says, voice up close and right behind him. It startles Jaehyun a little bit, but he tries to play it off. It’s been a while since it’s just been the two of them, alone like this, alcohol in both of their systems. Jaehyun tries to forget the last time it was like this, the last time he ran away. Jaehyun doesn’t really count the time where he and Johnny waited for Jungwoo to come home as one of those times, since Johnny just happened to be there anyway. This right here though, feels inevitable.

The car ride to Jaehyun’s house is silent, as he watches the way the snow falls outside the window. It isn’t even until they reach the front gate of the community where Jaehyun pauses and looks at Johnny, watches the way he enters in the passcode easily. It’s a strange sight to see, how integrated Johnny is in his and his friend’s lives, without having really realized it. It also makes Jaehyun feel like what he’s about to do is so insurmountably terrible, because Johnny isn’t just his friend. He’s _all_ of their friend. Yuta’s coworker. A best friend’s best friend. It ruminates in him, the way he’s about to either ruin a friendship or gain… _something_ in return. And all too soon Johnny is parking outside Jaehyun’s house, on the curb. 

“Well,” Jaehyun says, “thanks for dropping me home.” He gives Johnny a genuine smile. 

Johnny shuts his car off and makes his way out, which leaves Jaehyun a little confused. “I actually need to talk to you?” Johnny says, voice a tad bit soft. “I didn’t wanna do it in the car, though.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, “of course.” They make their way up the driveway and Jaehyun opens the door, pushing into the warmth of the house, away from the freezing chill. 

“God, it feels so good in here,” he says, hanging up his coat on the rack. Jaehyun kicks his shoes off near the door, and knows Taeyong will be upset to see them lying haphazardly, but Jaehyun wants to get some feeling back into his legs first. 

“It is ridiculously cold outside,” Johnny says, chuckling. He does the same as Jaehyun, except he leaves his shoes looking nicely. They make their way into the living room, Jaehyun excusing himself to grab some drinks from the fridge. He offers Johnny a bottle of water which he accepts, and Jaehyun sits down on the couch next to him, hands fidgeting in his lap. Jaehyun doesn’t know what to say now. And they settle into a stifling silence. 

“I needed to talk to you too,” Jaehyun finally offers, “but do please, go first.”

Johnny puts his water bottle down and smiles. “Okay.”

He reaches into his inner jacket pocket and pulls out a small box, wrapped in red paper. “Merry Christmas,” Johnny says, handing the little box over to Jaehyun. 

“You got me a gift?” Jaehyun asks, eyes bulging out of his head, “you didn’t have to.”

“Open it.” 

Jaehyun delicately pulls the wrapping paper off the small box, careful not to damage it. He opens the thing and—

“Johnny no,” Jaehyun gasps, almost dropping it. Inside the box is a beautiful silver bracelet, and what Jaehyun can only guess might be something ridiculously expensive. On the inside is an engraved letter _J._ It makes Jaehyun’s gift to Johnny pale in comparison. “Johnny what the fuck is this?” Jaehyun says, pointing at the offending item he’s holding in his hand. Johnny takes it from him and unclasps it, before securing it around Jaehyun’s wrist. 

“It’s a Christmas gift,” Johnny says, voice neutral. 

“It feels like more than that,” Jaehyun blurts out, unable to stop himself.

“Well,” Johnny starts, scratching the back of his neck, “it is.” He looks up and gazes directly into Jaehyun’s eyes. He pulls Jaehyun’s hand with the bracelet on into his. 

“It is exactly what it looks like,” Johnny states, and Jaehyun breaks eye contact to look at the way the pretty bracelet pops off his skin. A gift. A brand. 

A _claim._  

“I know, Jaehyun, that things haven’t been the best the last couple of months. And I know you wanted to just be friends. I will always be your friend. But nothing has changed for me. I still feel the same pull to you I felt all those months ago,” Johnny runs his thumb over the edge of the bracelet slightly, “i know we aren’t like our ancestors, I know this gives me no hold over you… I know this guarantees nothing,” Johnny takes a deep breath, “but I hope you’ll accept my gift. I hope you’ll consider me. As a lover. A mate.” 

Jaehyun's head whips back up, looking away from the bracelet and back at Johnny’s face. “You don’t have to think of me right now. But maybe someday... I hope you’ll consider me.” He squeezes Jaehyun’s hand tightly, and presses a soft kiss to his forehead. 

Everything— _everything_ —falls apart at once. Jaehyun feels his insides explode, one after another, in slow motion. He feels his mind speed up and race will the million and one thoughts he’s been choking on, been drowning under for months. The weight of the world seems to collapse to a pinpoint—and a wave of honest to fucking god _anger_ bubbles to the surface. He is seething, coiled tightly like a spring. The bracelet burns against his skin. Jaehyun pushes Johnny away with all the force in his body he can muster. 

“How is this so fucking easy for you?” He spits out, voice strained and off key. Jaehyun feels wild, strung up. Like an animal backed into a corner. His emotions are frayed and running high. His anger at everything, everyone, feels like the only emotion he can process. 

“Easy?” Johnny says, and he doesn’t even look hurt. He gets up off the couch and pushes his way into Jaehyun’s space, standing taller than him. “None of this is easy for me.”

“How can you admit you like me? How can you do it?” Jaehyun’s voice shakes, hand raised high to bring the bracelet to their eye line. “How can you say all those things and not recoil? Not feel ashamed? Not want to fucking…” 

Johnny grips Jaehyun's shoulders and presses their foreheads together, Jaehyun feels like his mind is going to shatter. “None of this has ever been easy for me,” Johnny intones, voice rough, and it’s the first time Jaehyun’s ever heard Johnny direct some level of diatribe at him. 

Jaehyun pulls himself out of Johnny’s grip and looks at his face. “You don’t get it!” He shouts, backing away. Jaehyun shakes his head softly. “I have been afraid of my feelings for you for months!” The bracelet feels like a weight on his skin. 

Johnny looks at him speechless. Jaehyun runs a hand through his wild hair. “I wanted to tell you. This is what I wanted to say,” his hands shake as he speaks, “that I like you. That I might more than like you. I have feelings for you. And I can’t express it without feeling bile rise up in my throat.” 

“Jaehyun—“

“Let me fucking finish!” Jaehyun snaps, “we are both _alphas_. We are both supposed to dominate. We are both supposed to live off our alpha instincts or die trying. Why is this so easy for you? How can you just tell me these things and not seem so affected?” Jaehyun throws a wild gaze Johnny’s direction. Eyes blazing. Jaehyun’s made his way away from Johnny, pacing lines in the floor behind the couch.

“How could you ask me to be with you? To say—to consider… you called me a _mate._ How can you fucking speak those words without wanting to recoil?” 

“Because,” Johnny says, and this time he rushes Jaehyun again, closes in on his space, hands gripped tightly in his while he pins him against the back of the couch with his hips. It’s almost a reenactment of their first kiss, Jaehyun’s mind thinks forlornly, it’s almost the same as the day Jaehyun’s entire life fell apart—or fell together.

  “My best friend is an alpha,” Johnny says slowly, taking a deep breath, as he pauses in the silence, “who is dating _another_ alpha.” His words are low and soft, like he’s sharing a secret no one else is supposed to know. Like he’s giving Jaehyun a small little glimmer of _hope_. It feels like hours before Jaehyun’s brain catches up to Johnny’s words, and he tries to struggle out of Johnny’s grip, but the strength Johnny possesses won’t let him. 

“Your best…”

“Sehun is the only reason why I am the way I am,” Johnny pushes, “I didn’t just fucking wake up one day and unlearn all of my toxic alpha behavior. I had to be better for my childhood best friend. I had to become a better person to support him.”

“What?” Jaehyun’s mind feels clogged and hazy, like he’s hearing everything while submerged underwater. “I don’t—I feel like I don’t—“

“You’re not the only alpha who struggles with this, Jaehyun.” There is a beat of silence, where all Jaehyun can focus on is the way Johnny’s breath feels against his cheek. They haven’t been pressed up this close together in so, so long. And Jaehyun yearns for more than he ever has.

 You’re not alone,” Johnny continues, “I promise you that.”

“I,” Jaehyun says, words escaping him. He looks at where his and Johnny’s hands meet, and it feels like his wrist is on fire. The bracelet glints the fluorescent light off the ceiling in full technicolor. Time slows down, in Jaehyun’s mind, focalized on the bracelet, thinking about the _what-if’s_ and the _could-be’s_ , thinking about a future with Johnny. With just Johnny.

No one else but the two of them. Living. Existing. Happy, and in l—

Jaehyun feels the fight leave his body. He crumples in Johnny’s hold.

But that’s okay, because Johnny catches him before he falls. 

“Shh,” Johnny whispers, “I got you,” he says. 

“I have never felt so alone in my life,” Jaehyun says against Johnny’s chest, “felt like these feelings were a fucking disease—hoping I could get over them. Hoping they would leave me alone.”

“I remember being disgusted with him,” Johnny says, “we hadn’t seen each other in years, and all he smells like is another alpha. I remember thinking it wasn’t possible… not someone I knew, someone I admired. Not my hyung,” Johnny’s voice is soothing to Jaehyun’s ears. “But he looked at me dead on. With defiance. Like he knew what he smelled like, knew what I was thinking.” 

Johnny takes a deep breath, “he was expecting me to be as combative as his other friends. And I was… I was exactly what he expected.”

“What happened?”

“We fought, full on,” and Johnny chuckles, “Sehun beat the shit out of me, but it was worth it.” Johnny pats the back of Jaehyun's head. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you, Jaehyun,” he continues, “but I really like you. I want to be with you. I think I might even l—“

“Don’t,” Jaehyun bites out, feels anger rising to his throat again, “it’s so easy for you. It’s been hell for me.”

“I’ve got years on you,” Johnny murmurs, “it’s okay.”

“No it isn’t,” Jaehyun grits out, pushing Johnny away again. He rubs his hands over his face. 

They stand near each other in silence again, Johnny looking at Jaehyun almost the same way he did at Thanksgiving. Like he’s on the verge of leaving, like he’s about to say something to console Jaehyun, at the fall of his own feelings. Like he’s about to smile again, and not have it reach his eyes.

And for the life of him, Jaehyun can’t let that happen. 

He grits his teeth, steels his nerves, and grabs Johnny by the face—pressing his lips against his like a tidal wave. Jaehyun curls his fingers in Johnny’s hair at the nape of his neck, bracelet tugging against the strands. Johnny answers back in kind, and just as feverishly, hands reaching out, groping Jaehyun’s sides, then his shoulders then his neck. Johnny is warm against his skin, Johnny is fire in his veins. Jaehyun bites Johnny’s bottom lip, causing him to gasp, and he uses that opportunity to beautifully shove his tongue in Johnny’s mouth again like he’s dreamt of for months.  Johnny lets out these soft gasps, these tiny moans, and Jaehyun soaks up every single one, commits them all to memory. 

And then Johnny pushes back against Jaehyun’s tongue, grips Jaehyun just a little bit tighter, bites Jaehyun’s lip with his teeth, and those damn feelings inside him rush up to the surface all _over_ again.

“Ugh, fuck!” Jaehyun yells, pushing Johnny away.

“I am getting some extremely confusing signals here,” Johnny says, licking his lips. Jaehyun can’t take his eyes away.

“It was fine when I was leading,” Jaehyun pouts, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Do you want to lead?” Johnny asks softly, and Jaehyun looks up at him with big eyes. _Yes,_ he wants to say,  _but someday. Not now._

“N-no,” Jaehyun admits, looking away, “I want you to lead.”

“We can always try again another time? We can work up to it?”

“No!” Jaehyun says, mouth set in a thin line. He’s feeling particularly stubborn now. Particularly irritable. If he doesn’t conquer this now he doesn’t think he ever will. Jaehyun looks at Johnny’s hands and suddenly—

“Didn’t you say that your friend beat you and you got your shit together?”

“I mean. That’s a very harsh way of saying it—but yes. Sehun and I fought. But what does that have to do—”

“Hit me.” 

“What?”

Jaehyun lets his mind halt for a few seconds, while he stares at the horrified look on Johnny’s face. Suddenly, everything seems so _easy._ Jaehyun wants to slap himself. Why didn’t he think of this earlier?

“Hit me,” Jaehyun says, “hit me hard enough to make the instinct go away.”

“You,” Johnny says, mind racing, and Jaehyun watches as he catches up. “You want me to beat you…”

“Yes.”

“Into submission?”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, nervous, but fully content. “Johnny I—please. I want you. I want you so badly,” Jaehyun plays with the bracelet on his wrist. “But I don’t want us to stop every five fucking minutes so I can growl at you before we continue.”

“Jaehyun—”

“Please,” he begs, “If it gets too much, I’ll stop you.”

“Will you even be able too?” Johnny says, worry in his eyes.

“I promise.”

Johnny nods at Jaehyun, and studies him in silence. “Okay,” he agrees, and Jaehyun lets out the air he’s been holding in, “okay.” 

“Kiss me,” Jaehyun asks, voice soft, gentle. 

Johnny grabs him by the back of the neck and pulls him close. It’s the same again as it was, Johnny biting on Jaehyun’s lips and pulling out moan after breathy moan from him. Jaehyun feels drunk on the way Johnny’s tongue feels inside his mouth, and gasps when Johnny runs his tongue against the back of his teeth. Jaehyun feels his chest rumble, and he’s sure Johnny can _smell_ the territorial pheromones rolling off him in waves. 

“Fuck,” Jaehyun says, trying to bite back, trying to take the lead.

“No,” Johnny intones, voice rough, and grips Jaehyun once again by the back of his neck. He shoves his tongue in Jaehyun’s mouth again, swallowing every moan Jaehyun lets out. Johnny’s got Jaehyun gripped so tightly, and in one swift movement, he picks Jaehyun up and throws him over his shoulder, fireman carry style. 

“What the fuck!” Jaehyun shouts, aggression starting to rear its ugly head. His mind feels like a foggy mess. “Put me down!” 

Johnny says nothing as he marches them both to Jaehyun's room. Jaehyun doesn’t even have another moment to get a word in edgewise as Johnny roughly puts him down and pushes him against the closed bedroom door. 

“You wanted this, right? You want to submit,” Johnny breathes out, voice right next to Jaehyun’s ear. Jaehyun growls in response, trying to nip at Johnny’s cheek. Johnny has him pinned to the door by his hips, his hands holding Jaehyun tightly against the door. 

“Submit,” Johnny says, biting down on Jaehyun’s ear, before roughly thrusting his hips forward. Jaehyun can feel the beginnings of arousal pooling in his gut, can feel himself getting hard in his pants at Johnny’s words. 

“No,” Jaehyun says, trying to push Johnny off, he steps on Johnny’s foot, causing him to yelp, and Jaehyun uses the momentary distraction to push Johnny away from him. “Ugh fuck,” Jaehyun says. 

“That’s the plan,” Johnny smirks, and he lunges at Jaehyun, pinning him tight to the bed with his entire body weight. Johnny grabs Jaehyun’s face between his fingers and forces Jaehyun to look at him. He squeezes his jaw hard, turning Jaehyun’s face to the side, so he can get access to Jaehyun’s neck. 

Jaehyun feels his stomach rolling, feels his instincts fighting back harshly. Bile rises up in his throat as he knees Johnny in the groin and pushes him off, throwing him off the bed. Johnny expertly ducks into a roll to avoid injury and pops back up. Jaehyun gets off the bed and stands his ground, chest rumbling. Johnny looks at him with a feral glint in his eye. Like he’s getting as much excitement out of the thrill of getting another alpha to submit as Jaehyun feels being consensually forced into submission. 

“You’re still good?” Johnny asks, as they circle each other in Jaehyun’s room. 

“I’m perfect,” Jaehyun says, and he truly believes it. He hasn’t felt this good in so long. He lunges at Johnny who grabs his hand mid-strike, stopping the punch that would’ve connected easily with his jaw. Johnny grips him by the shoulders and throws him really roughly against the wall, Jaehyun feels himself whimper at the contact. Johnny is so strong. 

There’s a slightly concerned look in Johnny’s eye before Jaehyun winks at him, letting him know it’s okay. Jaehyun kicks out at one of Johnny’s legs causing him to fall to the floor. Johnny rights himself quickly but not enough before Jaehyun can land a punch to his stomach. 

“Fuck, you fight dirty!” Johnny grips his abdomen, viciousness renewed. He ducks down and swipes one of Jaehyun’s legs out from under him, and grabs Jaehyun’s legs tight in two hands, dragging him along the floor. Johnny hovers over Jaehyun again, using his hips and his weight to pin him to the floor. Jaehyun lands a half missed punch to Johnny’s shoulder, and Johnny responds back in kind.

“Submit to me,” Johnny says again, repeating his words from earlier. 

“Fuck you,” Jaehyun says, growling. He pushes his hips up to try and get Johnny off of him but the hard floor makes it too difficult for him to get enough leverage. 

“Submit,” Johnny repeats, grabbing Jaehyun’s jaw and pulling his face hard. Jaehyun whines out again softly, knowing there will be a bruise from where Johnny’s grabbed him. This time Johnny doesn’t stop to ask if he’s okay. Jaehyun’s never felt so exhilarated in his life.

The bracelet catches Jaehyun’s eye and he uses the anger that it sends through his body to push Johnny off him one last time. Jaehyun gets up and scrambles away from him, growling at Johnny. 

“That’s right,” Johnny says coyly, “go ahead baby… growl for _me_ ,” he murmurs. And the look he sends Jaehyun makes him feel like a cornered animal, makes him feel like prey. A chill runs up his spine. In his momentary lapse of attention, Johnny picks Jaehyun up off the ground and flings him across the room against the wall. Jaehyun feels the impact against his body, and knows he’s going to be all types of sore tomorrow when this is over. 

“Come on, Jaehyun,” Johnny says, a few feet away from him. Jaehyun just growls at him again. Johnny lets out a guttural sound in return, and Jaehyun feels himself shiver, backing up again against the wall. Johnny grips the front of his shirt and pulls it off, revealing a chiseled and toned body underneath. Jaehyun studies the way a drop of sweat rolls down Johnny’s chest, eyes mesmerized. 

“Go away,” Jaehyun says, feeling faint. 

“Come on, baby,” Johnny says again, walking closer, or rather, stalking closer. Jaehyun feels like Johnny’s prey. Jaehyun feels like Johnny is going to eat him whole. 

Jaehyun hopes he does.

“Don’t—don’t call me that!” 

“Why not? You’re my baby.” 

“N-no.”

“My precious baby boy,” Johnny says, and suddenly he’s right in front of Jaehyun, gripping him tight by the forearms. The bracelet on Jaehyun’s wrist reflects the room light in a soft gold. Johnny’s hands are a brand on his skin. They will always be a mark upon his body. Johnny will always own a part of him, whether Jaehyun fucks him or not. 

Whether Jaehyun loves him—or not. 

Jaehyun remembers the last time Johnny called him that—his baby. Remembers how he had tucked tail and ran, how he had let the fear that coursed through him beat out the arousal. How he had let the shame at desiring another alpha overtake the need to be taken care of. 

Johnny caresses Jaehyun’s cheek in his open palm, touch a soft gentle compared to the previous hard graze. Jaehyun comes back to the moment, taken out of his reverie. “You’re my baby,” Johnny says, “and you always will be.” It echoes in Jaehyun’s mind, bouncing back and forth off the walls of his head. _My baby. You always will be._ Johnny grips the front of Jaehyun’s neck tightly, pressing on his pulse point. Jaehyun lets out a weak growl, and Johnny answers back with something deep and scary enough to have Jaehyun cower back, even when Johnny already has him in his grip. “You’re my baby,” Johnny repeats, reaching out, letting his mouth ghost across Jaehyun’s cheek, letting his teeth run across Jaehyun’s lip before biting down hard enough to draw blood. 

Jaehyun whimpers, and all at once, feels like a puppet whose strings have been cut. 

“I’m your baby,” he says in a daze, and Johnny pulls Jaehyun close to him and presses him onto the mattress on his back. 

“Yeah you are,” Johnny says, “I’ve got you.” He kisses Jaehyun with more intensity than Jaehyun’s ever felt in his life, and for once, Jaehyun lets himself go—let’s himself enjoy the beautiful man on top of him, who has indirectly promised to give him everything he could want and more. Jaehyun lets Johnny consume him, and feels the last vestiges of the anvil that has sat on his chest for months lift away. 

Jaehyun grips Johnny’s broad shoulders and moans into his mouth, reaching a hand down to his own shirt to pull it off. Johnny sits back on his haunches and admires Jaehyun beneath him, soaking up the beautiful unblemished skin. Jaehyun’s hair is half sticking to his forehead because of sweat, and he knows his lip is bleeding, but he’s never felt as beautiful as he does right now, on the business end of Johnny’s gaze. 

“You’re all fucking mine,” Johnny growls out, and Jaehyun whimpers in agreement for his response, feeling like an omega in heat. At once when that would make him feel like utter shit, now it only brings a sense of lust into his mind. An omega in heat puts the most trust into the partner they choose, right? An omega in heat chooses who they want to be with, right? 

Jaehyun can’t imagine choosing anyone else, but Johnny. Jaehyun can’t imagine it being _with_ anyone else, other than Johnny. They divulge themselves of their pants easily, hands still roaming against skin. Jaehyun reaches out to touch twice before pulling his hands back, afraid. 

“Touch me,” Johnny says, noticing Jaehyun’s inner struggle. And Jaehyun reaches out, laying a palm on Johnny’s chest, right where his heart is at. He can feel the way it bears under his palm, strong and steady. They’re now mostly naked together on bed, just down to their boxers. Jaehyun reaches his hand out again, fixated on touching the soft skin of Johnny’s side. He lets his hands wander all over Johnny’s body, taking him in.

“Please,” Jaehyun whispers, and he isn’t even sure what he’s really asking for. But he looks up at Johnny, who nods in agreement with him, and it’s like Johnny already knows what Jaehyun’s trying to say. Johnny pulls their underwear off and throws it off the bed. Jaehyun takes a moment to register how hard his own cock is, at how aroused his body is with Johnny this close to him. He casts his eyes downward and sees Johnny’s cock, hard and pressed against his own abdomen. 

“Oh my fucking—”

“Yeah,” Johnny says, smirking, and in this moment he is every bit the quintessential alpha. Jaehyun bares his teeth at Johnny slightly, knowing he can’t help it, but Johnny pinches his nipple between two fingers and Jaehyun whines in response. 

“Fuck,” he cries out, and watches as Johnny places his warm palm on Jaehyun’s chest, close to his neck. All Jaehyun feels is calm. 

“I’ll take care of you,” Johnny says, “I promise.” 

“Inside the drawer there’s a bottle of lube,” Jaehyun says, all shame gone. Johnny moves to grab it. His eyes go wide at seeing the size of the bottle, and Jaehyun has to try and stop himself from blushing so hard. 

“Turn around,” Johnny says, hands caressing Jaehyun’s hips. 

“No,” Jaehyun replies, “I want to see your face.” 

Johnny looks at him softly and smiles. He situates himself between Jaehyun’s legs, pushing them farther apart. Johnny leans down and kisses Jaehyun’s lips slowly, sharing breath. Jaehyun gasps into Johnny’s mouth as he feels hands tracing his inner thighs, fingertips ghosting across his hole. A pang of aggression rears up inside him, and Jaehyun can feel a small growl fall from his lips. Johnny is fast though, and pins him down by the arms as he continues to kiss Jaehyun, whispering _baby boy_ over and over again until Jaehyun feels like his mind is jelly. 

Johnny pulls back, lips red and kiss swollen. He picks up the bottle of lube one more time and pours some on his hand. Jaehyun watches the way Johnny’s fingers move. Knowing full well they’re gonna be inside of him soon. 

“I’ve only done this to myself,” Jaehyun blurts out.

“Fuck,” Johnny says, “that’s so hot.” His fingers trace Jaehyun’s rim, barely touching but not pushing it, and he feels his gut clench. “How many times did you think of me?” Johnny asks.

“What?”

“You heard me,” he says, fingertips lightly tracing Jaehyun’s hole again, touching but not pressing inside. Jaehyun feels so close to whining. 

Jaehyun steels his breath. Feels embarrassment course through his veins. “Every time,” he says, “the first was the night we met.” 

“Oh my fucking god,” Johnny says, and finally, _finally_ , he pushes one finger inside. 

Immediately, Jaehyun’s body feels wrong. He has a deep seated knee jerk reaction to kicking Johnny off him and biting his neck. He feels exposed in the worst way, and the urge to slam his legs shut is overwhelming. But Johnny is using his other hand to keep Jaehyun’s legs forced open, and the stretch is equal parts arousing and painful. “Shhh,” Johnny whispers. 

Jaehyun is trembling as Johnny continues to finger him open so slowly, pushing his one finger back and forth in a practiced motion. 

“More,” Jaehyun begs, gripping the backs of his thighs and holding his legs up, he feels himself sweating with lust, feels himself desperate for Johnny’s touch. Johnny nods and pushes two fingers in, stretching Jaehyun open. He gasps at the feeling, consumed with lust. Johnny curls his fingers up and—

“Ugh, fuck!” Jaehyun shouts, chest heaving. He looks down at his cock and how it’s resting painfully hard against his abdomen. His body is shooting pain up and down his sides, chest heaving. “Stop, stop,” Jaehyun grits out. “Ugh—fuck you,” his aggression says, even though he wants Johnny to keep going.

Jaehyun is grateful Johnny knows exactly what he means, and soon enough feels his big hands splayed out wide over his torso, pulling and pinching and marking up his skin everywhere. Jaehyun knows his chest is gonna be a mess when this is over, knows his body is going to be covered in marks. 

_Like a claim_ , he thinks, _like a fucking claim_. 

The thought turns him on more than it should, starts fireworks in his eyes when it should have him running for the hills. 

Johnny works three fingers inside Jaehyun now, who is a gasping fucking mess on the bed. He keeps thrusting his hips up, trying to find friction on his body, to no avail. He meets Johnny’s gaze who’s looking like ever the sadist. Johnny curls his fingers up against Jaehyun’s prostate again—just right—and Jaehyun feels his back arch so harshly he lets out a pained yelp.

“Fuck!” he screams, “Again, _fuck_ ,” his voice breaks out into a moan. Johnny is flooding the air with so many overpowering dominating pheromones, Jaehyun feels like if he wasn’t so turned on by it he’d be choking on the scent. Johnny is possessive, and territorial. Jaehyun feels his heart beat  loudly in his ears.

“I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready,” Jaehyun screeches, voice strained. “Fuck me now, fuck me right now.”

Johnny  removes his fingers and Jaehyun whines at the loss. Johnny looks at him fiercely and asks, “Do you have a condom?”

Jaehyun shudders, it truly is becoming more and more real. “N-no,” he says, “we don’t need one.” 

Johnny looks at him surprised, and flashes a sharp smile. “Are you sure?” 

“Fuck,” Jaehyun groans, “yeah, I’m sure.” 

Johnny bites his lip and nods his head. He pours more lube onto his hand so he can spread it over his cock, and then lines himself up nicely with Jaehyun. 

“Last chance to back out,” Johnny says, and Jaehyun covers his eyes. 

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” he says softly, “no matter what happens, I want this.” He takes a deep breath, “Do it.” 

Johnny pushes himself in without any preamble and Jaehyun feels the wind get knocked out of him. The first sensation that overcomes him is the sense of wrongness that fills his body. There should _not_ be anything inside him, he needs to push Johnny away, he needs to fight back again, he needs, he needs—

He unleashed an unholy growl right in Johnny’s face, teeth bared and spit flying. But Johnny seems to anticipate it and counters it with well timed thrust after another, and Jaehyun’s eyes roll in the back of his head as Johnny fucks the instinct right out of him. He hovers over Jaehyun’s body, thrusts relentless, pulling Jaehyun’s legs over his shoulders as he continues his fast pace. He pins Jaehyun’s arms down above his head, arms stuck in an iron grip. Johnny bends down and kisses Jaehyun, forcing his mouth open with his tongue.

“You’re so good to me,” Johnny says, breathless. Jaehyun’s lower back is on fire from how he’s bent in half, but he can’t stop how turned on he is. Drool comes out the side of his mouth and he feels Johnny swipe his tongue over the spit, licking his face clean.

“No other alpha would do this,” Johnny continues, fucking into Jaehyun, “no other alpha would ever let themselves be spread out and open—be begging,” he thrusts harder.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun whines, his eyes glossy. Johnny bends down lower and leaves a trail of bites across Jaehyun’s pecs. “You’re so hot, Jae,” he says, sucking one of Jaehyun’s nipples into his mouth. Jaehyun thrusts up weakly with his hips, but his grunt falls into a moan. Johnny lets go of Jaehyun’s arms and he immediately tangles them in Johnny’s hair, pulling his face forward so he can kiss Johnny back.

“You,” Jaehyun breathes against Johnny’s lips, “only you, only you,” his voice is scratchy and full of emotion. Jaehyun stares deeply into Johnny’s eyes as he fucks him, feels the air in his lungs burn as Johnny kisses it out of him. His abdomen clenches with Johnny’s powerful thrusts, hips moving in tandem with him. 

“Fuck,” Johnny says, and he nuzzles his face against Jaehyun’s chest. He can feel the way Johnny leaves more bite marks on his body, more scratches down his side. Jaehyun feels truly and utterly wrecked by the man above him. He finds himself averting his gaze from Johnny and glancing at the ceiling, and in a far off corner of his mind he remembers the idea of installing a mirror above his bed. Jaehyun lets out a loose chuckle.

“What’s funny?” Johnny asks, and this time he switches his thrusts, going slow and deep. Jaehyun can feel the beginnings of Johnny’s knot touching against his rim, and the pressure is _incredible_ against his hot skin.

“Thinking about a mirror—ugh, fuck—above my bed,” Jaehyun gasps out.

“You’d like that, I bet,” Johnny’s voice is husky and sensuous, “that way you could watch how I fuck you, you could ride me—even better—and see the way you look on my knot.” 

That brazen, delicious mental image is enough to push Jaehyun over the edge. He comes messily, all over his stomach, and Johnny takes the opportunity to grip Jaehyun’s knot tightly in his hand.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jaehyun whines, and realizes there are tears leaking out of his eyes.

He looks up at Johnny who is still shallowly thrusting into him, knot just pushing against his rim.

“Knot me,” Jaehyun pleads, “Johnny, Johnny, _alpha_ , knot me.”

“Jae _hyun_ ,” Johnny’s voice cracks, “Jaehyun what the fuck—”

He can’t stop looking into Johnny’s eyes. It’s easy, he thinks, just as easy as it was when he told Johnny to hit him. As easy as breathing. As easy as loving. Because he knows Johnny would never hurt him. When the dust settles and the smoke clears… Jaehyun knows all that will remain is the way Johnny’s body feels against his, the way his hand feels against his chest—

The way the bracelet feels less like a claim, and more like a promise. 

That future together, that American diner in Itaewon, speaking English—just the two of them—their own secret language, their own secret happiness. Jaehyun starts full on sobbing, riding the wave of emotions that keep flooding his senses. He’s never felt so happy. He’s never felt so _content_. 

It’s easy of course, for Jaehyun to do the next step. 

He bares his neck at Johnny and says, “bite me.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Johnny groans, “Jae—Jae are you sure?”

Jaehyun nods, tears spilling from his eyes. He knows he must look like a mess, but the way Johnny looks at him, like he’s so fucking precious—Jaehyun feels spit dribble out of the side of his mouth again. 

“Your words,” Johnny chides.

“Bite me,” Jaehyun says, calming himself down with a deep breath, and trying to reel the tears back in. He feels so confident in himself, voice never wavering, “Knot me, too,” he adds. He knows an alpha can’t actually claim another alpha—not the way they claim omegas—but the way that Johnny’s teeth marks will look in the skin of his neck, the way the bruise will branch out and color his whole shoulder dark purple—

That’s as big as a sign as any could be.

_He’s Johnny’s._ “No one else,” Jaehyun repeats from earlier, “no one fucking else,” he says, and bares his neck along with his soul again.

“You’re fucking amazing,” Johnny says, as he breathes against Jaehyun’s neck, “you’re fucking beautiful,” he intones, as he kisses the skin of Jaehyun’s neck before sinking his teeth into soft flesh, while fucking his knot into Jaehyun at the same time. Jaehyun feels his back arch off the bed and his eyes swim in fragments. There is pain all over his body, but there is also _Johnny._ Nothing but Johnny.

Jaehyun lets out one soft whimper as Johnny continues fucking shallowly into him, whispering sweet nothings against the skin of Jaehyun’s neck, nibbling on his ear. “You’re perfect, you’re perfect, you’re perfect,” Johnny says, “mine, mine, mine,” he repeats. Soon enough he comes, deep inside Jaehyun’s body and in his heart.

Jaehyun’s never felt so full in his life.

They lay together, tied and panting, sweat and breath co-mingling together in the silence that follows. Johnny cups Jaehyun’s cheek in one hand softly, and presses his lips to Jaehyun’s face, feather light. He holds Jaehyun close as his knot locks them together. Jaehyun is panting hard still, fresh off his orgasm, mind fuzzy from how good it feels. The fight is long gone. The instinct to reach back and claw at Johnny died the moment Jaehyun bared his neck. He feels safe in Johnny’s arms, with his big hands rubbing against his cheek. It’s awkward how they’re positioned, but Johnny does his best to make Jaehyun feel comfortable—to feel loved.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun says, and he starts wiping his face, feeling fresh tears fall. He feels so overwhelmed.

“Hey, shh, shh, don’t cry,” Johnny says, and he grabs the edge of the blanket that isn’t dirty and uses it to wipe Jaehyun’s face. He leans down for good measure and licks Jaehyun’s cheeks, covering him in his scent. 

“I’m going to smell like you,” Jaehyun says in a daze, eyes still shiny, but feeling much better under Johnny’s gentle touch.

“Good,” Johnny says, eyes dark and wanting. He leans down to kiss Jaehyun again, and Jaehyun goes willingly. They kiss for so long Jaehyun feels like his lungs are on fire, like Johnny is stealing all his air all over again. He caresses Jaehyun’s face softly, licking at the bite mark on Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“You really let me,” Johnny says quietly.

“I did,” Jaehyun confirms.

“There is no one out there like you,” Johnny replies, rubbing his hands up and down Jaehyun’s sides.

Jaehyun chuckles, blushing. “There’s no one out there like you, too.” They share a soft smile in the companionable silence, Johnny running his hands soothingly through Jaehyun’s hair. He can feel the adrenaline wearing off and all the aches and pains coming to the forefront of his mind one after another. 

“Ugh,” Jaehyun groans, “my back.”

Johnny does laugh, but only a little bit.

Soon enough, he can feel Johnny’s knot starting to go down inside him. Jaehyun has half a mind to ask Johnny to fuck him again, before the loudest door slam he’s ever heard reverberates throughout the room. They pull apart quickly and look at each other, stunned.

“Wha—” Jaehyun starts, but is immediately cut off by the sounds of Jungwoo’s voice, yelling at a perilous octave. 

“Oh fuck,” Jaehyun says, trying to pull himself out of the bed. Johnny’s knot is smaller now, but he still has trouble trying to yank himself off of it to run outside and help.  

“You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Johnny says, but Jaehyun shakes his head. The muffled yelling only seems to increase in volume, and now Jaehyun can hear Doyoung’s voice joining the fray. Looks like he and Johnny’s post-sex cuddle is now cut short, and Jaehyun feels sad thinking about having to get his body out of this bed and into the chaos. He is terrified to run out there, looking like this, but his friends need him. Jungwoo’s voice is getting more and more strained as he keeps yelling, and Jaehyun can barely understand the words being shouted as he finally pulls himself off of Johnny, a pained gasp escaping his lips. He haphazardly picks up some sweatpants and a t-shirt from the floor and throws them on his body, turning around back to Johnny and telling him, “Please, just stay here.” 

Jaehyun runs out of his room, full speed.

“I’m so fucking sick of your bullshit, Doyoung!” Jungwoo yells, and Jaehyun can see the tear tracks on his face. “Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you!” Jaehyun stands near the edge of the hallway where the bedrooms are, while the others are fighting in the living room, closer to the dining area.

“I just—He didn’t even—” Doyoung stutters out, and Jaehyun realizes he equally looks like just as big of a mess as Jungwoo does. They’re both drunk, Jaehyun figures, with the way that Doyoung is standing on shaky feet, while Jungwoo looks two seconds from falling apart. Granted, Jaehyun doesn’t know whether or not Jungwoo’s shakiness is due to the alcohol or fear that seems to permeate the air like a drug. He whips his head around and notices Taeyong pulling Jungwoo’s arm, who keeps continually shrugging him off. Yuta is trying to get Doyoung to calm down, but it seems to be of no avail.

“He was into me,” Jungwoo seethes, and Jaehyun realizes they’re so into their fight they haven’t noticed him yet. The entire front of the house smells like a pheromone bomb just went off. 

“No he wasn’t!” Doyoung snaps, and shrugs out of Yuta’s grip. “You just think he was.”

“I fucking know he was you piece of shit!” Jungwoo paces away from Taeyong and gets up close in Doyoung’s face. “Why is it that when another alpha shows interest in me, genuine fucking interest, you lose your mind, huh? Why the fuck did you think growling at a complete and total stranger was a good idea, huh? Are you fucking stupid?”

“Because you’re mine!” Doyoung rears back, voice shaking, and Jungwoo inhales a sharp breath.

_Oh._

Jaehyun looks at all of his friends, and it seems they’re all also in similar states of shock. Doyoung isn’t making eye contact with anyone anymore, Jungwoo’s mouth is wide open, and Yuta and Taeyong are now looking at each other in disbelief.

“No,” Jungwoo murmurs out, voice brittle. “You don’t get to say things like that to me.”

Doyoung looks up from the ground, eyes sparkling. “But I mean it.”

“No,” Jungwoo repeats, “you can’t.” He paces away from Doyoung and Jaehyun steps closer into the foray. “I have loved you for _years_ ,” Jungwoo says, “waiting in the fucking wings for you to notice me, waiting for you to even consider a beta bitch like me, right? Just because your relationship with Ten didn’t work out doesn’t mean you can use me as a last resort.”

“It didn’t work out because I never wanted him,” Doyoung pleads, and grabs Jungwoo’s hand gently, “I—I’ve wanted you.”

“You have a really fucking funny way of showing it,” Jungwoo swipes his hand out of Doyoung’s grip and it is in this moment that Jungwoo notices Jaehyun.

“Jae,” he says, and suddenly all eyes are on him. Jungwoo rushes to Jaehyun who automatically greets him with open arms. “What happened to you?” Jungwoo asks. Jaehyun is about to open his mouth to answer when— 

“What the fuck do you think happened to him?” Doyoung says, and Jaehyun feels the bile in his throat. Doyoung stalks closer to Jaehyun, and Jungwoo turns around and puts his body in between them. Doyoung grabs Jaehyun by the shirt collar, too quick for Jungwoo to defend, grips him by the back of his neck. The feeling leaves him sickly, not unlike the way Johnny makes him feel when he does the same motion.

“You fucking reek of an alpha,” Doyoung says.

“Oh my god,” comes Yuta’s small voice, and in that instance Jaehyun watches as Yuta’s eyes avoid his gaze. All at once, the adrenaline coursing through Jaehyun’s body from hearing the shouts of his friends in danger diminishes. He feels completely sore all over, his back, his legs, and his torso all bruised and beaten. His breath starts coming out in shallow puffs, his mind starts feeling foggy.

“Let go of me,” Jaehyun says, but his voice is weak, as his anxiety ramps up. Doyoung pulls at the collar of Jaehyun’s shirt, exposing the huge purple bruise of the bite mark on his neck. 

Doyoung lets Jaehyun’s neck go and he loses his balance, falling to the floor.

“You fucking let him _bite_ you?” Doyoung yells, and the disgust is clear in his tone. “You let him fucking own you like that?” He looks at Jaehyun with sharp, pitiful eyes. 

“Hey fuck off,” Jungwoo says, stepping in between them again, but Doyoung is in a drunken alpha rage, and merely pushes Jungwoo to the side. 

“You’re disgusting,” he says, pressing his foot against Jaehyun’s leg, and up this close, Jaehyun can clearly smell the alcohol rolling off Doyoung in waves. Jaehyun feels exposed, he feels scared.

“Did you—did he… oh my god,” Yuta says, and Jaehyun looks up at him before realizing that his gray pants are showing a dark spot on the back, clearly from where Johnny’s cum is slowly leaking out of him. “I—I can’t look at you right now, I’m sorry,” Yuta says, and turns away. Taeyong fires daggers at Yuta’s back, before rushing down to Jaehyun’s side, trying to get him to control his breathing.

“You’re okay,” Taeyong says, “you’re gonna be okay,” he runs a soft hand through Jaehyun’s hair.

“You let him fucking knot you!” Doyoung shouts, and Yuta has now switched to trying to pull Doyoung away, while avoiding looking at Jaehyun. “You’re a waste of an alpha? A fucking disgusting piece of shit!”

“No,” Jaehyun says, but his voice is so small, his hands cannot stop shaking.

“I bet you wanted it, huh? I bet you fucking begged for it, didn’t you?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Jungwoo shouts, this time physically pushing Doyoung back hard enough that he stumbles. 

“Fuck you, bitch!” Doyoung shouts, before shaking his head, “No that’s not—”

“That is exactly what you fucking meant!” Jungwoo says, pushing his finger into Doyoung’s chest. “And that’s exactly why I will never fucking be with you!”

Jaehyun looks up at his friends fighting and feels tears prick his eyes. He’s so tired, he feels so drained. His body is protesting against every tiny movement. He wants to go to bed. He wants to sleep. He wants Johnny. Taeyong’s hand in his hair is the only small comfort he feels.

“Why’s that?” Doyoung demands, “you’d rather have a fucking sissy alpha like Jaehyun? Well fuck that! I’d never let another alpha knot me.”

“It isn’t about the fucking knot you prick, it’s about how you’re fucking treating him.” Jungwoo sends a hard glare towards Yuta as well, who looks away in shame as he keeps trying to pull Doyoung away.

“He’s not a fucking alpha! An alpha wouldn’t let himself get knotted.”

“Yes he is,” Taeyong snaps from the floor, “he’s whatever the fuck he is regardless of what kind of person he wants to be with.”

“How can you guys be okay with this? Is it because you’re both not alphas? You don’t fucking get it.” Doyoung crosses his arms. “I pity Jaehyun. I feel bad for him. He’ll never be an alpha. A real alpha.” Doyoung stumbles slightly on his feet. 

“A real alpha,” Jaehyun repeats softly to himself, voice wavering. The tears at the corners of his eyes overflow, and stream silently down his face. “Johnny…” he whispers softly.

“See?!” Doyoung says, pointing at Jaehyun. “He’s fucking crying. Alpha’s don’t cry. He’s pathetic.” Doyoung pushes past Jungwoo again, putting him out of the way, before stooping low enough to get in Jaehyun’s face. He grips Jaehyun’s chin between two fingers, and forces him to meet his eyes. “You’re a shame,” Doyoung says, hiccupping, and Jaehyun can’t stop crying. “Begging for a fucking alpha,” he shakes his head, “you’re a real shame.” Taeyong pushes Doyoung away, hard enough that he falls back a ways on his ass.

“You’re the pathetic one,” Taeyong seethes, baring his teeth at Doyoung.

“Oh now the bitch omega wants to challenge me?”

“You’re drunk, Dons,” Yuta says, pulling Doyoung by the arm and dragging him across the floor, “just shut the fuck up and stop talking.”

“You’ve gotten too soft,” Doyoung says, from the ground, “you’re a pity too.”

“I will never fucking be with you,” Jungwoo spits out, “I can’t believe I loved you for years.”

“Hey—”

Jungwoo waves him off, “This behavior, right here, is exactly why I can’t be with you. I may fucking love you but I can _never_ be with you.” Jungwoo furiously wipes the tears from his face. “You’re a piece of shit, Doyoung,” he says with finality, before turning away and leaving to his room.

“Johnny…” Jaehyun calls softly again, from the ground.

Jaehyun looks at Doyoung who’s glaring daggers at him. His eyes are tinged red, fists curled at his sides in the wake of Jungwoo’s rejection. Doyoung has never looked so pissed off in his life. “Calling for your savior, huh?” He says, getting back up on wobbly feet.

“Stop,” Yuta says, pulling on Doyoung’s arm who just largely shrugs him off. 

“Crying like a bitch, leaking like a bitch, begging like a bitch,” Doyoung says, pressing his foot again against Jaehyun’s thigh. “What would it take to break an alpha like you? Not much I bet,” Doyoung presses down harder, “you’ve been begging for Johnny’s knot since that first fucking night.” Doyoung gives him a look of pure hatred. “You’ve probably been begging for an alpha’s knot since college,” he murmurs, “maybe I should’ve fucked you back then, too. That would’ve made all those bitches who called _me_ the sissy alpha change their fucking mind.”

“Shut up,” Jaehyun says weakly, through the haze of tears, “shut up, shut up, shut up!” 

“Taking down an alpha like you…” Doyoung mutters, and his foot presses harder against Jaehyun’s thigh. 

He can’t take it anymore. 

“Johnny!” Jaehyun yells out, voice hoarse and broken, “Johnny!” he screams. 

“What the fucks he gonna do?” Doyoung says, snorting. 

“Johnny,” Jaehyun cries weakly, before a feeling like a gust of wind blows right past him. Jaehyun looks up and sure enough sees Johnny holding Doyoung by the throat, roughly against the wall. 

“You’re pathetic,” he says, and his voice is gruff and deep, leaking alpha dominance everywhere, blanketing everything in his scent alone. Doyoung coughs under Johnny’s smell and his hands. He flings Doyoung towards Yuta’s direction, who stumbles to catch him. 

“Take him for a fucking walk,” Johnnys tone brokers no argument. “And bring him back home when he’s acting less like a fucking dickhead.” 

Yuta nods frantically. “Yes s—Johnny,” he says, stumbling over his words. He pulls Doyoung up roughly and bodies him out of the front door, closing it gently behind him. 

“I’ve got you,” Johnny says. Jaehyun looks up and meets his eyes. He watches Johnny turn to Taeyong and whisper something to him. Taeyong pats Jaehyun’s head one more time before bidding them goodnight. “Come on, baby,” Johnny says, and Jaehyun automatically lifts his arms up for Johnny to carry him. He scoops him up easily and Jaehyun snuggles into Johnny’s chest on the way to his room. Johnny deposits him on the bed softly, grabbing some wipes to clean up Jaehyun’s face. 

They sit in silence for a while as Johnny meticulously cleans Jaehyun up. “You need to shower,” he says softly, but Jaehyun shakes his head. He doesn’t want to leave his room right now. 

“Come on,” Johnny murmurs softly, “you’ll feel gross in the morning.”

“No,” Jaehyun says, turning over and trying to snuggle into the blankets. He’s noticed that they smell fresh and clean and realizes that Johnny must’ve changed the bedsheets during the fight. 

“Do you want me to wash you?” Johnny asks, and even the suggestion sends butterflies in Jaehyun’s stomach. But his gut doesn’t clench anymore. His throat doesn’t fill with bile. Every instinct that would have told him to fight against Johnny is gone.

“Yes,” he says easily and Johnny nods, carrying him to the shower. 

He makes quick work of washing Jaehyun, who is too far gone to care about feeling ashamed. So Jaehyun closes his eyes and relaxes under the warm pressure of the water and Johnny’s hands. Soon enough, he feels the softness of sheets beneath his skin, a small kiss on his cheek, and his mind fade into the wonderful, pleasant feeling of sleep.

***

When Jaehyun wakes up the next morning it is to a raging headache, and quite possibly the worst case of sore throat he’s ever felt in his life. He escapes out of his bed and runs straight to the toilet, dry heaving into the bowl. He pukes up something, but not much, and feels the blood pulse beneath his skin.

“Did you drink water?” a voice calls from the doorway, and Jaehyun looks up to be met with Yuta’s face. He scoffs. 

“Go away,” he struggles to say, before dry heaving into the toilet bowl again.

“You cried a lot,” Yuta says, stepping into the bathroom slowly.

“I’m very fucking aware of that.” Jaehyun turns away from him.

“I deserved that.”

“Preach to the choir,” Jaehyun bites out, feeling particularly bitter. He feels a hand tug on his arm and is sick enough that his body can’t muster up enough energy to give resistance. He moves into Yuta’s space while he shoves a giant cup of water in Jaehyun’s face.

“Drink,” Yuta says, tipping the cup towards Jaehyun’s mouth. He’s exhausted enough to comply, while still giving Yuta the stink eye.

“I thought you couldn’t fucking look at me?” Jaehyun bites out, after draining the cup of water.

Yuta at least has the shame to avert his gaze. Jaehyun is viscerally reminded that he isn’t wearing a shirt, and thus, all the marks and scratches, all the splotches of bruises Johnny left on his body are entirely visible. 

“I deserved that too,” Yuta says. “I cant.. I can’t give you an excuse that justifies me—what I did.” 

“Yeah,” Jaehyun agrees, now sitting on the bathroom floor. 

“I’m just sorry.”

Jaehyun nods and gets up off the floor on wobbly legs, pushing past Yuta to make his way back to his bedroom. When he walks inside, Johnny is laying on the bed, hand supporting his head. He looks at Jaehyun with a glimmer in his eyes, and suddenly all the irritation in Jaehyun’s mind fades away. 

“Hey stranger,” Johnny says, curling two fingers at Jaehyun, calling him over. 

Jaehyun smiles wide and joins Johnny on the bed, snuggling up close to him. He doesn’t feel any pain in his mind. In fact, his chest feels feather light. Jaehyun burrows himself closer to Johnny, without shame. 

“Yuta apologized to me,” he says and feels conflicted. 

Johnny runs a soft hand through his hair, letting Jaehyun collect his thoughts. 

“He said he couldn’t look at me.”

“I’m not defending him,” Johnny states, “but I know these things take time.” 

Jaehyun nods his head, curling himself into Johnny's warm. They lay there on Jaehyun’s bed for a while, basking in each other’s presence, both content in the silence that follows. Johnny’s fingers card through Jaehyun’s hair, and the repetitive motion breeds a sense of serenity. Jaehyun sighs and pushes himself out of the bed. “I’m hungry,” he says, steeling himself, “let’s go get breakfast.” 

Johnny gives him a look and Jaehyun shrugs. He’s hungry, he’s tired, and all the fight that existed in him hours ago has melted away. Now Jaehyun doesn’t care about what happens when he exits his bedroom door. All he wants is a fucking sandwich to eat. 

“I’m ready when you are,” he fires back, but gives Johnny a soft smile.

“At least put on a shirt,” Johnny says, eyes twinkling. Jaehyun laughs as he throws one on and grips Johnny’s hand in his tightly. The bracelet is still there, in all its shining glory, and for once in Jaehyun’s life, he doesn’t think anything of it. He feels a sense of pride instead. 

He lets Johnny’s hand go as he opens his bedroom door, and walks out into the lion’s den. 

***

The days pass by after that and things more or less slot together in finality. Jaehyun knows that whatever happens now is how it might always be, and he is fine with discovering contentment in the silver linings of his situation. The snow has really started to make the rest of the neighborhood blanketed in the chill, but the way Johnny’s hand feels in his when they’re alone together is stronger than any fireplace could be. With New Year’s just days away, Jaehyun wants to celebrate. 

“We should go out,” he says at once, to Yuta who is currently shoving three servings of oatmeal into his mouth. Things between them have started to progress better again, and Jaehyun’s learned to roll with it. Yuta, on the other hand, felt awful for days, and Jaehyun let him feel awful for as long as he could before he himself broke down and gave Yuta a hug. He only started tearing up against Jaehyun’s shoulder when he could no longer see him, and quickly dabbed right after through the tears. 

“It’s one thing for you to ignore me,” Yuta had said, “but it’s another when it’s Johnny.” He wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

“Oh?” Jaehyun asked.

“You try doing payroll for 300 employees by yourself with no reprieve because your coworker has to keep taking ‘bathroom’ breaks in between.” Yuta didn't even speak with malice, because he knew he deserved every bit of that. 

“I just,” Yuta had continued, “Please let me explain myself.”

Jaehyun nodded.

“I think that night, seeing you like that… it made everything so real.” Yuta had looked away in shame. “It was one thing to imagine you with Johnny, it was another thing to see the reality.”

Jaehyun had accepted Yuta’s words at face value, remembering Johnny’s words from before echo in his head. _These things take time_.

“Ever since he had spent the night over, I was being weird… I’m sorry.” They sat together in silence, Jaehyun processing Yuta’s words. “I’m gonna be better for you,” Yuta had finished quietly, and all Jaehyun could do was hug him fiercely.

“Besides,” Yuta added, trying to break the tension, “Johnny’s cold shoulder is so much harsher than yours,” Jaehyun rolled his eyes.

They fell back into their easy pattern again after that, and now they’re here together, a messy breakfast two days from New Year’s Eve, trying to contemplate what to do. 

“The last time we went out that went _so_ well,” Yuta rolls his eyes, Jaehyun is brought out of his memories with a chuckle, thinking about how that last night they all hung out went.

“For me it did,” Jaehyun winks, giggling, and Yuta shudders. 

“I know you have like… a boyfriend now? Is that what you guys are? Must you be so mushy all the time?”

“A boyfriend…” Jaehyun repeats, he fingers the bracelet on his wrist. Did he ever ask Johnny to be with him? Surely he knows, right?

“You’re thinking so hard right now,” Yuta mutters, pushing the oatmeal away. 

“I don’t know if I asked Johnny to be my boyfriend.” 

“Oh Jesus fucking Christ,” Yuta says, banging his head against the table. 

“Good morning,” Jungwoo says, approaching them slowly. “What’s the ruckus?”

“Jaehyun doesn’t know if he asked Johnny to be his boyfriend.”

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Jungwoo laughs. 

“Hey! Don’t make fun!” 

Jungwoo shakes his head and pours himself a bowl of cereal. “A complete fool.”

Jaehyun looks at his two friends as they devolve into a soft conversation, voices staying low pitched for the others who are still sleeping. Jaehyun thinks of Doyoung, who he hasn’t spoken to since Christmas night, and a sad feeling fills his chest. He wants to try… and make things better. But he doesn’t know if he can honestly withstand another bout of Doyoung’s tirade, or another bout of being ignored. He’s reaching his wits end here, reaching and slowly closing in on the end of his rope. Quite frankly, they haven’t really seen Doyoung much for days, since he keeps disappearing at night time claiming he’s got ‘business’ to attend too. Jaehyun knows for a fact that Doyoung isn’t hanging out with Ten anymore, so he finds himself left to wonder what his friend is doing while he’s sneaking around, while a more bitter more of him doesn’t even want to care.

Doyoung hasn’t even said _I’m sorry_. 

But of course, the soft part of Jaehyun continuously wins out, and he finds himself needing to know, even at the cost of his own hurt. 

“How’s Doyoung?” Jaehyun blurts out before he can stop himself, voice also pitched softly. 

“Fine,” Jungwoo answers first, much to Jaehyun’s surprise. “He’s just… you know.”

“Yeah I do,” Jaehyun replies, “but how is he really? He was… drunk off his ass that night.” 

“Honestly he’s terrible,” Jungwoo chuckles, but it doesn’t sound sour to Jaehyun’s ears, just sad. “He has so much… to work through.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun agrees, and they stay silent for a while. On one hand, Jaehyun’s glad  that at least Jungwoo and Doyoung are talking again, on some level. He isn’t entirely sure how that happened, and he knows that’s because he’s spent so much time with Johnny in the ensuing days after Christmas. Maybe once things calm down, Jaehyun figures he’ll ask Jungwoo how everything went.

“For New Years Eve, I was thinking we could all go to the park maybe? Just the one here in our neighborhood?” Yuta suggests with a shrug.

“Sounds like fun to me,” Jungwoo says, “We might actually get to see our neighbors for once.”

“God, too true,” Jaehyun laughs, “I think I’ve only ever met Mr. Kim once.”

“That’s because he’s terrifying,” Yuta replies.

“Fair enough,” Jaehyun shrugs. They finish the rest of their breakfast in relative silence, Jaehyun’s mind still lost in thought. He’s grateful that Jungwoo seems to be doing a lot better. And he’s much more grateful for the promise of social interaction outside of his immediate friendship circle. It’s time he got himself a little out there again. 

But most importantly, he is so grateful to have Johnny in his life. 

“I’ll be going out today,” Jaehyun announces, after washing the dishes. Taeyong had made his way out of the room a little bit earlier, and is now laying horizontal on the couch, bundled in blankets. Jaehyun thinks he’s fallen back to sleep again.

“Hot date?” Jungwoo says, winking.

“The hottest,” Jaehyun laughs, and tries not to blush.

“Keep it down,” Yuta says, “your _in love_ face is awful.”

Jaehyun sticks his tongue out and Yuta who replies back in kind.

Later that night, in the movie theater on their date, Jaehyun grabs Johnny’s hand in his. He laces their fingers together, even though he knows they’re probably covered in popcorn butter, and just holds his hand. Jaehyun doesn’t even know what’s going on in the movie anymore—the pictures just passing by his eyes in a blend of multicolors. Johnny’s hand in his feels warm and safe. Jaehyun holds his hand throughout the rest of the movie, and all the way out of the theater, late into the night, in the parking lot.

 “I think I’m in love with you,” Jaehyun blurts out, mouth running faster than his mind. He steps back in shock, dropping Johnny’s hand, gasping. “Oh my god I said that out loud,” Jaehyun covers his eyes.

“I think we’ve finally caught up,” Johnny replies, picking up Jaehyun’s hand and lacing their fingers together once more. “I love you too,” he says softly. He doesn’t kiss Jaehyun, because they’re in public, and Jaehyun is overcome with emotion at the gesture, knowing Johnny is doing it for his sake, knowing Johnny is trying to make Jaehyun as comfortable as possible. He smiles.

_Fuck that,_ Jaehyun thinks, and grips Johnny by the back of the neck, pulling him into a messy kiss, right against the back of the car, under the parking lot street lamp, where anyone could see. 

***

“Hi Mr. Kim,” Jaehyun says, and a man who looks like a Korean Mister Rogers steps forward and shakes his hand. 

“I’ve told you countless times, call me Junmyeon,” he replies.

“Right, haha, great one Mr. Kim! Glad to see you here.”

“More like we’re glad to see you here, stranger,” Mr. Kim laughs, “do try to come out and join our neighborhood parties every once in a while,” he nods, “I promise we don’t bite!” 

Jaehyun nods, “We’ll keep that in mind, Mr. K—Junmyeon,” he corrects himself. Mr. Kim walks away with a breeze in his step, to go and greet everyone else in the neighborhood that he apparently knows by name. Jaehyun shudders, _extroverts_.  

For the most part, the New Year’s Eve party that the neighborhood is hosting is a nice and serene family affair, filled with laughing children, grumpy teenagers, stressed adults, and the kind-of-adults-but-not- _really_ category _—_ the one Jaehyun and all his friends seem to fit in near seamlessly. They’re sitting at a table right now, snacking on some chopped up fruit one of the moms brought, just waiting until New Year’s comes along. Jaehyun is sitting with Jungwoo, Yuta, Taeyong and Johnny. Doyoung was supposed to show up a few hours back, but Jaehyun isn’t really holding out much hope for his presence these days.

“So,” Jaehyun says, ready to stir the pot, “Doyoung?”

“He said he had some last minute things to attend too?” Yuta pipes up, and they all nod. Jaehyun wishes he could sit next to Johnny, but he knows they can’t. Not here. He clenches his fist, thinking about the warmth of Johnny’s fingers in his. 

“But he’ll be here, right?” Jaehyun presses. It has been a couple days, and it hasn’t gotten better, but Jaehyun’s also determined not to make it worse. When he sees Doyoung, he’s gonna yank him by the fucking hair and make him speak. Even if he has to do it kicking and screaming. “I need to talk to him,” Jaehyun adds, just to let everyone know.

“Don’t kill him?” Yuta says, eyes a little wide, “well… he deserves it but you know…”

“Nah, he deserves it,” Jungwoo seconds, holding up his glass in cheers. Jaehyun rolls his eyes. They pass the night with more banter and laughs, tossing back embarrassing story after another as they recap the whole year. Jaehyun still can’t believe it. He figures it feels like longer than a year, dragging in some parts—but speeding up in so many others. He nurses his beer slowly, zoning slightly out of the conversation to focus his eyes on Johnny’s side profile. His jaw is cutting from this angle, where he’s facing towards Yuta and Taeyong as they both act out the last escapade of their workplace nonsense. Johnny’s got a hand that comes up to cover his mouth every now and then, to keep his boisterous laughter in. Jaehyun smiles and nudges his foot under the table. 

“Stop doing that,” Jaehyun says, and Johnny looks at him with bright eyes.

“Doing what?”

“Covering your mouth when you laugh,” he mutters, “I love seeing your big smile.”

Johnny rolls his eyes while Yuta fake gags beside them. Jaehyun smirks, running his foot up the inside of Johnny’s jean-clad leg. It’s enough to get Johnny to give him a heated look, but it is also a loving touch in an environment where they can’t openly express their affection for each other. One day, Jaehyun hopes, as he glances down to look at the bracelet he hasn’t once taken off since Christmas. _One day._

“Hey,” a voice comes from the other side of them, pulling all of their attention towards it.

“Doyoung, you made it!” Yuta says, and Doyoung smiles awkwardly, hiding his face by looking away. “It’s only like,” Yuta glances down at his watch, “well, Jesus, it’s nearly ten in the evening.”

“I had… some stuff to do,” Doyoung says sheepishly, and he fidgets, Jaehyun notices and can feel the awkwardness rolling off Doyoung in waves. He takes a seat down near Yuta and is quick to jump into the foray, albeit a bit haphazardly. The conversation generally goes back to normal, except Doyoung keeps glancing towards Jaehyun and then looking away, biting his lip as if on the verge of trying to think of something to say, before avoiding his gaze altogether. Jaehyun’s feeling a bit more puzzled, a bit more confused, because Doyoung doesn’t look like he wants to fight, he looks… _ashamed_.

To be honest, Jaehyun didn’t think Doyoung was capable of feeling shame. But with the way he keeps pursing his lips and softly avoiding Jaehyun’s gaze… maybe he thinks, even the worst people can change, too.

“Hey,” Jaehyun speaks up once there’s a lull in conversation, and they all look up towards him. “Can I talk to you?” he levels a gaze at Doyoung. Jaehyun expects him to fight or to deny him. He expects Doyoung to not even give him a choice. Instead, Doyoung nods quickly and says, “Y-yeah, I need to speak with you too.” Johnny runs his foot up Jaehyun’s calf in a comforting gesture, and Jaehyun smiles at him. Yuta gives him a look, something along the lines of _please do not square up in the fucking Children’s Park_ to which Jaehyun just smiles. He and Doyoung get up off the chairs and away from the little party. They’re much closer to the swingsets on the playground side, so Doyoung takes a seat on the swing and Jaehyun follows. They rock back and forth on their own swings for a while, the sound of the rusty and squeaky metal chains the only noise. Jaehyun knows this will go one of two ways. Either Doyoung will tell him he can’t take his and Johnny’s relationship and they’ll actually fist fight for real, or. Or _something else_. Jaehyun hasn’t actually allowed himself to consider another outcome.

“I joined group therapy,” Doyoung blurts out into the silence, and Jaehyun almost falls off the tiny chair of the swing.

“Group what?” he says inelegantly.

“Therapy,” Doyoung repeats, and he has the most pained expression on his face, like it hurts his alpha pride to admit to weakness. It probably does, Jaehyun realizes, coming to terms with the epiphany that Doyoung processes all emotions through the haze of being an alpha, sees the world through a lens tinged in red, where the only possible outcome really _is_ to fight or die trying.

He casts a glance at Doyoung who is fidgeting in his seat on the swing, vehemently avoiding Jaehyun’s gaze. Jaehyun feels sorry for Doyoung, for all the shit he had to go through in college, for all the crap he had to deal with that made him end up this way. Bottled in and boxed into what he thinks an alpha _has_ to be, the mold he feels so desperately conditioned to form himself into. Jaehyun thinks, all in all, being an alpha is really stupid. 

He pities his friend, but not unkindly. If Doyoung wants to help himself, then Jaehyun will be here to offer support. He knows it sounds stupid, but if there’s even the smallest chance that Doyoung wants to try and fix his shit… then all Jaehyun has to do is sit back and let it happen.

“I’m glad you trust me enough to confide in me,” Jaehyun says softly, after a beat of silence, voice neutral. 

Doyoung doesn’t reply but Jaehyun thinks this entire conversation is a step in the right direction.

“It’s just been one real session so far,” Doyoung continues, “but… it was good.” His voice trails off into the winter air. He sighs, still trying to collect his thoughts, and Jaehyun gives Doyoung all the time in the world. He wonders if everyone back at their table thinks they’re rolling each other out on the snow, and ponders the merits of seeing Yuta frantically running over here at the first shout of a fight. The thought makes Jaehyun laugh to himself. He already knows even if it truly came to blows, he wouldn’t hit Doyoung. Sitting here on the swingset with him has been more than Jaehyun thought he would get. 

“I’m not with Ten, if you were wondering,” Doyoung continues his jumble of thoughts, and Jaehyun hums in response. “We were talking a lot about… our opinions,” he pauses, “but I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said about Jungwoo. It hurt me too… I couldn’t really figure out why until… yeah. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.” Doyoung shrugs and Jaehyun turns towards him. 

“It matters to me if it matters to you,” Jaehyun says softly, and Doyoung gives him this look like he can’t believe the words coming out of Jaehyun’s mouth. He shakes his head. 

“There’s so much I wanna say,” Doyoung starts, “but I just can’t think of the words.”

“We have all the time in the world,” Jaehyun adds, “not just right now but—the future, too.”

“You mean that?” Doyoung turns and gazes at Jaehyun, eyes open. He looks so different when his walls are down, Jaehyun notices, when the tightness around his eyes are gone—when he lets himself be vulnerable.

“I do mean it,” Jaehyun replies, and Doyoung sucks in a deep but shaky breath.

Jaehyun sits back and waits for Doyoung to gather himself.

  “About Christmas,” Doyoung says, “I really was… shitfaced that night… Ten and I had agreed to stop hanging out just a day before. I said… a lot of things… that were uncalled for,” Doyoung does not look at Jaehyun, but looks ahead, into the distance. 

Jaehyun stays silent, letting Doyoung collect his thoughts. Doyoung sighs. “I really do love Jungwoo,” he says softly, “but he was right… I can’t… can’t be with him like this.” He looks towards Jaehyun and half smiles. “I want to be with him. I accept that now. In love with a beta,” Doyoung chuckles to himself, “there’s some irony in there somewhere I think.” He pauses for breath, and turns to face Jaehyun again. “I’m apologizing for my behavior,” he says, and nods, “It’s felt like shit being ignored by everyone these last couple days—weeks if I’m being honest. I hate it.”

Jaehyun nods, offering a small smile, “We miss you.”

Doyoung looks at him and Jaehyun sees a playful smirk on his face, “Maybe I missed you too,” he replies, and his face is still as open as ever.

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. He reaches out his hand tentatively and Doyoung squeezes his fingers before letting go. Doyoung gets a look on his face, before he gets up off the swing and in front of Jaehyun. “Why don’t we fight?” Doyoung asks, waving his hands around, “why didn’t we ever brawl?”

Jaehyun shrugs, “Not much of a fighter… you know that.”

“I insulted you so bad,” Doyoung says, pacing a little in front of Jaehyun, “you could just hit me you know,” he shrugs, “I won’t even hit back.”

Jaehyun looks at his friend and has to hold back a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Doyoung questions, and he does not look amused.

“I’m not going to punch you, Doyoung,” he says softly, still rocking back and forth on the swing, “not every problem needs fists for the solution.”

“Ugh,” Doyoung grumbles, “I’d insult you and call you soft but… maybe you have a point.” He rubs his temples, “God, this is so hard. I’m gonna keep fucking up before I really get it down, alright? Just a fair warning.”

Jaehyun shrugs, “You’re learning,” he gets up off the swing set, “these things take time.” Jaehyun moves closer to Doyoung, “Besides… the moment we sat down here I knew I wasn’t going to hit you, even if you did fight me.”

“Jesus,” Doyoung rolls his eyes, “you’re too good,” he says, but this time his voice isn’t laced with malice or superiority. It almost feels like something close to _awe_. Jaehyun feels warmth in his chest… at the prospect, at the idea. 

Jaehyun laughs. He stretches his legs and arms out, feeling the blood rush in his veins. Soon enough he’s enveloped in a tight hug.

“If you tell anyone I hugged you, I will kick the shit out of you,” Doyoung says, and Jaehyun laughs so hard he feels tears prick his eyes, “As if I’d ever give you the chance,” he says, mimicking the same words he said to Yuta so long ago, before squeezing Doyoung back. It’s a small gesture, and in the grand scheme of things, it might not count for much, but when Jaehyun lets go and he and Doyoung amicably walk back together to the party, both laughing and catching up like it’s old times, Jaehyun thinks the New Year might already be off to a beautiful start.

They spend the rest of the last hour counting down the minutes until January 1st, as everyone else has now gone and sequestered themselves into their little family units in order to spend the first moments together with loved ones.

“So how was it?” Johnny asks, and this time he and Jaehyun are sitting right next to each other, thighs touching. 

“Good,” Jaehyun replies, “I think we’re all gonna be okay.”

Johnny smiles. They have five minutes until the clock hits midnight, and Johnny pulls Jaehyun out of the chair and back towards the playground and swing set. Yuta and Taeyong look on at them, Taeyong offering a smile while Yuta gives a saucy wink. Doyoung and Jungwoo are huddled together and Jaehyun actually feels warmth at the sight, watches how Doyoung’s eyes never avert from Jungwoo’s face, giving him his full attention.

“We can make it there,” Johnny says, and they get to the playground with three minutes to spare.

“What’s going on?” Jaehyun asks, and then soon enough realizes that they’re entirely alone. Johnny picks Jaehyun’s hand up and wraps it in his. He looks Jaehyun in the face, their only source of light the faraway gleam of the party and the shine of the moon. “I can’t predict the future,” Johnny says, squeezing Jaehyun’s fingers, “but I fucking promise you, Jaehyun, I will do everything I can to make us work.”

Jaehyun feels his eyes water, and his heart swell. They’re two alphas, he knows this. And just because his friends have kind of come around, in their own time and their own ways, doesn’t mean the rest of the world will. The fact that he and Johnny couldn’t really sit together tonight—hell, that they have to walk outside the party to so much as hold hands, is proof enough. 

The world is not entirely ready to accept two alphas together. And other alphas aren’t ready to face the inner turmoil that he and Johnny’s relationship would bring. If Jaehyun has to sacrifice public displays of affection in order to keep their small bubble safe, then so be it. Because he and Johnny will navigate this whirlwind of a relationship together.

“I promise you,” Jaehyun says, switching to English, and remembering the day when Johnny said it could be their little secret language. _Just between us, just us two._

Johnny smiles at that.

“We can try,” Jaehyun continues, “But you know I’ll give you my best.”

Johnny grips Jaehyun by the back of the neck. “That’s all I could ask for,” he murmurs, lips ghosting against Jaehyun’s ear. They both glance around quickly, double checking that they’re alone. 

Jaehyun glances at his watch, the screen reading _12:03AM, January 1st._ “Ah shit,” he says, laughing, “we missed it by three minutes.”

Johnny smiles, “I think we were right on time,” he says, closing the gap, and pressing his lips softly to Jaehyun’s, reeling him in. Jaehyun wraps his arms around Johnny’s body, pulling him closer, pulling him tighter to his body. There’s a million thoughts in his head, a million words on the tip of his tongue—but with the way Johnny’s lips feel against his, none of that seems to matter.

Jaehyun pulls back to look into Johnny’s eyes, and sees nothing but unwavering affection there. He wraps his arms around Johnny’s body, bending down a bit to bury his face in Johnny’s jacket, right against his chest. Johnny reciprocates the motion, resting his chin against Jaehyun’s head. “I love you,” Johnny whispers.

And Jaehyun laughs against Johnny, his chest warm, his heart warm, his life— _warm_.

 Jaehyun’s found his home.

  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you sincerely to my betas R and L. you really helped me make something here I could be proud of~
> 
> it's currently 1:30am so if there are any typos... that's all on me 😅
> 
> you can find me on twitter at [jonginsmommy](https://twitter.com/jonginsmommy) I look forward to hearing from you all soon!
> 
> much love,  
> falloutgirl ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked chapter one! please do tell me what you liked and what you think will happen next! please do not just comment "update" lol. as always you can find me on: 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/kimjuncottonsgf) or [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/aubreymyeon)
> 
> special thanks to my babies, katya and ayesha, who read this over for me and told me it wasnt terrible fjgdjfgjd love you <3


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